like,
do you even hang out with homemade stuff?
no, i'm serious-
for real... have you ever had an interest in making magic for your mouth,
in many meditative steps,
instead of microwaving some mincey diaperturd prepackaged box-mix?
do you do that?
you do?
what's that, now, buddy? you ARE all about that?
i knew it.
nobody likes a lazy watermilkbaby-A*-hole,
but we all love the ones who chef that sh!t up for supper.
...and that's us, it turns out.
making all the pieces, and fitting them all together,
and then making ourselves something amazing, just because that's what we DO.
it's a combination of mindful intentions, active participation,
and determined inventiveness that'll see us through to the other side,
where all of the deliciousness comes together in a monumental crescendo
of unF*withable flavors.
that's no joke.
guys,
homemade just tastes better.
now get ready to get into some mediterranean-style FALL FLATBREAD:
HELL YES!
all the amazing exxxplosive excellence you could ask for,
in one way-too-big rectangle.
which is, of course, just another way of saying, a perfect serving of september sexxxiness.
too much is the right amount,
and a reasonable portion is NOT what i'm trying to have, man.
you want some of this?
you think you've got the dedication to doing it that'll see you safely past the oven
and onto the serving tray/
ok.
it goes a little somethin' like this:
-
*
FLATTIE DOUGHSKI!
-
preheat your oven to 480℉.
-
in your stand mixer (which you love, i know) with the dough hook hooked up,
combine:
1 2/3 cups all purpose flour;
1 tsp salt;
2 T olive oil;
1 tsp wheat gluten;
1 T plant-based butter;
<1 gluten="" p="" tsp="" wheat="">1 tsp sugar;
3/4 cup warm water;
2 tsp bread machine yeast, bloomed;
beat it up for no less than seven minutes, more if you're feeling frisky-
cover it, and let it do what it doo-doo, dudes.
mmhmm.
the dough rose while crabtree and i took a little early autumn drive
through the winding mountainous passes just past my Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
i'll confess, i left my oven preheating while we rode around,as well.
i'm apparently very trusting of my haunted house's self-preservation instincts.
(....that's called anthropomorphism, and it's not exactly good for you, but in this case, it worked.)
*
ANYway,
before i prepared that dough,
i made some mutha-'ucking fresh-to-death extra-lemony sumac-spiked hummus.
that's right.
me and my chick peas were smashing hard.
hummus is so low-impact to make, it's almost super dumb to buy it, y'feel me?
yep.
-
*
ROASTY GARLIC LEMON HUMMUS!!
-
in your fresh AF food processor,
whip/chop:
1/4 cup tahini;
2 T lemon juice;
2 cloves roasted garlic
(that's 1/4" of olive oil ina covered clay cloche, in your preheating hot oven, until they're brown)
give that a genuine minute of pulp-up power,
add more lemon, if necessary, and a pinch of salt,
and give it another 'nother minute-
add 1 tsp sumac;
1/4 tsp cayenne;
1 tsp cumin;
1/2 tsp ea Garlic Powder and Onion Powder;
3 T olive oil;
whip it up AGAIN.
now add:
15 oz soaked/cooked/canned chick peas;
3 T warm water;
and a drizz' more olive oil, if necessary....
whip that up until the blades are moving fluidly through the smoothest beigeness on earth,
and spoon that stuff into a smaller bowl, with a blast of olive oil,
and one more shake of sumac for good measure.
that's like a total of five minutes post garlic roast, which is really a passive action, anyway.
expert.
*
so,
you gotta get out a rectangular baking pan,
and grease the bottom.
then y'gotta press the risen dough down to all four corners, as evenly as possible,
and spread the hummus on as thick as you'd like-
then, it's just a matter of dressing it for success.
to that end a big panful of grilled leeks are a great idea.
yup.
weird fancy onions are always invited to my flatbread parties.
hummus, baby kale, leeks, longway-halved sweet tomatoes,
and then a half a can (or one cup, for you purists) of even MORE chick peas,
pan fried in GPOP and smoked paprika picante, with red pepper flakes and a dab of oil.
that's tight.
-
from there, it's MORE sprankles than the pan can handle:
crushed red pepper;
black pepper;
sumac;
and those mandatory fried garlic sprankie jauns,
because rules is rules,
and in the pizzaesque family tree, f.g.s. are what we do around here.
mmmmmm.
how do you even activate something like this any further?
how about a batch of grated block daiya-brand smoked gouda on top, bro?
WORD UP.
if you aren't prepared to go to the outer limits of taste,
i don't understand what you're doing on earth.
i mean it.
we have to eat, or we die,
and if we need to eat to live, let's live it up.
vitality in victuals via virtuosity?
i'm all for that...
-
the oven baked this bad boy up for about 11 minutes,
on that superheroic convection setting,
with the circulation at omega-level,
and the results were stupendous.
te dough puffed up a bit, but stayed crisp;
the hummus and the chick peas were hearty as heck,
while the tomatoes stayed juicy, but absorbed all the other flavors.
....and you know i couldn't leave it alone, right?
damned straight-
radicchio ribbons, and fresh cool cukes, and a whole lot of lemon, at the end,
kept me reeling and rocking and moving and shaking with each and every bite.
it feels really GOOD to bring the heat and the light and the loud fresh hardness
to my oven and my table and my mouth like this.
for realsies.
i know i could just take it easy,
but i'd just be cheating myself.
and cheaters don't ever experience true victory.
that's a fact.
***********
what the eff are days off?
oh, riiiiiiiight.
they're bullsh!t.
that's what the average everyday ordinary underambitious b!tchbags believe in.
i don't get down with that.
nope.
because worthy warrior poets worship WORK above all else.
there's always work to do.
that's the nature of the universe.
i mean, that mutha-'ucker is STILL expanding, faster and faster, since infinity, man.
and you're over here worried about a beach day?
weak sauce.
meanwhile,
we're on that grind, and stack, and grind, and stack grind,
steadily progressing towards bigger, better, louder, faster, fresher, doper, and MORE.
that's sort of the whole point, right?
becoming the most.
....like, of EVERYthing.
we are doing what we love, and we're doing it as hard as we can.
every day, we get a little better, so we add a little more,
it never gets easy, but it keeps moving forward,
and if we're being honest,
that's really all there is in this world-
the steady, inexorable, inevitable crawl towards oblivion.
every other living thing understands that,
and does it's F*ing job until time is up.
nature wins, neighbors,
and siding with the infinite;
never quiet, never soft.....
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