CROMBLES

apple pie?
dope.
apple crumble?
dope.
cinnamon buns?
dope.
pastry?
dope.
all of that all at once?
expert.
look:

this goes to eleven, for sure.
and how are you supposed to eat it correctly?
warm, with a scoop, neighbors.

duh.
c'mon.
you know there's protocol for this sort of thing.
i made my pastry recipe.
i rolled it and filled it with a pasty tasty paste of blended brown sugar,
and vegan butter, and vanilla, and cinnamon, and ginger, and nutmeg.
then i rolled it and re-refrigerated it while i stewed up all the gala apples.
i knew these'd be good because they had long stems,
and that looks sexy.
and i know what looks sexy.
pretty much, if it's got pale flesh and deep red accents,
and is hella juicy and crisp?
well, am i talking about a lady, or a fruit, or both?
ANYway-
i stewed up eight of those apples with a splash of lemon,
a punch of brown sugar,
a glug of vanilla,
a bigger glug of real new hampshire maple syrup,
a pinch of salt,
and cinnamon and nutmeg and allspice and ginger,
until they were soft and thiccc.
with a handful of oats on the bottom of the pan,
and all those apples over that,
and slices of my cinnamon pastry log lookin' fire af,
and acorn pastry bits to highlight the autumnal essence......
well,
at 375 fahrenheit degrees, for thirty five minutes,
y'boi made the absolute best apple excellence in recent memory.

and real talk,  i already swallowed almost all of it.
yeah.
too much is the right amount,
and i'm over here keeping all the doctors away with all these apples, son.
i know i'm not writing out recipes.
ain't nobody using this as a cookbook.
i feel like that's okay.
i'm just journaling and recording events for posterity-
real life documentarianism is subjective,
but also, introspective.
i know when i think back on this amazing apple swirl-up,
i'll remember about all the autobiographical backstory
that led to it's creation.
there's a kind of comfort in the prompts that produce spirit and memory.
that's partly why i ever even started writing here;
never quiet, never soft.....

BLACK

black flag,
black thought,
black sabbath,
black licorice-
all of those are preferable to black friday.
and i didn't buy a damned thing.
no, i didn't opt outside,
or buy nothing because i love npr or cloth grocery bags or whatever.
i just wasn't feeling it.
i saw that a lotta tattblasters were giving away time on credit,
and it wore me down like you wouldn't believe.
no.
for real.
gift certificate upgrades make me wanna die.
buy this much, and we'll give you extra?
nah, b.
AMPERSAND TATTOO doesn't play like that.
even if 'painting season' or as we simply call it: NOvember-
was, as usual, a mutherF*ing sunovab!tch of a month,
i'm not gonna go on ahead and eff up february for free,
just to buy presents in december.
i am too financially wary and artistically egotistical to promote myself at a discount.
however,
now that my black mood is in full effect,
lemme just say that i'm booked for the day today, on small business saturday,
but y'all can come in and get some of these full-price whatevers all damned day.

t shirts,
hoodies,
BIBS,
and gift cards are what you prolly need for your people.
i mean, i'm not sayin'-
i'm just sayin';
never quiet, never soft.....

too much.

holy sh!t i made too much food.
what's more interesting is that there's not that much left over.
actually, i'm not sure of that's interesting or disgusting, or both.
why did i do that?
because i DO that.
y'wanna see all the stuff?
ok.

DUMPS ON YOUR FACE.
holy sweet fat pants, man.
that's the appetizer?????
damn.
scallion and toasted sesame dumpling wraps from scratch?
yes.
that's molto flavor on the OUTside.
and on the inside, there's cabbage, carrot, garlic, onion, and celery,
steamed together with sesame oil,
and tamari, and rice wine vinegar, and raw grated skin-on organic ginger,
and black pepper,
and crushed dried chinese chili flakes,
and a little baby bit of sichuan peppercorn to numberwang your skull.
-
i tried the lacey flour/water steam technique.
do you know it?
you mix a little flour and water, and pour it over the dumps
while they're sizzling in a very hot pan and the steamy dream creates
dried flour lace crepe crap around the edges, allegedly.
i may not have been as devoted to the whole thing,
since i was also making all the other other stuff, as well.
but the sauce was expert, even if the lace was lacking.
red chili, sichuan pepper, black pepper, rice vinegar, tamari, sesame oil,
fresh ginger, fresh raw garlic, toasted sesame seeds, and scallion.
 -
now, i made a few classics, too-
like these:

MASH HASH!
smoked paprika, brown sugar, tempeh bacon bits, caramelized buttery shallots,
all over mashed sweet potatoes- boiled with onion and garlic btw,
for added excellence, prior to a GPOP and buttery smooshfest, y'know?
yeah, you know.
and i made this:

ROAST BUTTERNUT SQUASH,
with cinnamon, nutmeg and maple syrup, plus olive oil,
and dried cranberries,
and agave glazed pecans and pepitas.
mmmmhmmmm.
and i had to make this:

roasted rainbow root veg.
parsnips, rainbow carrot, red, blue, and white baby potatoes,
sweet potato, red pearl onions, a few brussies and a bit of butternut,
and butter, plus a toss-around of olive oil and salt, pepper, and GPOP.
it's a classic.
speaking of, what's thanksgiving without mashed potatoes?
check it:

FRIED GARLIC sprankle MASHERS!
boiled skin-on jauns, with onion and garlic,
mashed with butter (vegan obvi)
and fried garlic,
and mushroom umami powder (shoutouts trader joe),
and GPOP,
and non-dairy s'milk.
these had more flavor than all previous taters in my own personal recorded history.
this is the new way.
decreed.
...
and that patented way-better-than-your-dumb-flavored cranberry sauce.
real talk.
vanilla, cider, syrup, brown sugar,
plus a inch of salt and a squeeze of lemon,
and suddenly, your slow-cooked burst berries are the best,
instead of an orange and clove bummer.
...
and this year, i added a generic vegan treat.
CRISPY CURRIED TOFU,
with spinach and mushrooms.
yeah.
i baked batons of exxxtra-firm tofu,
coated in a combo of curry powder cornstarch, cayenne, GPOP, salt, pepper,
chick pea flour, and extra cumin and coriander-
tossed those breaded sticks in oil, and baked them until the skins were crisp.
then i sauteed some slightly salted mushrooms, wilted a little spinach,
added a few shredded cilantro stems and a couple of pomegranate arils,
and called it a day.-
that's a lot of food for one man, man.
i don't understand what you don't understand, though.
i have too many feelings, and i usually eat them.
-
how about this:

BRUSSELS SIMMONS!
sesame and soy glazed steamed and seared sprouts,
with lemon and pomegranate.
how creamy are the leaves on these guys?
VERY.
i steamed them in hot sesame oil and a splash of vegetable stock,
brough 'em up to a high heat blast again, cut sides down,
and glazed them with soy sauce.
then i added the arils, the lemon,
and CRUSHED WASABI PEAS.
worrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd.
that's how you turn the spranks up to eleven, boi.
...
somehow,
i still managed not to take a picture of everything.
i also had pie, cookies, and apple crOmble.
also, the stuffy dressing, or the dressy stuffing, or whatever.
AND some incredible from-scratch gravy.
a LOT of that.
AND garlic'd collard greens, too.
i love those.
*
this is my big vegan annoying A*-hole flex, guys.
sexxxy food, colorful food, fancy food, good F*ing food.
food is my love letter to the world,
and my suicide note to my loved ones.
c'mon.
that'd be the dedication in my cookbook, i think.
this is about me showing off all my cooking skills.
the rest is a total mess.
don't be fooled-
P.M.A. keeps me going,
but real life is a hard negative this season.
i won't miss NOvember.
i hate it always and forever.
however,
tomorrow is the first, and a sunday.
that means that however unprepared i am for it,
rules is rules,
and it's sandwich week.
eight days and eight sandwiches where i do the damned thing,
all whilst wondering what everybody wants for XI-mas.
time is very literally running out,
and i have no idea what to do for most of my people.
i got started on the small ones,
and that was halfway easy.
everything i like, i know the boy will, too.
the rest are a mystery.
and i don't exactly have BMW money these days-
in fact,
i heard a five letter acronym for what kind of man i am, financially-
a HENRY-
that's a high-earner, not rich yet.
ugh.
meanwhile, i'm wondering what kind of bread to make,
and i feel like i'm buried alive about all of it.
shoutouts to november ending.
shoutouts to diminished dedication to this blog.
shoutouts to sandwiches.
shoutouts to a new era.......of loneliness.
shoutouts to carl from aqua teen hunger force for looking like my dad,
and giving me that quote;
never quiet, never soft.....

homemade tastes better

i boil water for tea in a kettle.
why?
because it tastes better.
and i want better tea.
i make bread from scratch.
sourdough, naturally leavened, shaped, and baked.
why?
because it tastes better.
and good bread makes better people.
that's a thing.
is it more work?
than going to the store and getting ready-made sh!t?
yeah, it's a lot more work than that.
but it feels good, and it tastes good and it makes me happy,
and presumably it makes me healthy, too.
and those're all good things.
i'm better because of it.
...and really, it doesn't take that much effort.
but it looks like something extra special, i'll say that:

yup.
homemade, fresh-baked bread.
a loaf of high-hydration high-protein bread flour,
and a loaf of low-hydration super-high-protein white whole wheat.
the bulk-up rise was huge,
the oven spring was just as big,
and the crust was crisp and crunchy and full of flavor.
you need better bread to make the best dressing,
and the best dressing is kind of my specialty.
that's no joke.
check it:

gently toasted sourdough cubes,
homemade seared red lentil seitan sausage,
plus seasoned and sauteed leeks, celery, carrots,
and a whole lotta boilin' broth to saturate that whole scene.
there's sage and thyme and a little crushed fennel and rosemary stirred in
with the sausages, which were browned in a splash of oil in a hot pan, man.
i added a handful of from-scratch tempeh bacon, too.
i did.
more flavor is what we want, isn't it?
i think so, bro.
every year i mess with this mixture a little more.
every year, i think of how to make it even better.
every year, i get more into the craft and creation and see what i can summon up.
i used to use cornbread, but that gets too soggy and falls apart.
i used to use store crOmbles to make the sausage, but the pieces are too small,
and the taste was always overly salty.
i used to think i couldn't ever get any better at anything.
until i did.
and now, i just can't leave it alone.
it's homemade, because homemade tastes better.
but it's also homemade because it feels better.
-
i spent thursday making myself feel better,
and letting myself feel worse.
it's sort of a numb, neutral, in-between sensation.
like being almost asleep with a fever.
you're close to oblivion, and that's a relief because awareness is awful
in all of  the preceding moments.
i'm a homemade home alone homeboy,
and that's all that's happening;
never quiet, never soft.....

FULL/EMPTY

i did it.

i made another 'nother heroic meal,

a foodie food culture feast to flex my conscientious kitchen consciousness.

i think i've mentioned how important food is to my overall well-being.

it's true.

i'm better at making food than i am at art,

and i my whole life is made possible by making art,

so that's saying something...

i truly feel like cooking and eating and the philosophy and the motivation

behind my efforts and the ways and means of what i do 

is a clearer representation of who and what and how i am,

more than any words could maybe define.

and this year marked 22 consecutive years with no animal products 

even remotely in sight on thanksgiving.

yeah, that's real.

and that goes to eleven.

twice.

i'm very thankful.

i couldn't fit everything on one plate, even,

but that first plate was still a big fat heaping helpful helping of all that hottness.

right?

that's beautiful.

all vegan thanksgiving plates look the same though.

which is to say: better than the alternative,

but literally all pulled from one color palette. 

here's the thing-

i always have a LOT of pictures of the food.

and the dessert.

i'll maybe show all those glamour shots soon.

but i was all by myself,

no music, 

no background noise, 

heck, even crabtree slept through most of the day.

so there's no pictures of the get-together.

in fact, i barely got it and kept it together all day.

i was just stewing in my thoughts as the cranberries stewed in cider.

that may be foreshadowing for the rest of my life.

it's ok.

that's just what it is.

y'ever see any worthwhile mob movies?

that's what they say when it's the bottom line, and there's no more room to move.

that's. what. it. is.

i have enough food to feed all the people i didn't see yesterday.

and that's almost everybody.

after dark, dylan came by for a plate and some pie.

that was nice.

he also brought food; 

but i was too overwhelmed i by the food i already had on my countertops

the thing is, i watched the broadway one man performance comedy special

the new one, by mike birbiglia, who is very smart and nerdy and intellectual

for a weirdie comic... and my sad, sappy, sentimental self was all sorts of

touched and affected by the second half of the show.

then, because after all that food, i was painfully full,

and painfully empty, as well,

i also watched the irishman.

i fell asleep in a food coma, and woke up at 11:30 pm.....

little did i know that the movie is three and a half hours long.

so, i was up all night watching an old man die alone because he did the things he did.

and y'know what they told the other guy?

the one who stuck to his guns to his own everlasting eternal detriment?

go ahead.

guess.

yup.

"that's what it is."

yeah.

and the person he trusted most did him the dirtiest.

maybe y'all never had any old school italian-american experiences,

but if you have,

then that movie is F*ing incredible.

you don't get it unless you got it.

nobody wins.

and that's the facts.

...for the record,

i couldn't watch some of the film.

too much meat in the beginning, man.

i get actually upset about it.

i KNOW i was making a F*ing face at one a.m.

but that's what it is. 

-

maybe i can change that up a lot in the future.

i really hope so.

i feel thankful for the mindful feast and the overindulgent display

of my competence and capability in culinary feats of feting.

and i feel grateful for the ability to know how to do that.

but i'm worried that the price paid was too steep.

not on my waistline,

but on my bloodline;

never quiet, never soft.....

THANKSGIVING

thanksgiving is THE vegan holiday.
what?
no.
f'real.
think about it, man.
most people are busy eating all the dead things,
in huge quantities,
and that's weird as hell to me and all the other delicate and sensitive animal lovers.
but,
the point of the holiday may be gratitude and generosity and abundance,
for sure,
but the focus is the food and having piles of it.
it's the food holiday.
maybe back in the olden days it was about getting a little corn instead of starving,
but these days it's just about unbuttoning those pants and fitting more food into
your distended bellyhole.
-
i'll grant you, nothing is more annoying than a vegan at a non-vegan event.
they're worse than a religious aunt, even.
hell, even among vegans,
there are snobbish levels to some imaginary hierarchy.
really, nobody wants them around,
or, if they do,
they need them to shut up and just be cool.
i feel that.
i mean,
do you really think your red state uncle is gonna be converted to tincture of moon oil
or whatever the eff your chakra cleansing crystal weirdie sh!t is supposed to do?
c'mon.
i very simply think eating animals is F*ing horrifyingly disgusting,
and i can't keep my guts in place about it.
that IS annoying.
and whatever i'm stocking up in terms of karma,
i'm missing out on in terms of family.
of course, being there is probably worse for them,
since for me it's like volunteering to watch cannibal mutant zombies
eat decomposing flesh-
i wish my wild brain was calmer, but it is what it is.
-
ask any kid what the meaning of a holiday is,
and unless they've been brainwashed, the honest answer is the right one.
halloween is candy.
christmas is presents.
thanksgiving is food.
moreover, all the family togetherness is all based solely on the shared love
of specific foods.
auntie's pie, papa's stuffing, mom's potatoes...
yeah, you get it.
but when you're vegan, especially at first,
you gotta answer all the lame questions from your uncle-
so what do you eat? what about protein? how do you live? fish is meat???
and the teasing: should go i mow the lawn so you don't starve?
and the incomprehension: 'just pick the meat out.'
'there's just a little butter.'
'...but cheese isn't animals.'
and at first, you're excited to be the good news bearer-
you tell all those people about all the suffering they can stop,
and all the cruelty they can keep away from,
and all the bacteria and fecal matter and hormones and antibiotics,
and all the health complications and links to disease,
and all the planetary strains of deforestation and waste management
and pollution and climate change....
and suddenly, you're a bummer.
in fact, you're a real problem.
nobody wants to feel judged.
not me, not you, nobody.
but heaven forbid you're actually nauseated,
because then you're just being problematic and overdramatic.
as we all know:
vegans should be tolerant of others' choices.
it shouldn't matter what you feel as long as you don't make anyone else feel badly.
and if YOU feel badly, vegan?....
well you're less important, numerically, so shut up already.
you're ruining everybody else's good time.
so just have a bad time for our sake and keep quiet about it
y'know, like every other day.
well,
FUUUUUUUUUUU'HUUUUUUUUUUUCK THAT.
i don't feel okay.
i don't feel comfortable.
i don't feel like i'm being honest at all by pretending
that a day that's based on celebrating dead sh!t to the extent that it's nickname
is TURKEY DAY is some sh!t that i'm on board with, at all.
it's too much for me.
i'm not making anybody do anything.
i'm not even suggesting that i should be in charge of anybody but myself.
and as the boss of my own old self,
i'm not okay being okay with it.
on any normal day, everybody does what they're gonna do,
and i'm right there trying not to throw up or be awful.
but on 'turkey day'?
no.
i feel such a burden on holidays.
and honestly, it makes me sad to see little bits of bird in a beautiful person's face.
it makes me genuinely ill to see them in an ugly person's face.
and i've lived a life where i haven't had to for my entire adulthood.
that's no joke.
but,
somehow,
i have made intricate, excellent, elaborate, savory, sexxxy, succulent,
celebratory sumptuous radical plant-based vegan food
defiantly rejecting the notion that traditions can't be improved.
my family wasn't with it- so i did it on my own.
all alone the first year,
and then with vegans and pretend vegans and non-vegans with open-minds and palates,
with my kids, with my friends.
and every year for twenty-something years,
i've been an overdoin'-it, grandstanding, showboating,
one-upping big-timer about all the incredible things
that show i'm grateful for life and for being alive and for celebrating life.
and not one time did i have to huff a bread-filled bird corpse,
or a pink pig's buttcheek,
or any of the other stuff tradition dictates is necessary.
-
i'm right there on most holidays while whomever is eating whatever.
and when we go out to eat, nobody brings it up, and neither do i.
but THANKSGIVING is the day i'm the proudest of my decision not to eat meat.
no exaggeration.
full stop.
*
that said,
i still feel awful about the actual day,
and the people who (possibly?) want me around.
is it another case of preachy vegan troublemakers ruining everything?
i don't think so.
i'm not showing up to ruin anything.
i'm abstaining for just that reason.
i wonder is conscientious objectors were considered to be ruining the vietnam war?
i'm not sorry i feel how i feel,
but i am sorry for what that means for me and mine.
i miss all the people who've been part of thanksgiving in the woodsly goodness.
um, nope.
...wait.
that's untrue.
there's a few that can stuff seasoned bread up their own butts about it.
ha.
but i haven't been around most of those folks for quite a few years.
i want to feel gratitude for Folk Life & Liberty,
and instead i just feel alone.
that's what you get, when you be like i be.
it's a hard style, and maybe not worth it,
but that's just what it is;
never satisfied, never happy.....

GF PUMPKIN PIE

i don't even like pumpkin pie.
i never have,
and now, for sure, i'm even less into it.
i made a gluten-free vegan pumpkin pie,
from scratch.
i got up extra earlier than usual, and the usual is pretty dang early.
my oven still sucks, but it works.
that might be symbolism for a lot of my life,
but also, it's very irritating when it takes half a year for the box to get hot.
maybe i'm getting myself an oven for christmas?
ANYway,
i thought it'd be a kind thanksgiving gesture to make a little
gluten-free treat and bring it along to share and enjoy.
i even made brown sugar gingersnaps without wheat, too.
yeah, i did.

-
i could've skipped it.
that's all i'm saying.
instead, i've got a whole pie and dozens of cookies i don't want all to myself.
yeah.
i mean, as far as pumpkin pie goes, all the flavors are right there-
pumpkin, molasses, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, allspice, cloves,
with a touch of vanilla......
it's not BAD tasting.
in fact,
i'd bet it's one of the best damned gluten-free crusts i've ever made-
-
*
GF CRUST!
-
6 T vegan butter;
1 1/2 cups gf oats;
3 T brown sugar;
1/2 tsp cinnamon;
3 T powdered sugar;
1/3 cup almond meal;
an eyeballed shake of unsweetened coconut;
3 T of bob's 1:1 gf flour;
a dash of salt;
a splash of vanilla;
and a few spoonfuls of nondairy milk to give it some stick'em.
all pulsed in the food processor to a crOmbly cookieish consistency.
i formed it in a greased pie tin, then baked it for 11 minutes at 375℉.
and that's what that is.
expert.
*
the filling?
well,
that was something else entirely-
in the same food processor, i pureed:
1 15 oz can pumpkin;
2 tsp vanilla;
1/4 cup tapioca starch;
1 T non-GMO cornstarch;
1/4 cup molasses;
3 T brown sugar;
1/2 block exxxtra-firm tofu;
3 T non-dairy s'milk;
2 tsp cinnamon;
1 tsp ginger;
1/2 tsp nutmeg and allspice;
a heavy shake of cloves and a lil dash of salt.
when that was pulped and punished enough to get thick, smooth,
and puddingy,
i spooned it into the crust, and baked it in that same lazy oven until it got a few cracks in it.
like, 30 minutes?
-
it's firmer than a normal pie, and i prefer that.
it's the baby-doo-doo-goobieblop consistency that i like least about pumpkin pie.
this fixed that.
...
and then i put those cookie garnishes on the hot top so they'd sink in a little while it cooled.
yup.
-
and when you need cookies that do something special,
y'gotta make special cookies.
-
*
GF SNAPZ!
-
1/2 stick (4 T) vegan butter;
dash of salt;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/2 cup brown sugar;
1 tsp ginger;
1/4 tsp cinnamon;
1/3 cup bob's all-purpose gf flour;
1/3 cup bob's 1:1 gf flour;
1/3 cup mama's almond meal blend;
1 -2 T non dairy s'milk,
all mashed up to a smooth cookie dough,
refrigerated an hour, rolled, cut and baked for 11 minutes.
...and with a little bit of planning,before you know it- that's cookies.
i have a whole lot of them,
even though i cookie-monster face-smashed stress-ate a ton right off the jump.
-

a la mode, with whipped coconut creme, is how i prefer mine.
warm or room temperature or cold, it makes no difference.
it's not my favorite, so it doesn't get better according to temperature.
hmmm?
did i make cinnamon supercreme frosting too?
i did.
too much is the right amount.
i added all the little details to the thing.
that's what i do.
listen, motherF*ers-
radical vegan treats is my LOVE LANGUAGE.
do you understand?
i don't think you do.
self-care is great food, as far as my needs go.
true romance is making sh!t i don't like,
the way i do,
for the person i DO like.
as i said up at the top-
i don't even like it.
and now, it just seems like i'm an idiot.
i baked a pie for a girl to impress her,
but all she really wanted was for me to think differently than i do.
damn.
that's a pretty big gap in expectation vs reality.
ugh.
i am sad about it.
in fact, i'm sad most of the time.
truthfully,
i haven't had a day where i wasn't sad for at least some of the time in a long time.
depression is being sad in an undefinable melancholic way.
i'm sad about actual events.
it isn't depression.
it's a series of uncomfortable, unfortunate, inescapable circumstances. 
and all the P.M.A. on earth can't make believe that good is actually something else.
y'know?
because good is good, and bad is everything else.
wishful thinking and pie aren't the way to fix that.
but i'm pretty sure time and money are.
*
the older i get, the more i see a path in front of me that looks more like a straight jacket
than a straight upward trajectory.
the long and winding road, the path to success, the road less traveled....
that all sounds cool,
until you're on seventy miles of long winding road to nowhere,
making less money, and having less time.
my heart is there, my life is here, and they'll both break wherever i go.
at least i've got an acre of pumpkin pie i don't want to eat.
i'm scooping it up with cookies.
two birds, one cup, or whatever the saying is;
never quiet, never soft.....

EDITS

i apologize to anybody looking for evidence.
i've recently had to modify this blog to remove traces of
specific folks.
i'm not happy about it,
and once they're gone, those memories will never be preserved.
i've kept this as a sort of external recollection repository for so long now.
yet here i am with the holiday coming up,
and yet another dissolution of relations,
rewriting history for the sake of nothing.
i promised to respect the wishes of a parent,
in order for them to retain a tight control of the reins of the narrative
of their children's lives.
it hurts.
a lot.
and it removes all the images and all the good feelings
and all the positivity and hope that i held onto up until now.
hmmm?
yes.
this might be a little too facebook of a post.
i'm sincerely sorry to make a note of it,
but this is where i keep the true stories i tell,
and removing them is really really hard for me.
i didn't mean to overshare, but like i mentioned,
this is where i've kept my diary for so long,
i want to be able to go back and remember that there was something
in the blank spaces that've been left.
in fact,
i guess now is as good a time as any to decide some things-
i believe i will be done with this blog as the new year arrives.
who knows?
maybe i'll start something more specific and food centric,
with none of the dramatic narrative of this old man alone in the woods.
removing posts is sort of the sign that i've sold out.
i've sold out my integrity as a storyteller,
and i really feel bad about myself for doing so.
but rules is rules,
and there's no way to get better without the hurtful process of change and upheaval.
i'm unhappy.
i'm hurt.
i'm angry.
there's resentment simmering just below the surface,
and my eyes have moisture in the corners that's surely salty and threatening to drip out.
i really hate november,
and maybe i might also hate myself a little, too.
nqns

INCREDIBLE POT PIE

homemade expert vegan pot pie,

for an early thanksgiving celebration all by my lonesome?

certainly, sir- don't mind if i do.

now that the holiday is upon us i'm telling myself it's all fine-

but i've gotten about seventeen seconds of sleep about it,

so maybe all's not as well as it seems on the surface-

yesterday, i took the opportunity before work to fire up the oven,

and make myself a sumptuous from-scratch masterpiece,

and it did brought out all the best holiday feelings.

i was so overcome with the success of my effort that i even brought

my XI-mas tree to AMPERSAND TATTOO, 

and decorated that skinny spike after my appointment.

mmhmmm.

that's how good the pot pie was, neighbors.

look:

HOLY SH!T that's how you doo-doo that freaky sh!t.

and that crust???

WORD.

flaky, buttery, crispy, rich, and delicious all at the same time.

damn, duders.

i done did it.

-

what's going on in there?

well,

i made that pastry dough while the oven heated up to 400 luscious degrees.

-

*

VEGAN PIE CRUST!

-

in my food processor, 

i combined 10 T vegan butter;

3 T vegan creamchee';

a dash of salt;

2 cups king arthur all-purpose flour;

3-5 T non-dairy ice-cold milk,

and pulsed it until it was crOmbly and stuck together when pinched-

then i wrapped it and refrigerated it and started the stuffing...

-

* 

POT PIE GUY!

-

in a big skillet, with a glug of olive oil, i sauteed:

1/2 small head of cabbage, cut into 1 1/2 " wedges, and charred it.

i added in 1 sliced carrot, and cooked it until it browned on the edges,

then tossed in:

1 sliced and split leek;

2 cloves chopped garlic;

3 cups chopped mushrooms.

i used buttons, and it was fine-

as the mushrooms cooked down, i salted, peppered, and herbed 'em ep-

that's fresh parsley, plus dried sage, thyme, and rosemary-

when the leeks were soft and the mushrooms were smallerized,

i poured in 2 T white wine vinegar and 2 T tamari....

now that's some aromatic and excellent stuff to stuff in a pie, guy.

-

i fried up some exxxtra firm tofu, (1/2 block),

in light oil in a pan until it was well browned,

and tossed that into the mix.

i also parboiled and browned up a large red skin-on potato, too.

like, i boiled it until softish, then finished it off by firing up a very hot pan, 

and occasionally adding a splash of liquid to the mix while it cooked and got all golden 

-

that's a lotta great food in one place, and as much rich, thick, hearty, homestyle

family-flavored love in vegetable form as anybody could ask for.....

but i also made gravy, OBVI.

mmhmm

too much is the right amount.

don't get it twisted.

-

*

GRAVY!!!!!

-

in a small saucepot, i created a roux-

3 T king arthur flour and 3 T vegan butter, cooked until golden.

i added a heavy shake of GPOP, 

a gentle handful of nootch,

and two cups of gluten-free vegan chicken-style broth,

and turned up the heat until it was thiccc as helllllllllll.

i poured half over the veg in an 8" pan,

and kept half for afterwards.

-

i grabbed the dough, unwrapped it, and rolled it kinda fat on a floured surface,

traced the right size and cut out a circle,

popped out those vents, added some autumnal hottness around the rim,

and baked it until it was the most beautiful browned circle of superior sexxxiness.

i mean, you see it- so you know it's true.

and with some parsley sprankles and MORE gravy?

C'MON, MAN.

i really feel this in my heart.

i needed to express my thanks to the wider world.

i'm grateful for the abundance,

i'm grateful i have the vision to make this sh!t.

i'm grateful i had the pre-dawn time to get started.

i'm grateful it worked.

i'm just happy to be living in sync with choice to be murderless 

in my mouth and in my house.

plus, it's the best one i've maybe ever made,

and that's no joke;

never quiet, never soft.....

MORE TOAST

i'm busy these days eating *good* fats and sh!t like that.
uh-huh.
i'm trying something new.
instead of burying my feelings under a mountain range of sweets and treats,
i'm having avocado toast,
or sometimes just toast,
for breakfast,
and a F*ing salad for dinner.
i mean it.
dudes,
a couple of boca burgers, a head of broccoli,
and a bucket of green leaves with onions and carrots and tomatoes and cukes?
s'healthy!!
s'borrrrrrrring.
also, i'm SO hungry all the time.
but,
i want to run through the full gambit of hard styles and long nights
and heavy hearts and hurt feelings without also blarpin' out.
and all i want is pizza every single day.
that breakfast though.
that's some good stuff.
check it:

fire roasted tomato sprankles.
sesame seed sprankles.
sriracha flakes.
pink salt.
black pepper.
cilantro sprankles.
scallion sprankles.
tomatoes.
plus my favorite colorful mashed magic,
and that expert sourdough.
*
i F*ing HATE NOvember.
and i always have,
and i probably always will.
unless something impossibly, implausibly incredible happens
where i can then associate that with this heap of sh!t of a month,
i'm anti-NOvember forever.
until last year,
thanksgiving was the number one best thing going at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
i'm talking eight consecutive years of radical, incredible vegan gratitude and generosity
tucked up in amongst the woodsly goodness of these northern mountains.
but last year, my dad died, so my ma was alone,
and i went down to share the time with her.
that was the right thing to do.
and also,
my kids were NOT coming up here for the first time in fifteen years-
the oldest was back from college and spanning time catching up with friends.....
and also, i suspect they were kind of protesting the inclusion of new children in my life
(little did they know they'd be learning about lilli after dessert or whatever)
and all of our family up here was having a non-vegan thanksgiving,
because they're not vegan, and that's their tradition, obvi.....
the thing is,
i've had twenty two consecutive vegan thanksgivings so far.
and i'd call that a hell of a streak, and a winning tradition as well.
i would have a impossible time feeling grateful looking at a pink pig's ass
or a bird with bread up it's body cavity.....
it very literally makes me feel like i will vomit every single time.
i'm not sorry about that,
but i am sorry that it's forever going to be a problem.
it's hard to go backwards to dead bodies when you've been protected
from that nauseating and uncomfortable scene for decades.
that's just what it is.
so all of it was separate,
and i suspect that it always will be.
i hate it,
and i hate november,
and i hate that there's no scenario where i don't have to pick a side or be all alone.
i'm gonna let you in on a little fun fact-
i will choose to be all alone.
that makes more sense, if being with people feels so heavy and hurtful.
and really, i pretty much already am, anyway-
-
just to recap:
work is always slow in november.
the days are short and dark and grey and cold and ugly.
food is forever an issue between me and all my people.
having separate families who don't/can't/won't interact is an issue.
the distance between any and all of us is awful.
this dog makes travel a nuisance,
because i have to impose him on whomever i visit.
none of it is any good.
i don't want to dwell on all the downsides,
but i can't see the sky for all the darkness lingering above me, literally.
although,
to be fair,
i did tattoo a lady's name on some guy's F*ING FACE yesterday.
and that's something to think about, for sure;
never quiet, never soft.....

SEVEN MONTHS

A-TOAST

smashed-up avocado on homemade sourdough bread is delicious.
but,
when you turn it up to eleven with all the exxxtra little bitty-bits
of morning glorious veggie goodness?
well,
then you're a real expert, man.'
look:

ALLLLLL THE GOOD THINGS.
tomatoes, cucumbers, radishes, cilantro, arugula, sriracha flakes,
sesame seed sprankles, purple carrot, pink salt, and black pepper...
that's a feast.
with an avocado so ripe it made my mouth smile while i crunched
the toast up in bite after bite of pure delight.

see?
that's what's good, bruh.
the toast is incredible, because the bread is phenomenal.
and good bread makes better people,
and better people make fancy sourdough from scratch in the morning.
is that true?
probably not.
but it's really good bread.
that's for sure.
there's not a LOT of great things going on in NOvember.
in fact,
as usual, it's living up to it's reputation as the WORST ONE.
but the breakfast scene has been helpful at least.
a little bit of sunshine in my mouth is about all i'm gonna get,
so i'll grab as much as i can.
the rest is gonna be pure november,
and that's as dark as they come;
never quiet, never soft..... 

BEAUTY

in just eight days it's time for the best eight days.

yup,

december first starts on a sunday-

and rules is rules, y'know?

that's right.

because we all love what happens when that happens, don't we?

yes.

we do.

sandwich week is coming back,

and i, for one, am as excited about it as i can be.

i love sandwiches.

i love being creative.

i love eating my feelings.

and i've got a whole lot of those during the holiday season.

so, really, it's perfect timing for a smorgasbørd of sandwich hottness.

in preparation for the big action,

i got a little teaser activated to whet my imagination and tastebuds.

check the teleport:

YEAH!!!

homemade big action deliciousness for my face.

the bread was baked freshie-fresh.

the seitan was from scratch, naturally.

the rest was inspired, and left nothing but more sandwiches to be desired.

look:

MMMMMMMMHMMMMM.

that's arugula and radicchio tossed together, 

with sticks of green apple thrown into the mix,

so that the crisp and the crunch and the sweet and the bitter all do something special.

there's seared orange and red baby sweet tomatoes on top,

and fried leeks,

and toasted almond slice sprankles.

i'm telling you,

the combination of flavors and textures before you even consider the bread 

and the seitan is already turned up to eleven.

it's really pretty freaking good, neighbors.

the bread was expert.

a soft high-hydration semi-ciabatta style loaf,

slathered with vegan mayo, and toasted up in a pan.

nobody needs the recipe, you'll be okay without it.

-

and then there's the seitan.

dredged in a mix of flour, gf bread crumbs, salt, pepper, crushed fennel seeds, 

rubbed rosemary, Garlic Powder, Onion Powder, 

a dash of smoked paprika, and a little cornstarch to keep it crispy...

fried up on both sides in vegan butter, all sorts of juicy on the inside,

and excellent on the every side.

-

sandwiches, man.

they're the best.

and one that's as well-appointed as this one?

that's the stuff that makes me feel something real in my self-esteem center, son.

i mean it.

i made this up,

and i made this happen.

i'm proud of that;

never quiet, never soft.....

TRICERATATTZ

just get better tattoos, dudes.

really.

you don't need a lot of imagination or originality.

i can take care of that part-

you just need to want better tattoos,

and you can have them.

i have a whole bunch just waiting for you over at AMPERSAND TATTOO.

that's f'real.

for example,

look at this drawn on dinosaur dopeness:

TRICERATOPS is the best dinosaur.

and that means that i'm 111% excited to tattoo them always.

i drew it on with marky-markers, man.

yup.

it's unique to that moment in time.

it's unique to the experience we created.

it's not another 'nother compass.

it's not another 'nother tree silhouette sleeve.

it's something so much more rewarding to the artist in me.

sure, the tattooer i've been, am, and remain will still do the things that

all the identical people all want to look even more identical....

but i'd be a big fat liar if i said i wasn't MORE excited to do cool stuff instead.

is that mean?

well, i think it's mean that you treat tattooing like fast food.

y'all ordering a number 7 mountain pocketwatch combo with 'wanderlust' on it to go.

hahahaha.

meanwhile i'm wishing dinosaur delights to materialize every day.

i'm grateful when they happen, maybe more so because it's infrequent.

who knows?

i'd like to do more of this, that's a fact;

never quiet, never soft.....

IN FLAMES

if you aren't down to burn the forest down,

you're not my kind of person.

fire makes the cold and the dark tolerable,

and i needed some to make these very cold, very dark nights a little less awful.

it's been windy at night, or wet, or both,

and that makes going outside my least favorite thing to do.

so the very first night it wasn't windy,

i was out making fire.

YEAH!

one match, everybody knows the rules.

ha.

it's true though-

the natural chimney effect of my log cabin fire building style

lends itself to single strike ignition.

y'know how when it's cold af, even fire takes a while to feel warm?

well,

i was frozen for the first half of this pyre- if i could've climbed into it

to get less blisteringly frostbitten...

sure, i could've stayed indoors and been a lot warmer,

but man, c'mon, that's not the point.

the fire is key to barbarian battle beastliness.

y'get me?

it'd been too long since i did any of the woodsly goodsly things

that make remote mountain winters endurable.

and this recharged me a bit.

except only half of me was warm at any given time.

i was spinning like a rotisserie kebab,

and i was still barely cooked.

here's the thing-

fire is good for you,

and cold or not,

the dancing tongues of flame was like super sustenance for my spirit and memory.

yeah,

it's not fancy, or huge, or even that unusual,

but it helped, and there needs to be a lot more of that;

never quiet, never soft.....

PANMAN

panniecakes panniecakes PANNIECAKES!
yup.
look:

oatmeal coconut vanilla sweetcake flapperjacks,
with real maple syrup from CANADA,
and homemade raspberry compote??
that's what's UP.
and add in some savory tofu scrambo with spinach,
and those british fried tuh-mah-toes,
and some crisssssspy roasty skin-on homeboyfries,
and all of a sudden,
you're ready to do lumber work or somethin',
ha.
-
my pancake game is tight, bro.
real talk.
they're thick, they're hearty, they're fluffy, they're sweet,
and they've got layers upon layers of rich flavor throughout each perfect circle.
hmm?
well, i'm using shapes to make perfect pancakes, obvi.
what am i?
an A*-hole?
no way.
-
the pancake recipe is expert.
 i mean it.
1/2 cup + 2 T king arthur flour;
1/4 cup oat flour;
1/4 cup ground unsweetened coconut;
1 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
1 T coconut yogurt;
3/4 cup s'milk + 1 T lemon juice;
2 T vegan butts, melted;
1 tsp vanilla;
1 T brown sugar...
stirred, rested for an hour, and fired up in a hot hot pan.
-
the potatoes were tossed with olive oil, Garlic Powder and Onion Powder,
and salt and black pepper and cayenne,
then roasted at 400℉ until they're golden af.
easy?
of course.
parchment and a baking tray and however much time you need
to be satisfied with how they look.
mmmmmmm.
-
and i added spinach and scallions to the scram,
as well as GPOP, nootch, turmeric, salt, pepper, and smoked paprika.
i sure do love a good scramborghini, neighbors.
and apparently, spinach and tofu boost serotonin.
so i'm happy, nutritionally.
yeah!
-
how about those blackened tomatoes?
heat, oil, tomatoes, being awesome, that's all.
i love 'em,
and i'm psyched about eating them, always.
that's the truth.
-
but how about that compote, man?
a cup and a half of raspberries, a handful of powdered sugar,
a scoop of non-GMO organic cornstarch,
and a dash of vanilla,
slowly heated up until it's thick and syrupy,
and that's what compote is s'posed to be like.
and it be like that.
and that be's goooooooooood.
uh-huh.
-
big B's like these are gonna fatten me up a little more,
and maybe keep me that much warmer, if i'm lucky.
i'm always cold,
i'm always hungry,
i'm always ready for pancakes, even if it's been a little minute since
my last batch-
i dunno why i've been reluctant to make the best foods.....
but this reminded me how much i LOVE pannicakes,
because i'm a no joke pannieMAN.
that's just what it is;
never quiet, never soft.....

JAMMIE JAM

THIS KID

BLOCKS

chocolate cookies,
with vegan caramel chips,
and chocolate drizzle?
i did that.
and there's a lot of 'em, and you should have one.
i can't eat 'em all, y'all.
so help me:

PLEASE!
melted chocolate ganache all over the tops,
with autumnal mini-sprankles, just to make 'em nicey-nice.
cookies are simple, and they get the job done every time.
-
*
BLOXXX!
-
preheat the oven to 375℉
-
in a medium mixing bowl, cream together:
1 stick vegan butter;
1/2 cup sugar;
1/2 cup brown sugar;
3 T cocoa;
1/2 tsp salt;
2 tsp vanilla.
mash it thoroughly-
then stir in:
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce;
add:
2 cups king arthur flour;
1/3 cup ground unsweetened flake coconut;
1/3 cup coarse oat flour;
1 tsp baking powder and soda;
1 pkg, 1o oz. caramel chips.
-
make those little golf balls, about three dozen,
and bake 'em for 12 minutes.....
-
that's it...
just eat some cookies.
they won't solve any problems.
they won't make you taller.
you won't get smarter.
but they might help your day taste better.
sometimes that's all you get;
never quiet, never soft.....

OATSSSS

oatmeal is F*ing great.
and when i'm basically just freezing myself to death every F*ing minute,
i need some rib-sticking hot heartiness to help me not actually die.
and what's thicker than oatmeal?
mud?
i'm not eating that, even if it's hot.
so, oats it is.
a blend of thick-cut rolled ones and scottish steel-cut chunks.
check the teleport:

WOOOOOOOOORD.
simmered up in coconut-almond milk,
with a fat pat of vegan butter,
a dash of salt,
a little scoop of brown sugar,
and a splash of vanilla-
topped up with unsweetened coconut yogurt,
AND toasted walnuts,
AND agave-glazed cinnamon sunflower and pumpkin seeds,
AND mini vegan dark chocolate mini chips,
AND chilly sugared raspberries,
AND toasted coconut,
AND mooooore brown sugar.
so simple, so burly, so MANLY, even when it's pretty for a picture.
what else is there to even say?
oatmeal is the best.
i love wheat, but if i'm gonna get busy with some straight-up great grain goodness
in the morning?
it's gotta be oats.
they're better than all the competitors for best a.m. grain.
grits are cool, but this is the NORTH, bro.
we're up here with that highland hot fire.
i'm channeling the soul of some claymore swordplayin'
tartan skirt wearing warrior poetry,
in the hopes of maybe getting a little more heat resistant.
so far, it hasn't taken hold.
i must need another hundred thousand bowls;
never quiet, never soft.....

THAT SAME SAME

i should get a new oven.
i mean, for the amount that i use it, a faster, more effective, more efficient piece
of equipment would only make my life better while i'm
baking better bits and pieces of radical vegan hottness.
but i don't have one yet,
so i waited FOREVER for a superhot oven situation so i could crisp
up a supersexxxy pizza pie...
that's unfortunate and fortunate.
the pizza was still dope, the timeframe was a real suspense builder.
look:

DAMN,
that's a lotta stuff on that thiccc one, y'feel me?
tomatoes.
spinach.
little mincey pepper spranks.
jalapenos.
caramelized onions.
red onions.
fried garlic sprankles....because rules is rules.
...and minced daiya mozzarella, speaking of rules.
the sauce is cooked.
marinara from-scratch with that hearty italiano flavor exxxplosivity.
mmmmmmmmmm.
and then, to turn it up to eleven?
fried from-scratch slabs of seitan,
with GPOP, black pepper, cayenne pepper, and hot paprika.
YO, that's what's up.
you've had pizza, but you haven't had take a hundred years
and have a hundred things on top homemade ordeal pizza.
it's okay.
i was glad the oven was helping heat up my cold af Fortress.
i'll take a little warmth here and there.
*
it's the coldest ever.
like, as a matter of record, even.
so that's pretty neat.
we win for worst in real time.
is that the title you would shoot for?
not me, bro.
i'd take the warmest one in history any day.
and these weirdies up here who are so excited to do cold weather sh!t?
i like the way the mountains LOOK,
but i hate the way the air feels,
and i hate fun so much,
that skiing, snowmobiling, four-wheel atv-ing, ice fishing, or whatever other
arctic freezy jauns are like alien science experiments on how to waste a perfectly good
day for staying in and getting cuddly by being sweaty
inside some water-resistant balloon clothes while snow sticks to your face
and boogers drip freely out of your head.
dudes,
stop it.
or don't. i'm not gonna be there with you, so do whatever.
i'm forever gonna NOT do that stuff though.
not when i could take too long to make a pizza.
at least i'm warm, and i get to eat pizza.
that's way better;
never quiet, never soft.....

BIG B

tofu scrambo.
reg toast.
avocado toast.
roasty, toasty, smoky, spicy homeboyfries.
blackened tomatoes.
y'know what that's  called?
yup.
the big B.
i needed it before i could begin to brave the bad weather and worse vibes of
a mountain valley early winter snowstormy day.
yup.
a snow day.
but also, an ice day.
and also, a darrrrrrrrrrk day.
with added wind for added discomfort.
expert?
nah, man. that ain't it.
anyway, my guts were prepared more than my skeleton body.
look:

WOOOOOOORD.
that's sourdough, from-scratch, toasted up-with raspberry jam,vegan butter,
and some slab-style sriracha-and-sesame sprankled AVOCADO jauns.
wu-TANG!
that's straight up boomfire for your face.
the tomatoes are just fried with a splash of olive oil,
because they're dope all on their own.
the scrambo?
well, that's some other other sh!t.
black beans, onion, bell pepper, poblano pepper, jalapeno pepper,
cilantro, and scallions,
plus exxxtra firm 'fu, with turmeric and GPOP and smoked paprika
and black salt and pepper....
if you measure spices for tofu scram', you're a genuine bummer.
i stand by that statement.
-
and those skin-on red new roasted homeboy potatoes??
maaaaaaan,
that's 3 bad spuds, cubed,
and tossed with olive oil, cayenne, smoked paprika, GPOP, black pepper,
and a lil' baby bit of ground coriander,
all roasted on a parchment lined tray at 375℉, until they were crisp and golden.
did i pan fry them just a bit before i added the cilantro and scallions?
i did.
did that make them better?
it did.
did i eat all the food with my big dumb face?
i DID.
and is that an expert way to begin a real bummer of a day?
it IS.
ha!
i love good food.
i may not make as much superfancy unnecessary magic anymore,
but when i do, i really remember how F*ing awesome it feels to enjoy
a real whole-food home-cooked intentional and inventive vegan meal.
i had a moment in the morning.
and i liked it;
never quiet, never soft.....

COLD FOREVER

today has not started by going to eleven.
nope.
in fact,
it's only 10℉.
....and it's windy as hell, which makes the lack of degrees feel even worse.
hmm?
oh, i know, i'm always cold,
but right now, it's actually well below freezing everywhere.
and that wind, bro.
seriously, i hate it.
maybe if i was a sailor, i'd be psyched, but since i'm landbound
and in the woods, it sucks the hardest.
it's so cold that this damned dog is taking it easy indoors,
instead of being a real bastardhole about being outside misbehaving.
and when we DO go outside?
he's got a snowbaby outfit to help his chilly short-haired dumb head.

awwwww, s'kyoooot.
i can't wait to get outside and freeze my face off while he poops on some snow.
it's so cold i kept extra sleeping clothes on, under extra blankets.
mmhmm.
i run cold, man.
i already told you that.
i just don't think you really get it.
i'm arctic on the inside, and it only gets colder every day,
and so do i.
do i wanna be hot?
no.
i wanna be warm.
that's all.
and it takes a billion degrees to get me there.
i'm about to get mummified in a hundred layers,
and move even stiffer than i already feel.
is that cool?
it does't look cool.
i'll accept that.
i fell asleep super early, both from the deepest dark and all the blankets,
but naturally i woke up in the dead center of the night for hours.
and when i finally got up outta bed, in the same deep dark,
i navigated by candlelight.
no.
not for ambiance.
huh?
no, the power was still on.
for added warmth.
ten candles throw more heat than a lightbulb, buddy.
i'm not even kidding.
i'm F*ing freezing.
i wanted to have a full moon fire outside.
instead, i had a full linen closet of blankets on my body.
ha.
i'm just not enough person to hold onto any heat, or anything else for that matter.
so,
i'm cold.
colder than cold.
the coldest.
and it's only mid-november!!
man, life is a real wild ride, and i'd better summon up some savage
stormswept viking tolerances to this weather,
or i'm gonna get frozen solid mid-complaint.
i s'pose today is as good a day as any other to start;
never quiet, never soft.....

SNOWBABY

and now there's snow everywhere.
i mean, i live in the northern mountains,
so it's not a huge surprise that it's extra cold and busted outside already.
did i rake any leaves before they got buried under that frosty waterblanket?
nope.
i didn't even mow my lawn before that.
nope.
i don't play outside, man.
and i don't worry much about curb appeal.
for real, my house has needed to be painted for a decade.
y'know why it hasn't been?
because a nice lawn or a sweet paint job don't feel important to me at all.
not one little teeny tiny bit.
even though in the long run, it has to have some positive effects.
i can't see that far into the future anymore.
and that's lame as hell, neighbors.
i mean it- i had plans on plans and plans,
and now i'm blurry-headed about tomorrow,
nevermind the equity that comes from the maintenance of a well-manicured property.
sh!t-
i didn't even get a F*ing snowblower yet.
...and it's snowing, bro.
yup.
it's a snow day, and anything could happen.....
but the main thing that absolutely has to?
snow removal, man.
yep.
i have to get it today, even though it's SO awful to even think about.
i wait and i wait and i wait, and events keep progressing without me.
that's the effect the last year has had on me.
the fear of doing it wrong keeps me from doing anything,
and that's also wrong, for sure.
so, i'll go get the wrong snowblower-
i'm woefully underinformed about machinery-
and blow snow and leaves and tall grass across
the expanse of the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress,
since i have all of that debris in abundance all over the yard.
-
it's weird to work hard on dinner,
which disappears in a shark-gluttonous feeding frenzy,
but to avoid the labor associated with yard work.
i just HATE it so much, and i always have.
i need all the money, to hire all the workers, to do all the things i never ever wanna do.
and when all the money shows up, i'll need it to also generate time,
and with that time,
i'll do anything besides tattooing and driving and being all alone.
i don't have a megamillion dollar idea,
and the skills i have are great for being a multi-thousandaire,
but not much more than that.
so, instead, snowblowin' feels like a mission to colonize mars.
and work seems like the best job ever for not-quite-as-much-as-i'd like.
am i complaining?
probably.
am i improving?
i dunno;
neverquietneversoft.....

ENCHILADA BE KIDDING ME

soft flour tortillas, two sauces,
all sorts of tasty bits on the inside,
and a side of beans and rice?
neighbors-
i was up early, and i was busy busy from before dawn.
i couldn't sleep well.
maybe that's because i fall asleep way too early,
because it's SO freaking dark all the damned time.
probably.
ANYway, i was up and at 'em,
making homemade seitan in a big ol'  pot.
and,
i was deep into some expert enchilada sauce, too.
slow simmered prior to pureeing.
yeah.
i did something especially awesome,
in honor of the day being eleven eleven.
y'feel me?
look:

so much homemade hottness.
it's been a looong time since i wasted that much time making one meal.
-
now, lemme just say this:
too much is the right amount.
also,
MORE sprankles is way better.
and there's a whole lotta those, bros.
i'm sayin', just on top, there's:
red onion.
cilantro.
sweet baby tomatoes.
black olives.
pickled jalapenos.
thin-sliced radishes.
and AVO-F*ING-CADO.
that's pretty much a meal in itself.

-
the interior excellence was no joke, either.
refried beans-
with red sweet pepper, jalapenos, white onion, nootch, ho'sauce, and GPOP,
plus mashed up pink beans....
and 
cashew chee'-
1 cup raw cashews;
salt;
1 cup boiling water;
1 T lemon juice;
1 T nootch;
3 T tapioca starch;
1 tsp ea Garlic Powder and Onion Powder
cooked up in a small pot until it thickened up...
and
poblano pepper strips
and
diced white onion
and
cilantro
and
minced daiya mozarella.
(rules is rules)
and simmered homemade seitan.
the seitan recipe is here.
the oregano, smoked paprika, cumin, black pepper, and GPOP stirred up with it,
and a dash of lime juice, to fully-flavorize.
that's a ton of tastiness,
and all of it is wrapped in tortillas.

...
and then there's the gravy.
if you ain't using gravy on your enchiladas?
you are weak and sad and i feel pity for your face.
word.
the gravy is GOOOOOOOD.
and all it is is 3 T flour;
3 T vegan butter, toasted to a nutty scent and a golden color....
plus 1 cup seitan broth,
1/2 cup water;
1 T nootch;
1/2 tsp ea GPOP.
that's that good-good, guys.
poured into each gap between the arranged wraps?
perfection.
duders, the oven's gotta be 350℉.
and these tubes of tightness need to be laid over a greased 9" x 11" pan,
and then covered in enchilada SAUUUUUCE!!!!!!
mmhmm.
-
*
SAUCE!
-
in a 1 quart sauce pot, melt 1 T vegan butter,
and saute:
1/3 cup sweet onion;
1/3 cup minced sweet pepper;
1 minced jalapeno;
1/2 chopped poblano pepper;
2 cloves garlic;
2 bay leaves;
1/4 cup minced cilantro stems;
cooked until the onions are translucent,
then combined with:
1 tsp oregano;
1 tsp cumin;
1 tsp ground coriander seed;
1 tsp hot smoked paprika;
1/2 tsp black pepper;
1 tsp ea GPOP;
salt;
2 T fire-roasted tomato flakes;
2 T tomato paste;
1/3 cup sliced small baby grape tomatoes;
1 1/2 cups vegan broth;
simmered and simmered and simmered on low-low,
just to make sure it's fully cooked up-
now, after an hour or more,
add all that and 2 T flour, to a food processor or ninja blender or whatever,
and pulse it into a thiccc boi.
now, simmer it up for another 'nother thirty-forty minutes, man.
DAAAAAAAAAAAAMN.
it's too freakin' good.

-
and then there's yellow rice.
that's 1/2 cup jasmine rice,
and 1/2 tsp turmeric,
and 2 tsp enchilada sauce,
and 1 T lime juice with 1 1/4 cups of water....
and then, in the last five minutes of the simmerin',
i added:
scallions, cilantro, tomato, red bell pepper, jalapeno, black pepper,
black beans, poblano pepper, and white onion all together,
to heat it up and make it rainbow magical.
that's a lot of F*ing food.
but that's what happens when the day is over before it starts and the weather is
a heap of crap,
and it's cold as heck and mexican monday and veterans' day
and eleven eleven.
tight.
-
i should've gotten a snowblower.
i should've had a walk-in pickup-trucker in boots
who needed a half sleeve of silhouetted trees with a deer in it,
but instead, i just had enchiladas,
and sometimes, that's all you get.
-
i also have a hole in my leg, and it looks like a small-arms gunshot wound.
i have NOT been fired upon to my knowledge,
so that's troublesome.
imagine if i lost a leg to some mystery overnight injury?
that's be some kind of weak sauce for sure.
unlike my enchilada sauce, which is perfect;
never quiet, never soft.....