i'd prefer a plan.
i'm like hannibal from the A-team in that regard.
uh, really, tho,
i'm on that george peppard tip,
only,
more like breakfast at tiffany's than just simply loving it when a plan comes together.
y'know?
you might now.
in fact,
sorry to everybody younger than thirty-five who may be reading this-
there is a whole big world of information out there waiting for you to discover it.
back to the matter at hand-
i can improvise if i have to.
for example,
if i'm somehow at home in the woodsly goodness with a bare cupboard.
yup.
that's a thing that sometimes happens.
normally,
i have back-ups for all my back-ups;
which is sometimes also known as stockpiling,
or 'prepping', in disaster/mormon terminology.
however,
with the grocer being located on the other side of town,
and the tattoo studio being just a short hop and skip from
the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress where i reside,
i rare have an occasion to go there.
huh?
i know, right?
but i work seven days a week, man,
and when you're on that always-on sh!t,
jaunts to get those jauns become less and less frequent.
it's now become an out-of-the-way place,
despite the frequency with which i create meals for my savage maw.
...damn.
so,
i took a quick look at the cans and cases remaining,
and i knew right away that i had what i needed to doo-doo some mega-turbo
man-mountain tortilla tune-up tremendousness.
mmmmhmmmm.
dudes,
i'm on some other other NACHOOOOOOOOOOOO business.
check the teleport:
ENORMOUS!!
that's one whole bag's worth of chips,
plus a little MORE, because too much is the right amount.
real talk.
multigrain goodies mixed in among the yellow corn triangles,
for a full-spectrum cornelius exxxplosion,
even without the massive dose of dopeness all over the top.
...aaaand then there's that monumental mass-effect mayhem all over the top-
-
neighbors,
just so you know-
if you aren't mincing up your daiya shreds before you put them on stuff,
you're basically effing up pretty hard.
that's the truth.
they melt faster, and better, if you dice 'em up first.
try it for yourself, and shoot me a note to thank me afterwards.
word up.
-
there's cheddar AND mozzarella bits on there, mixed, and spread on the bottom layer,
the top layer, and again on top of THAT.
yeah.
they gotta glue those F*ers together, after all.
-
next up, heavily ho'sauced (the homie texas pete represents), nootch-boosted
extra-oniony GPOP'd refried beans.
that's premade beans, plus a tablespoon of vegan butter, and another tablespoon of olive ol,
and a heavy shake of the powders, a handful of nutritional yeast,
and a dousing of ho' ho, bro.
make sure your beans are dope, or you're the dope.
rules is rules.
-
next up?
black beans, straight ahead.
that's all.
-
and red and orange and yellow sweet baby bell peppers,
AND sliced serrano spicy mofos,
and fire-roasted oil cured green chilis.
peppers on peppers on peppers, kiddo,.
that's what superturbodeluxxxos are made of.
-
orange and red tomatoes showed up to hang out,
i like a nice sweet baby tomato.
they're pretty, and juicy, and not too slimy, and overall an welcome addition to most things.
plus, they go great with minced sweet onion, which is also on top.
i mean. c'mon,.
they're SUPER NACHOS, friends,
not b!tchbaby poopboat chips.
get with it.
and then, just to keep it exxxtra,
i dabbed on a whole heckuvalotta dollops of jalapeno-poblano ho'sauce, too.
i'm. not. no. punk-A*. weak-sauce. diaperbutt. babypants. son.
-
and there's chili-cauliflower on there too, friends.
yes, there is.
braised in a pot, with oregano, and basil, and GPOP, and smoked paprika,
cayenne, and cumin, and coriander, and ancho pepper, all added a shake at a time,
until it smelled right.
if it smells right, then it IS right, and that's right.
so,
with softened cauli-florets seasoned and stuffed throughout the nacho tower,
the undertaking was finally oven ready.
baked at 400℉ until all the chee' was melty af,
with the convection setting circulating all that superheated air for maximum efficiency,
i had myself a worthy adversary, made from the minimal ingredients i had on hand.
no jokes.
then, i found an avo-F*ing-cado, and my day/night was made even more expert...
i mean it.
and after all of that,
the whole entire heaping hulking cumbersome tower of tortilla terror
was finished off with fresh end-of-the-line pea shoots,
that luscious prefect ripe-as-heckfire avocado,
a splash or three MORE of that cholula jalapeno-poblano ho'sauce,
and finally, a handful of cilantro and scallion sprankles!!!
like i said:
too much is the right amount.
if you aren't OVERdoing it,
why the F* are you even going through the motions?
y'know?
yeah.
that's what's up.
***********
now,
some of you may be saying to yourselves that that seems
like an awful lot of ingredients for a man claiming a bare cupboard;
but,
your version of empty, and mine, aren't the same, dog.
no doubt about it,
when i'm down to a noah's ark's worth of stuff,
i may as well have none, as far as i'm concerned.
my life goes to eleven, or it doesn't go anywhere at all.
y'all can keep your responsible portions,
your thoughtfully apportioned larders,
AND your simple meals all to yourselves.
this is warrior poetic woodsly goodsly shark gluttony.
the infinite nature of the universe,
at it's most ornate but basic fundamental core,
is to consume and reproduce and expand.
synergy exists because all successful species adapt to competition
and find a place to thrive in the wake of stronger, bigger, badder, better organisms.
why?
because nature wins, yo.
that's not to say i'm not totally fine with any and all delicate dumpybutts
making measured meals inspired by the grandiose gorging
of my world-eating word-bearing warrior appetites....
if that's your thing, then do your thing-
but i'm force-feeding a face-first fracas of fully-immersive, ingestible,
interactive participatory party time down the gullet of my own daily doings.
...at it's prime elemental foundation, i'm simply consuming, and destroying,
according to my predestined programming;
only, i'm over here carrying out the prime directive with a whole lot of panache.
dudes,
it's all really happening,
even when it's just nachos.
because really,
if you're doing it right
it's never just nachos,
it's an celebration of our borrowed time in the middle of eternity;
never quiet, never soft.....
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