I'd summon grouse, rabbit, and deer to the wall,

HAPPY SUMMER.
solstice excellence is happening all around you today.
tune your black-ops detecting, sixth sense, vanilla sky intuition to 'summer'
and feel the force, my ninjas, like the interconnected warrior-poets you are.
i built ^this^ light-bringer today.
wizard sticks and riverwood, and beeswax candles.
i felt a little masculine (i used tools, kinda)
i'm thinking that if this current trend in makiness continues,
i'll have a top-notch summertime barbecue location in no time....
so who's comin' over for a crucial bbbbbbq????
(berserker barbarian battle-beast barbecue, but you already knew it, huh?)

light-bringer.
norse natural candelabra.
torch staff.
call it whatever you want,
i call it dooooooope.
word.


vertebrae.
still connected, too.
my house is becoming more museum-like every day.
the present-day primitive power-house.
tomorrow night we're stenciling death's heads onto the rocks along the river in front of the house.
skeletal shorelines, ya'll.
who's helping to build the barbarian battle-barge?
c'mon,
we'll go viking down the saco river,
keeping it really real, like egil skallagrimsson.

my two most magnificent masterworks are en route to new hampshire.
harvest & maple are comin' up super soon,
and that makes me pretty flippin' pumped. 
summertime is the right time, my ninjas.
we'll be buildin' big heads, ridin' horses, watchin' movies, having outdoor slumber parties,
campfire cookouts, and assorted other epic-scale and miniature-sized adventures in between.
the big fun parenthood 'splosion is set to go off, yo.


i've got a date with this baby this evening.
like it says on the wrapper, there's a love poem inside.
should be a real showstopper.
like i said,
happy summer, ya'll.

And warn them away with a stick for a gun),

thor's day thunder.
the sky has been bleeding itself out on the bikers all week.
which is good.
it is also so-so -good for stimulating natural events.
when you're the woodsliness mountain guru,
rain is pretty rad, unless you don't like getting wet.
all kinds of growing is going on.
all kinds...
rain is a catalyst for change.
sorta like wind's less offensive cousin.
besides,
the raininess is helping create a myriad of mycological marvels in the woodsly realm.

toad stools.
i always get a kick out of that.
i mean, toad stools could mean a place for a toad to sit or rest it's feet,
OR,
it could mean the most epic and impressive bowel movement an amphibian has ever pinched out.
toad stools. hilarious.
seriously, if you were the toad who dropped something that was shaped like that,
you'd probably stop eating flies and worms.
whatever the scenario may be, there are certainly a lot of fungi poppin' out around here.
not to mention the oak gall infestation

wasps stimulate the growth of these apple oak galls.
there's actually a wasp larvae in each one.
anybody else thinkin' of 'alien'?
some things out in nature are pretty cool. and disgusting.
spongy tumor insect babies are definitely one of those things.

and speaking not exactly autobiographically:

the archetypal snake fleeing from the righteous presence of an imposing warrior poet.
i'm hoping this is indicative of a more tactile,
less symbolic saint patrick-style exodus of the deceivers in my life.
the path of the wrench, ya'll, is frought with conflict.
don't worry, like hanuman the monkey-man,
a circle of hot hot fire will protect me.
read all about it.
he's doooope.

special thanks to the freshest minnesotan day-saver i know of,
mr. lucky lambright.
i'm toasting the virtues of my man with a frosty cold virgil's root beer.
(yeah, i know it has honey in it, call the elitist vegan babypants police, or shut up)
the extended network of hot-fire spittin' battle-beasts is very near and dear to me.
just so you ninjas know;
i am grateful for the time i have been given,
and for those of ya'll i span it with.

never quiet, never soft
no truces,
no quarter asked, nor given,
to the death, b!tches......

I don't want it stirred by the heat of the sun,

beaver,
stripped bare and shipwrecked here in ghostly, grisly, earthly remains.
it's been a creepy jouney;
from start to finish:

beaver, inflated.

beaver, deflated.
and now:

more talisman amulet thunder is comin' up-
who wants to call dibs on the beaver jaws???
email me for first choice on the new beast-bits.

not that i'm speakin' completely autobiographically,
but,
there's no point freakin' out when things look bleak.
you either make moves to deal with it,
or ride the downward spiral to down-and-out guttersville.
i'm tellin' you ninjas,
hurl heaps of hottness and hot fire head-on headlong at hard-hearted haters.
hurt them.
fortune favors your boldness, kid.
just remember;
god hates a coward.
my dad told me that the other day.
i don't know about any one true god,
but i DO know that berserker barbarian battle-beasts do NOT bring the weak-sauce to the table.
they bring the thunder.
and these thunderclaps go to eleven.
life worth living starts with living.
and the worthiness comes from the choices you make.
i choose to spit the truth-be-told furious fuego.
i choose the harder way as the smarter way
( i choose the wrench, too)
i choose to do the right thing. every time.
my corazon is a furnace,
my mind is a magnesium flare,
and my blood is napalm.
hot fire is all that i'm oozin'.
save the b!tch sap for the cookie-cuttin' sodapants seahorses who refuse to even try to be dope.
that's what i'm talking about.

just be dope.
repetition.
just be dope.
reiteration.
just be dope.
reinforcement.
just be dope.
refusal of restrictions.
just be dope.
righteous rebuttal.
just be dope.
right action,
researched reaction,
realistic realization.
recognized recalcitrant really-realness.

masterwork mantra masquerading as overbearing out-of-step outcry.
JUST BE DOPE
on the ones, my ninjas.
louder, and harder.
believe it.

(We made it secure against being, I hope,

what the hail?
it's bike week vs. mother nature.
a thousandteen biketards up against thunder, lightning, hail, downpours, & floods.
advantage?: ma nature.
further proof that the secret universal plans are working with me.
farm-fresh hot fire, so hot it's icy, falling from the clouds.
the sky is falling, little chickens, and the results are pretty good lookin'
join us in creating excellence.
j.u.i.c.e. juice!

june berserker weather.
it looks like polar caviar. and now that it's melting,
the whole area is blanketed in thick fog.

^^^i think this looks like a wedding that just got 'sploded.
jess got all the plants out of harm's way.
but not before some blooms and leaves got tuned up a little bit.
luckily, no permanent damage was inflicted on our stuff.
(thanks big head tree spirits)

in other news,
i'm almost totally all the way through 'the mabinogion'.
'how culhwch won olwen', son.
that's the kind of story i'm talking about.
a list of names that goes on for pages, and a list of feats that rivals the names.
complicated. 'tarded. romantic, sorta.
and also really dooooooope.

i've been assembling talisman pendants all day.
does anybody want one?
like i said,
you send me some flavorful mail,
and i'll return the favor.
email me, yo.

i'm spending the remainder of the day reflecting on natural wonders,
natural disasters,
and natural chains of events.
naturally, i'm exploring my infinite nature.
how am i not myself?
i am a berserker barbarian battle-beast.
yes, i am.
therefore,
i'm a natural at being myself.

neither quiet nor soft, my ninjas.
just be dope.

By setting it out on the Northerly slope),

these days, i am focusing my finely-tuned flavor finder on vanilla-sky'ed bits of cultivated coincidence.
in plain speaks, i'm looking for awesome bits of berserker boullion to decorate my homestead with.
like ^this^ worm-eaten woodknot, with it's growth-rings decomposing in reverse order,
which is now a pine pendant of pugilistic pirate powers.
weird wood lumps are awesome.
i'm tellin' ya'll, you should come visit and make some barbarian craft days happen.
battle-bard hobby night is a fun time, for sure.

i'm on a mission to just be dope.
it totally involves making shaman witch-doctor godi medicine-man magic happen.
if egil skallagrimsson could cure terminal weak-sauce with secret spells and carved bones,
then i am on the path, son, following in the footsteps of my main man, big E.
big, ugly, and full of tempestuous thunderbolts and neckbiting brutality.
c'mon.

endeavor to persevere.
that's from 'the outlaw josie wales',
which is one of my all-time favorite movies.
if you've never seen it,
you are most definitely, and without question, missing out.
go get it, and watch it as hard as you can......
quotable quotes, kids.
i love 'em.

i have a bunch of beaver bone bits on deck to become epic thunderclap hottness invocation
flavorizers.
berserker barbarian battle-beast bodyrockin' balls-out bonanza beaver boons.
who wants one?
you send me some so-so-hot mail, i'll send you some fiery furious beavers and beads,
designed to make your house a home to the hottness.......
fake-ass spirituality shamans are lame, but symbolism is doooooope.
check this info on beavers.
you know you like it...
email me: battlebeasteleven@gmail.com

make the best of it.
be the best you can.
best your betters and be the boldest barbarian battle-bard.
be the best bestial berserker beaver bone brutalizar.
be dope.
i'm sayin'....

never quiet.
never soft.

No orchard's the worse for the wintriest storm,

Happy Father's Day.
if you're feeling the flavor of a day of dedication to dope dads,
hand out some high-fives to the papa-bear in your life,
and be pysched about dudes who make moves towards paternity.
dads, ya'll, i'm sayin'.....

bike week seriously sucks the sauce out of me.
three out of four 'bikers' yesterday had on american flag bandanas.
the fourth had a confederate flag bandana on.
is there mandatory uniform headgear for motorcycle culture?
i always forget that congregations of conformists always become a fashion show.
that way, all the person chameeleons blend right in, courtesy of fringe leather....
at least rain is in the forecast for the next few days.
if i can't be happy, can't nobody be happy.....
wetness is the hottness when avoiding fatboys, ninjas, valkyries, and road kings.
totally 'tarded.
me, i'm reppin' on pedal power, yo.
steel frames, old french style.
two wheels and the furiously fresh flavor, without the bandanas....

lightning storms, my ninjas.
i love 'em up.
brightening skies, and divine fractures of kinetic berserker fingers,
reaching across the heavens.
byproducts of climatic conflicts.
winds of change, winds of war, and answers, my friends, are blowin' in the wind, too.
i'm thinkin' about going outside in a steel suit, without rubber soles.

dear cloudbreaks,
hit me with your best shot,
im keepin' it ben franklin,
discoverin sh!tstorm power,
without the siphyllis.
xoxoxo,
albie.

today is a day.
maybe even the day.
it's definitely father's day.
i'll be watching 'the life aquatic', again.
and i'll be tempting life to give me the shocker,
one way or another.
i'm on the quest for more wisdom and even more knowledge.
i'm talking and i'm listening.
i'm makin' moves and waiting patiently.
today is a day.
i'm making it.
nunquam quietis, nunquam mollis.....

But one thing about it, it musn't get warm,

i spend my time like i'm a financial genius.
investing in bonds, ya'll.
and when i say bonds, i mean bonds,
as in: the feeling of kinship with the world around me......
bonds, kiddo.
family ties;
nature is in my family these days,
maybe by marriage, i dunno.....
word is bond, so is james.


it's saturday.
laconia bike week pre-game sh!tshow.
my bike has pedals, ya'll.
and my hands have teeth.
this should be a week to remember.
vacationworldland starts today.
summertime is the right time, for vanquishing foes and their wallets.
i'll be waging war on  the vacation vanguard with a vendetta of virile vigilant vengeance.
come on up, and get ready for this hot fire. 
get your fatboys, road kings, suzukis, kawasakis, whatever,
throw 'em all on a trailer and pretend to be a biker for a week.
seriously, that bandana and fringe leather jacket have got me convinced,
you're for really real.
niiiice bike week t-shirt,
no, really.
you want souvenier tattoos? harley davidsons with eagles and red sox logos???
suuuuure...
hit them in the head, 
it's the only way to get rid of zombies, y'heard?,
and then get that money, son.

tonight we hit up the theater again,
for 'the happening'.
it had muthaflippin' better be happenin',
or we'll be bringing the thunder, just like my main man:
the incredible HULK!!!
and lemme tell ya, it sure was.
smashing, bashing, and going completely apesh!t bananas.
i needed that movie.
let's hope m. night doesn't sh!t the bed on this one......


sorry about the absence of new drawings lately,
my fingers are all cramped and hurtie, and i'm having trouble with my
fine motor skills as a result.
it really bites my a-hole right off my body.
weird wood and wizard walks are much easier on my constitution.

loud pipes save lives,
unless they're attached to a shotgun.
'easy rider' has a happy ending if you're a homicidal hippies, hemp, & harley-hatin' hillbilly
uh-oh,
i think i found my new favorite movie.......
ha-ha.

be easy,
like peter fonda, dennis hopper and maybe evel kneivel......
ride free,
or at least cheaply.
but never quiet, never soft...

"How often already you've had to be told,

well now, 
it seems as though the heads are taking over the yard.
AND doing their jobs as woodsly guardian protection wards:
this afternoon, some vacationers in a pair of minivans took a wrong turn,
missed the giant cul de sac turnaround and decided to trailblaze their own path,
directly into our driveway, 
and as they turned into view of my homeboys in the trees,
they skidded to a halt immediately upon rounding the corner.
the big heads, yo.
stared 'em down, chased 'em off,
and probably brought up some pretty fearsome stereotypes about mountain people.
nice job, boys.
druidic godi spirits represent!
seriously, i actually heard somebody shout 'ay dios mio!!', and point out their window.
and then both vehicles backed out at warp speed.
mission accomplished.


talisman fever is still raging hard. the battle-box amulets are done.
at least, the ones composed with fox bones are....

crossbones, ya'll.
i twisted, carved, collected, knotted, whittled and beaded for hours......
river wood is great because its different every day,
the current brings current events downstream.
along with the wood, if you catch my drift, so to speak.
who wants barbarian battle-beast berserker bone omens???
i'm just askin', and i'm just sayin';
anybody want to do some trades?
and how about some close-ups?
maybe tomorrow.....

it's friday the 13th.
statistically, there are at least 2 a year.....
we watched 'hatchet', at the crack of midnight,
with kane hodder, a.k.a jason voorhees, as victor 'hatchet face' crowley,
and an all-b-list cameo explosion and buckets of blood.
gory and ridiculous
we also watched 'tooth and nail'
a post-apocalyptic cannibal crapfest, with ridiculous cameos by fellas who should know better,
i'm having some interesting issues with sleeping these days,
so late night movie time doesn't interfere with my beautyrest at all.


coyote skull, fox bones, jute twine, yarn, beads, and a seasoned tree trunk,
all voltroned up into one serious wizard walking stick....
gandalf's got no juice on this baby.....
better pictures coming soon,
i'm busy living the life i'm documenting.
it's very tiring.

tonight is 'the incredible HULK', and it should be doooooooooooooooope.
smashing things in a berserk fury.
i refuse not to enjoy it.
word up.

puny humans,
HULK SMASH!
c'mon....

Keep cold, young orchard. good-by and keep cold,

the biggest one yet, ya'll.
i ran out of steam, and tape, at dusk yesterday.
he'll be up in the trees, and on here, by tomorrow.

it's thursday.
time for some week-off weak-off back-to-work weak-sauce woes.
i have no idea what the day has in store for me.
but,
i CAN tell you guys that i will be rushing in headlong, headstrong, whole-hearted
half-cocked with both barrels blazing hot fire move-making magnums,
with a lightning chaser...

i got all the bones i've been talkin' about yesterday.
the moose skeleton is actually just some leg bones and a few other slimy nubs and lubs.
it's really very flippin' disgusting,
but once its cleaned and i represent on them with a wood-burning pen thingie,
a dremel, and some jute,
those osseous objects will be doooooooooooope.
the beaver skeleton was somehow even more flippin' disgusting than the moose.
it had petrified paws with pudding pus oozin' on out.
and of course, since i was SO looking forward to having it,
the skull was mashed into muddy shrapnel.
but beaver bottom jaw slices are still intact,
and also kinda cool lookin'.
all this ornamentation of everyday objects is drawing to one point:
i'm making modern day mythological mayhem.
dwarves, vikings, dolls, big heads, sagas;
i sometimes wonder where all this creepy druidic battle-bard viking fairietale business even comes from,
and why i am consistently the conduit for all that kind of stuff.
seriously.
i mean,
yeah, i WAS the dungeon master when i was a teenager,
but is that a predisposition to feelin' the flavor of furious fantastic and feral folklore?
it's like i'm almost a more dorky bookworm battle-beast now than even back then.

i used some seasoned fox bits to make these fresh talisman battle-beads.
this is just a preview of some of the berserker boullion i'm flavoring the battle boxes with.
these first ones are gonna get hung off of my viking walking stick.
icelandic godi hottness,
warrior poets gotta hike in style, y'heard?



we shot some .45 caliber thunderclaps yesterday afternoon.
rounds and rounds of 230grain lavaspit.
i shot my new fnh fnp-45
14 shots in the magazine.
if there's ever a zombie invasion, ya'll.
i'm sayin',
hit them in the head.

Dread fifty above more than fifty below"

a spirit minstrel.
singing a song about death and transformation.
(and choosing the wrench.)
i added a spirit mite, near his elbow.
he just looks like he likes to have some skritchers creeping around him.
fingerless long gloves, too.
Fagan-style, a la' oliver twist.
part one of a 5 panel piece i'm working on.
let's hope it turns out dope.

wotan's day,
and June the eleventh.
good times are in store,
and i'm hngry for more....
the natural world  is happening all around me.
here's some highlights:

the river is a source of so much epic-scale hottness.
and also some smaller and more intimate treasures...
in addition to this mainly munched-up little guy,
a whole posse of brook trout hung out all day.
of course, they look like rocks, so all the pics of them came out pretty rocky.
however, with or without pictures that plentiful posse of pisces 
was perfectly pleasing.


talisman-style wood bits.
ever see 'the dark crystal'?
then you probably remember the mystics, (the urRu),
and if you don't know what i'm talking about,
then you NEED to see that movie immediately.
for the rest of you,
get the art of the dark crystal book.
it's so flippin' dope,
it'll leave you stupefied and barefoot,
after blowing your mind and knocking your socks off.
talisman wood bits, ya'll, make more sense after scoping out the mystic section.
wizard sticks, kicked up to eleven.
 

this looks like a llama to me.


did you guys see the movie 'mimic', back in the day?
because i'm almost positive this horrifying mofo was an extra in it.
or is he the mothman?
whoever he is,
he's flippin' huge.
the frank lloyd wright wing pattern is kinda flavorful, i'm sayin'...

berserker barbarian forest ornamentation:

the big heads are up in numbers around here.
slowly, i'll be transforming the woodsly goodness into godshead garden druid dopeness.

check this little guy out.
he doesn't have any friends around him, yet.
but he will, ya'll.

this fella is petty serious, too.
tree-spirits.
c'mon.


the new guy.
he was created in one shot, with the weather on my side,
with jess' brother rob, hangin' out on the porch...
there's a good chance they'll be getting another 'nother friend before the day is out.......


when going to the river, it's important to remove any articles that,
while normally adding some secret agent-style fashion to everyday attire,
will get lost, or ruined when wet.
maybe shootin' guns will happen, maybe not.
art is overflowing out of my head and hands,
and i'd hate to harness it into hollow-point lead lumps and staunch the stream of
lavalicious hottness.....

i'm headed back to the water today, after i collect the largely intact,
but probably still disgusting moose skeleton waiting for me at white mountain tattoo.....
i found my fox skeleton, too.
and later today, i'll probably retrieve that festy beaver body, too.
battle box goodness, ya'll.
pre-orders, you ask?
let me know, and i'll put you on the waiting list.....

this is where i want to be, ya'll.
in the thickness of a thicket of thankfulness.
life is swarming around me like an angry apiary of awesomeness.
blot out the sun, kids,
with the swarmin' stormin' steam of your own hot fire....
for real.

check this out, my ninjas;
northwest airlines called my house last night.
they're sending me a check, for an undisclosed $um,
as a better-late-than-never sorry we lost all your sh!t apology.
i'll take it,
but they still get no love from me....
i spit hot fire, surface to air.
never quiet, never soft.

I have to be gone for a season or so,

the hottness is being dueled by the really humid hotness.
i add an extra 'T',
for the much higher temperatures generated by the furious furnace we call my heart.
aaand for Mr. T.
because i really do pity the fools, yo.

we ate falafels yesterday in northampton, mass.
i also got this dope skull at a yuppie 'save tibet' store.

lots of balding grey longhairs in that town.
lots of saabs, recumbent bicycles, and clever NPR stickers.
and lets not forget the 'pride and joy' lbg center either.
there's even a tibetan restaurant on the main street, too.
yak meat sandwiches.
because we need that, i'm sure...
sometimes being a left-leaning pro-diversity city is great.
other times it's oppressively open-minded.
i mean,
have some hard-hearted opinions, for crying out loud.
spit some hot fuego, bring the thunder, go berserk,
instead of dribbling the tepid tear-soaked, bleeding heart,
pilsner urquell, organic bubblebath water.
i just don't vibe on city hippies.
otherwise,
northampton could be a potential immigration location
for the 'folklife fellowship'.

today will be spent on the river.
and tonight, barbecue and big heads are definitely in order.

looks like tomorrow is a gun-shootin', high-falutin', heart-breakin', bridge-burnin',
hot fire-spittin' kind of day.
makin' the most of it, ya'll.
mostly masterworks in meditative manipulation of molten magma , that is...
or at least pens, inks, cardboard, wood charcoal, lighter fluid, and root beers.
most of the time,
i dig it the most.

the right time is now,
the right thing to do is whatever you're doing,
and the right person to do it with is the person by your side.

the time is right, ya'll.
be bold.

llysfwytawr dial tylwythau, 
bwyd yw llofruddiaeth .