Rabbit, Rabbit!

wake up wake up wake up,
it's the first of the month!
so chiggity-check yo'self,
check that mailbox, 
then grab yo' checks, my ninjas.
i made sure to spout out a shout-out of Rabbit, Rabbit! at 5:24 a.m.
if i can't sleep in,
then i may as well crow up a cock-a-doodle-doo-doo buttery
pre-dawn salute to the prospect of
a month-long defrosting deluge of showers.
i know i could surely use a rip-roarin' spirit-soarin'
parcel of month-long good luck, too.
speaking of:
holy smokes, ya'll,
i've got some great news!!!
we found a place!
it may even be THE place.
more accurately,
my homeboy from hamden found it.
and passed along the info.
thanks, john!
talk about kismet, b!tches.
our phone is barely working,
but whilst worrying out loud on the fiber-optic freeway,
well past my bedtime,
i got a  a click-over call-waiting conference,
and a convergence of kickass karma coalesced!!
it's perfect.
seriously.
big, affordable, clean, dog-friendly.
i went to school with the dude-guy who owns it.
weird.
the secret universal plan works in mysterious ways.
and it's almost too good to be true.
naturally there's a catch;
so i've also got some other news!!
it's back in hamden, connecticut!!!!!
i know, i know,
i've said some things....
but still,
a few late night phone calls,
and all of a sudden,
we've got a great opportunity to take a stake in a tattoo studio down there,
and be closer to our families at the same time!
two spots for two tatblasters, ya'll!
what are those odds?
may 1st, my duders,
and the woodsly goodness will be replaced by nutmeg and a charter oak.
triumphant returns, mutha-uckas.
prodigal sons and daughters, yo.
big changes,
big moves.
big action.
new hampshire,
i'll miss you,
but when i picked live free,
you insisted on or die.
now this is happening.







c'mon,
what are you,
an A*hole?
APRIL FOOL'S, ya'll.
they don't make enough self-loathing on this planet to induce
a voluntary relocation to the cookie-cuttin', nut-grubbin',
weak sauce waterbaby poop-cauldron of connecticut.
woodsly + goodness = the whole point.
relax, everyone,
(sorry connecticut)
we'll be fighting the good fight for a while longer up here in the north.
(and who the heck is john?)
c'mon.
come on.
c'mon.
C'MON!!!!
i hope nobody actually believed i had turned it down lower than eleven.
contrary to what you may have heard,
i'm not a b!tch-sap diaper baby.
jeez.

as the news is on my mind this morning;
i want ya'll to recognize,
people up here love chevys.
so hard.
something about earnhart country or some crap like that.
i don't get it.
i think they're really ugly,
on the incredibly rare occasion i think of them at all.
not that i believe i share much in common with a pickup truck
(besides a gun rack)
but,
like a rock?
that's what chevy trucks are reportedly like.
at least,
according to that soft-rock sound bite from their old commercials.
and chevrolet's ceo got fired...
...like a rocket.
fired by america, no less.
that's some bombs burstin' in air-type sh!t, an' that, ya'll.
asking for more greenbacks got him a pink slip.
damn,
that's a hard style, my ninjas;
the government adding cars to a list previously composed of 
e.b.t. cards and bright orange bricks of age-resistant oil-based cheese.
i'll bet cadillac still finds the means to stay pimp, though.
ohhhhhhhhhhhh, sh!t,
i even heard they've got a new gov't cheese colored escalade comin' out.
wu-TANG!!
it's april, fool;
never quiet, never soft...