Friday, October 6


ohhhhhhhh man!!
it happened again...
another 'nother other 'nother burly barbarian big business banger
came out swinging from the Folk Life & Liberty test kitchen laboratory.
that's a thing.
what was i doing at 5:30 a.m.?
i was making jalapeno cornbread.
what were you doing?
i mean, c'mon, man,
a soft, slightly sweet, semi-crumbly, sorta spicy square of maize mastery
is what you probably need right now.
i know it's what i needed, neighbors...
just like i know you're going to want to check the flippin' teleport:

guys, y'all still ain't ready for this much hottness.
on the ones,
that's a sweet potato burger,
and it's got that good-good going off like a bomb in your mouth!
yes, yes, and also yes- there's substance and flavor in abundance,
a veritable exxxplosion of expertism, hand-formed and pan-fried,
to bring your 'buds to the limits of survivable sensation,
and then reel them back jusssst enough for another big bite!
you wanna do this at your house?
i hope so,
because what follows is  a true-life record of  how-to.
preheat your oven to 425℉
in a small saucepan, melt 4 T vegan butterish,
with 2 T vegan creamchee;
in a medium-sized mixing bowl, whisk together:
1 cup flour;
1 cup cornmeal;
3/4 tsp salt;
3 T raw sugar;
2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
1 1/2 minced jalapeños;
add 1 cup + 2 T non-dairy milk, stirred with 1 T cider vinegar, (rested for five minutes)
AND the melty butts'stuff,
and stir just enough to combine everything.
add that to a greased 8" square pa,
and bake for 20 minutes or so, until golden.
that's jalapeno cornbread.
next, those soft and spicy swee'potato patties are on the menu:
boil one peeled diced small sweet potato until fork tender, drain and cool.
in a small bowl, combine:
3/4 cup chick pea flour;
1/2 tsp salt;
2 T nootch;
2 tsp ea. Garlic Powder Onion Powder;
cumin, coriander, smoked paprika, black pepper;
add the potato, and mash it up.
in a different bowl, whisk up:
2 T flour;
2 T cornstarch;
1/2 tsp paprika;
 dash of salt.
form wet patties from the pulpy mix,
(personally, i made three big 'uns,
because MORE is better, but bigger is quantifiably MORE)
and press each side into the flour combo.
- fry 'em up until both sides are brown and crusty,
and you're in it to win it, for sure.
now, you just have to put it all together, man!
i believe in you, too.
let's review the steps that'll get you where you need to be!
1.cut yourself a slab of cornbread.
2. slather the bottom with vegenaise.
3. add pickled onions.
4. throw down a mound of collard slaw.
(that's chiffonaded, stemmed collard greens, shredded purple carrot, salt, white vinegar,
and black pepper)
5. drop a fat patty on top.
6. make BBQ sauce.
make BBQ sauce?
homemade tastes better.
i had about fifteen minutes until i'd be late for work,
but, i made it work,
and made it to work.
what did i do?
i did it like this, son:
in a small saucepan, heat up, while also stirring frequently:
4 T organic corn-syrup-free ketchup;
2 T horseradish dijon mustard;
1 T cholula chipotle ho'sauce;
1 T raw sugar;
1 T molasses;
1 T malt vinegar;
oregano, cumin, coriander, paprika;
1 tsp soy sauce.
and it's just enough for three fat sarnies to soak up.
......and then you add pickles and pickled jalapeños,
and win for 'best sandwich of the day'.
that's the truth.
the fair, after 8pm, is free.
that's real.
that's not my strategy.
that's what poor people do.
and i have money for big fun, kids.
that's just about the time that my obligatory crabtree dogtending is wrapping up,
after coming home and taking care of responsible adult chores and maintenance.
it's sort of a happy nighttime nightcap,
a falafel and french-style fries, with vinegar.
i feel like it's a team building exercise, too.
dudes who eat all the foods together have a stronger bond
than ones who eat none...
that's probably true, right?
i hope so, because we out here beating UP some treats on treats.
i know i look worse, and feel terrible,
and that's without even competitively terrorizing any mass quantities.
last night was a sad one for me, on a sentimental attachment note.
my special mug, my tin cup, my handled can,
my bayou billy's soda refill commemorative chalice,
was left behind, by accident,
somewhere on the fairgrounds.
i had that mother-effer for like nine years.
that's a longer stretch of continuous goodwill than i've ever had with anything else.
i guess that's symbolism, isn't it?
letting go, without even realizing it,
and giving up the things from before, to make more room for the new new.
who knew?
deep down, i'm kind of stressed and sad,
but really,
it was just a flippin' cheap vessel for bad-for-me beverages.
it's time to upgrade, i guess.
we'll see what happens.
maybe a vegan chai?
apple cider?
anything can happen, if i even make it to those well-trod stomping grounds this evening.
i mean,
it IS still sandwich week,
although i still don't have a before work masterpiece ready just yet.
...even if i DID bake a quartet of sexxxy sub rolls just now in case inspiration strikes....
it's all up in the air,
but it's all unfolding along the creases and pleats of an origami planagram...
what the heck are we making?
bad decisions!
who knows?!
this is it, and that's that;
never quiet, never soft.....

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