Tuesday, September 5


straight up chocolate chip cookies.
like, flour, butter, sugar, chocolate.
like, as regularish as i know how to be.
that's where i started,
although i ended up on some other other sh!t, instead;
but, really,
how unexpected even is that outcome?
i mean,
i feel like if we're all here being honest-
ALL journeys are organic,
and we evolve and adapt to the conditions and circumstances
that present themselves along the way.
if i see a little opportunity to turn up my treat game,
then all y'all nancypantsy neighbors best believe i'm 'boutta pounce on it.
that's sorta like my thing.
i start with an idea, and then sort of jump around until i land in a sweet spot.
pouncing, dudes.
that's what's up.
look what happened when the jump off got jumpin'-

that's good for you.
i mean it.
y'got your jauns already all ready, and they're a good thing all by themselves...
then you activate the new hottness, and that's pretty F*ing dope.
and THEN bump it right up and off the scale,
cranking it to eleven,
and solidifying an expert experience for your flippin' face.
yes, friends,
that's specifically what i'm on about these days.
the upgrade.
the exxxtra.
the other 'nother other sh!t.
you wanna do that too?
i don't blame you.
NOT doing it would be weak sauce.
here's the template- freestyle as you see fit-
preheat your oven to 375℉.
in a medium-sized mixing bowl, combine:
10 T earth balance non-dairy buttery stuff;
3/4 cup unbleached sugar;
1/4 cup dark brown sugar;
1/2 tsp salt;
2 tsp vanilla;
once cut up and blended, stir in:
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce.
into that wet mushy massed mess, sift in:
2 1/4 cups a.p. flour;
1 1/2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
1 1/4 cups chocolate chips.
that's IT, kids.
knead it, size and shape it into golfy balls of battery blops,
and bake 'em spaced an inch or two apart for like 13 minutes.
you've got something resembling a regular-A* cookie right there.
when they've cooled,
y'gotta bump the big bass-boosted bombast,
and make 'em louder, guys.
rules is rules,
and ordinary isn't invited.
we must move on to the subtleties of seriously superior sauce.
wait, what?
well, i mean, drizzles are basically self-hardening sauce, right?
i think that's a thing.
1/2 cup of powdered sugar;
1/2 tsp vanilla;
1 1/2 tsp natural unsweetened peanut butter;
and enough non-dairy milk to make it a pasty, squeezable sauce for the surface
of those otherwise excellent but underambitious circles of sultriness.
y'must do whatever is necessary to keep things on the elite side of the street, man.
here's the thing.
peanutty butts icing the tops is good, but it isn't good enough.
too much is the right amount.
and so, the ganache drips HAD to happen.
that's 1/2 cup dark chocolate chips;
1 tsp vanilla;
3 T powdered sugar;
and 3 T non-dairy milk, heated and stirred and melted up into a squeezie second sauce.
that's what it's called when you charge up a thing with so much extra hot fire
that it becomes it's own new and improved other better doper thing.
word up.
i'm so close i can taste it.
the movie checks, man.
i've funneled all of my intentions, attentions, and ambitions onto this project,
and i'm ready as all hell to see it through.
i've run out of money, but not ideas,
which means we've got to open up shop, and shut 'em down eventually.
in the meantime,
there's so much more sh!t on order, headed our way,
that this week is sure to be the double drizzlin' dopeness that'll take this tattoo studio
into the stratosphere.
elevated, elite, and inviting, as long as you're not a bag of d!ckturds.
that's what we're on about,
and that's what in store at the tattzap store;
never quiet, never soft.....

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