Monday, October 30


edges on brownies are dope.
they're the prized pieces of the puzzle.
they make an all-edge pan,
but it's a greek-key mosaic of underimaginative right angles.
why do brownies have to be square?
is that a rule?
weirdly, it's NOT.
when i want MORE edges,
which is to say, i always want more crispy edge bits,
i navigate some contested waters,
and put my brownies in muffin tins.
i'm LIKE that, and i LIKE that.
check the teleport:

that's all-over edge action, neighbors,
because i am not trying to wimp out on b!tch-A* brownies.
and also,
i'm rollin', b.
rollin' in circles on uneven wheels.
wheels made of crisp-edged deep chocolate hottness for my F*ing face.
wordimus prime.
that's edge-circumference maximization,
and that is expertism at it's best.
here's the recipe for the batter, in case you feel the need to make some for your own household.
and there's no law forbidding you from baking it in a pan, either.
just sayin',
you can dictate the edge-crispness and exclusivity as you see fit.
in a medium pot, melt up over lowish heat:
1 stick earth balance buttery spread (8T);
2/3 tsp salt;
2 tsp vanilla;
1 cup non-dairy milk;
1/2 cup cocoa(it helps a lot to whisk it in with the butter first to remove clumps);
4 T chocolate chips;
when that's one sloppy brown mess,
dissolve 1 1/2 cups brown sugar in there, too,
and remove it from the heat.
allow it to cool for five-ten minutes,
then stir in:
2 1/4 cups flour;
1 tsp baking powpow;
1 tsp bakey soda;
3 exxxtra-T cocoa;
kids, that's it.
easy easy easy.
add that to your pan, preferably after greasing it up,
and bake your brow blops, in the shape of your choosing, for 25 minutes.
well, OBVI, i frosted mine.
that's creamchee' frosting, too.
because it's slightly more forgiving when you are suddenly in a super-hurry,
and can't spare a minute to measure anything.
that's real.
a scoop of vegan creamchee', a big scoop of vegan tub-butts,
and a few cups of pow'sug',
plus vanilla and s'milk/
thanks stand mixer!
honestly, it's just an adhesive for sprankles.
i mean,
it's hallowe'en, man.
and rules is rules,
and without sprankles,
you're just wasting time.
hell yeah!
so, without wasting any MORE time,
let's just agree that that's your brownie jauns, ready to go.
i'm missing something, but i'll find it.
in the interim,
i'm steadily creating acres of edible excellence.
that's just how i do my thing.
treats on treats for my tricky time management.
i'm perpetually running late, which i haaaaaaaaaate-
i'm predominantly doing too many missions, and projects, and activities
to stand still, or wait around for time to catch up.
i'm racing against a clock that waits for no man,
and i'm in no-man's land, behind enemy lines,
ticking and tucking and task-mastering every available minute-
too much is the right amount,
but that somehow always equates to less time.
i guess that's what it costs-
and it ALL costs something-
some pricetags are steeper than others-
but rigorous luxuriousness just means i HAVE to have it;
never quiet, never soft..... 

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