Thursday, October 12


oatmeal cookies.
that's all you really need to know.
i'm fairly open with information about food that i make....
so i'll add that there is coconut, and that there are a LOT of chocolate chips, too.
oatmeal coconut chocolate chips cookies.
that's MORE of what you need to know.
and you may already be aware of this:
too much is the right amount...
so there is also a healthy slap of dark chocolate ganache frosted across the tops.
oh. yeah.
and rules is rules,
so there are also seasonally accurate expert sprankles, as well.
THAT'S all there is to know.
now you've just got to look at 'em:

what else can i say?
oh, right.
here's how to have some of your very own:
preheat your oven to 375℉
cream together, in whatever sized bowl you'd like
(allowing for increased mess the smaller the bowl is)
10 T vegan butterish;
1 cup dark brown sugar;
1/2 tsp salt;
2 tsp vanilla.
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce;
stir that into some sloppy blops, then add:
1 cup whole old fashioned oats;
2 1/4 cups flour;
1/2 cup unsweetened medium flake coconut;
1 tsp bakey kapowpow;
1 tsp bakin' sodie;
1 cup mini dairy free dark chocolate chips.
knead that into dough,
scoop out small roundies, roll 'em  in your palm, press 'em flattish,
and arrange them on baking trays,
where they'll live, in the oven,
for 13 minutes, until they're ready to reemerge as amazing little floppy discs
of buttery, melty, chocolaty hottness.
you can do that with, like, no probsies, man.
the trick is to be patient,
and not spread the chocolate on top too soon.
and the chocolate ganache is still just:
1/4 cup chocolate chips;
2 T powdered sugar;
1 tsp vanilla;
splash of non-dairy milk.
heated on lowlow until melted together,
and then smeared like a nasty ad campaign, bro.
oh yeah, dudes, there's just one other thing:
sprankles are what you need.
in general, and also specifically in this instance, too.
that's real.
guess who just found out how to be a cookie pro?
it's you.
hallowe'en shopping finally got started yesterday.
that took forEVER to get going.
admittedly, i've got a whole lot going on,
bu still,
what kind of man would i be if i didn't have a costume for the big day?
a real A*-hole, that's what kind.
and i'm not that, man.
no way.
i'm a dress-up mess-up and a master of disguise.
now let's see what i can conjure in the time allotted.
i hope it's something rad.
the apocalypse-themed roas warrior poet theme continues this year, too.
anybody know how to sculpt durable fake bones?
asking for a friend.
it's all about to get more complicated,
just like always;
never quiet, never soft.....

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