well,
it's time you found out about what's really good in the 'hood-
coffee cake is sort of a dedicated side project up here.
yep.
in the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress, we eff exxxtra heavy
with a grandiose dose of grandy-ma grainy crumbly buttery coffee-style cake.
on the ones,
a good old fashioned thick slab of that sorta flaky, dry-but-so-totally-not crumb,
with the crOmbles all over the top???
c'mon.
if you're not into that,
you might want to go the hospital, and check to see if you have a heart.
.....because it's likely you do NOT.
coffee cake is for your emotional side.
that's a thing.
if you've got strong feelings, you'll need a big slice;
and if you're even MORE heartfelt than that?
like, if you're on some level eleven warrior poetry?
well, then holy sh!t-
you might need another 'nother even bigger slice!
i mean it.
this buttery big action will activate all those latent feels,
and have you evolving into an omega-level empath
from far beyond the perceptible vibrations of this earth.
is that real?
i have my doubts, but i also have my coffee cake, and that's measurably magnificent.
check the teleport:
COFF* COFF* COFF*
*ahem*
THAT'S THAT GOOOOOOD-GOOD!!!
i do so love it.
and i do so need it.
and happily, i have all the skills to continuously produce it, as the need arises.
mmmmmm.
this one was a really stellar example of the craft, neighbors.
it had that interior dry-wet,
and it has a topping so tight, i had to stop myself from just straight-up huffing it.
uh-huh.
dusty huffs might've been more trouble than my sinuses are designed for.
luckily,
eating proved rewarding by itself, so i did more of that, instead.
GUYS!
would you like to know how to do it at your own house?
in your own oven?
for your own face??
you would?!
ok.
here's all the secrets, for your enjoyment:
-
*
COFF COFF!!
-
preheat your oven to 360℉.
-
grease and flour a 9" springform pan (the unsung hero of single layer players everywhere)
-
in a medium mixing bowl mash up:
1 stick (8T) earth balance buttery spread;
3/4 tsp salt;
1 T lemon zest;
1 tsp vanilla;
1 cup sugar;
-
add 1 cup vegan sour cream-
(or unsweetened non-dairy yogurt, if that's more your speed)
2+ cups flour;
2 tsp baking kapowder;
1 tsp baking soda;
1/4 cup non-dairy milk.
stir it up thoroughly,. and enjoy the dense, sticky batter you've created.
it shouldn't be very wet, but it sure as sh!t should be moist.
don't worry, it's full of all that tangy creamy hottness,
and it'll do you properly in the oven.
-
now,
the crumb topping is a whole other entity, and it is not to be dismissed.
-
1/2 cup oat bran;
4-5 T dark brown sugar;
1/2 cup graham flour (this stuff is rad as hell);
1/2 stick (4T) vegan butts;
1/4 tsp vanilla;
cinnamon/ginger;
add all that right into your dirty bowl,
and cut it up until it's so well-combined,
you'd never suspect it of having more than one ingredient.
it should stick together when squeezed, and you should squeeze it,
and then crumble it up and apart,
over the entire surface of your future feastably fresh-to-deathly flavor bomb in front of you.
mmmhmmmmmm.
streusel is where it's at,
and it's a must-have for a decent coffeecake.
i'm sayin', rules is rules,
and if you are somehow unaware of how coffeecake is s'posed to be,
you're possibly a cave-dweller from the earth's core,
or just some sort of an A*-hole,
but i'd recommend ceasing either, or both, if you're superlatively unfortunate.
friends,
MY streusel game is triumphant, tho-
i even took tiny buttery pitter-pats,
and strategically pentagrammed them across the top of the topping.
what?
F* yes i did.
too much is the right amount,
and when they seeped into the surface y'know what happened?
the whole damned thing got turned, turnt, TILTY, and tremendously improved.
real talk.
bake that lil sassy circle for 30ish minutes, or until a tester stab comes away clean,
and then pop the spring, let it chill out for a few,
and eat a huge slice straight to the cakehole.
do it. make it....please.
i'm proud of this one,
and i want all of you to enjoy it, too.
***********
friends,
AMPERSAND TATTOO just got a new drawing table.
uh-huh.
a bar height draftsman deluxxxe.
with the super-sexxxy black iron pipey hottness for the legs-
i'd show you-
but,
i'd rather you just come through and check it out for yourself.
i mean, seriously.
come visit.
i'll probably be tattooing,
but i can talk and work at the same time,
and you don't need me to hold your hand while you drool over the custom furniture.
so,
come see us,
come eat some cake,
come live with it,
low middle and high with it,
'cause that's how we're gonna live and die with it;
never quiet, never soft.....
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