Monday, October 9


....and that's a wrap, folks.
it wasn't a wrap, per se....
because a wrap is NOT a sandwich.
it's a lazy burrito without rice,
and that's not invited to my eight day gluttonfest,
or any other festival, festivity, or fiesta....
when it's time to party at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress,
we rep the between-bread barbarian big action only.
because sandwich week is F*ing expert,
and wraps are for nerds.
that's not how i doo-doo that freaky sh!t, bruh.
i get fresh to death on freshly baked homemade buns.
and i get down and dirty on homemade veggie burgers.
in fact,
i go hard on sandwiches in general,
and for the final installment of my eight-day voyage of dietary discovery,
i turned up the hottness on some spicy black beans 'n' them.
check the teleport:

cornmeal-kissed big BIG buns!
homemade, firm, spicy black bean burguesas, with corn.
rainbow fiesta guacamole!!!
salsa fresca picante!!!
a few leaves of crawnchy lettuce,
and a splash of sprouts,
and handful of pickled jalapeno sprankles for good measure.
here's the thing-
i should've made the buns smaller,
and the patties thinner,
i just couldn't bring myself to b!tch out at the finish line...
too much is the right amount.
and that doesn't change on day eight.
....or day eighty, for that matter.
so iwent large and in charge for my finale,
and you know something?
it was totally worth it.
you interested in what's inside those crisp-crusted circles of superior sexxxiness?
saute 1/2 cup chopped onion,
and 1/2 a large tomatillo until browned, in a tablespoon of oil.
in your food processor,
2 cloves garlic;
3 T chick pea flour;
1/2 cup rolled oats;
1 can (15oz) drained and rinsed black beans;
2 T ground flax seeds;
1 T fried garlic (it's important to note that the two garlic styles are key here)
smoked paprika, GPOP, oregano, cumin, coriander, sage;
a punch of nootch;
a punch of cilantro;
a scoop of rough-hewn scallion;
that fried-up tomatillo and onion;
salt, black pepper, cayenne.
^^^pulse it up so it's somewhat chunky,
and transfer the pulp to a small mixing bowl-
add 1/2 cup frozen corn,
and adjust the spices to your preferred level of intensity.
form up fatty patties,
and sizzle those suckers on medium heat, in a generous sheen of hot oil,
until they're crispity-crusted on both sides.
the buns were basically what i've already described throughout the week,
but with 3 T cornmeal added in for elite textural upgrade activation.
that's real.
the salsa fresca is so easy, you just may end up always having some on hand,
although i'll wager you'll devour it as fast as you can create it:
i hope you have a hand-chopper of some sort.
i have a 'salsa-maker' which is basically a manual food processor,
and i personally love it the MOST.
you could do it all by hand, or you could ruin it an automatic processor,
if you're about that fresh raw salsa life, get yourself that little gadget,
and rejoice at your newfound salsa prowess.
4 roma tomatoes;
2 tomatillos;
1/3 poblano;
1/2 jalapeno;
1/3 cup rainbow bell pepper;
1/2 red onion;
1 T scallion;
3 T cilantro;
2 cloves raw garlic;
chop chop chop chop chop all that up.
go longer on the 'matoes and 'matillos, so there's some semi-solid smoosh
mooshed in with the chunks, if you know what i'm talking about-
add GPOP, and salt, and black pepper, AND lots of lime juice.
stir it up, let it marinate, and eat the holy ever-lovin' livin' heck outta that sh!t asap!
salsa is for the cool kids.
don't be a lame, eat more salsa.
and my guac?
it's that guap!
actually, it's reallllly similar to the salsa fresca,
with AVO-F*ING-CADO instead of juicy tomatoes an' that.
and it's gooooooooood af, too.
sandwich week is over and out,
and while i'm sad to see it go,
i've got new horizons to pursue
until the next time that sunday is also the rabbit rabbit calendar start up...
rules is rules.
the week was a quantifiable success.
i couldn't help but notice that not everybody knew what to celebrate.
would you believe there are people who don't know about sandwich week?
yeah...i'm as surprised as you are!
there were terrible fairgoers, interested only in trucks or horse races
or country music concerts or tractor pulls or blue-ribbon pig buttholes or whatever.
and there were scores on scores of elderlies on tour buses,
just driving around looking at leaves.
and there were long-weekending second-homeowner traffic jammers, too.
i'm sayin',
the indigenous peoples,
and the leif eriksons of anarchy,
AND the christendumb-dumbs reppin' cristobal colon jauns
were all vying for three day dominance-
and yet,
where were all my sandwich appreciators?
i guess they were here.
with me.
in this manly manor where most of the mealtime magic gets managed.
the woodsly goodness was positively packed to the tippity top with tourists,
and yet,
we managed to master ALL the sandwiches,
go exxxtra-heavy on the falafels, fried dough, and french-style shoestring potatoes,
AND still take on all the tattoos that's fit into each and every day.
that's a LOT, man.
i feel like maybe i'm spread too thin?
there just doesn't seem to be enough time to do everything.
and i HATE that.
i haven't even started my hallowe'en costume yet!
i don't know when i will,
just that i have to get going on it.
there are tattoos booked every damned day for another 'nother month.
y'all out here reppin' long weekends and days OFF....
that's weird to me.
i'll find a place for all the things,
or i'll literally fall asleep trying;
never quiet, never soft.....

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