gettin' it.

HEY-O!!!!
look,
if i wasn't cookin',
i'd be bakin';
if i wasn't bakin',
i'd be drawing;
if i wasn't drawin',
i'd still be gettin' it...
...period.
i do stuff, duders.
and i do all of it a lot,
and i do every last bit of it as hard as i can.
that's how worthy warrior poetry works.
i'm in a fight to the death with life,
and even though i know it'll eventually get the best of me,
for the foreseeable meantimes before i bounce out,
i'm determined to win as many battles, skirmishes, conflicts,
brushfire brouhahas, blitzkrieg raids,
and drawn-out escalations of aggression in as many different ways as i can.
collateral damage is not tolerated, however,
so,
despite my no-quarter close quarters combat against every damned day,
i'm not taking any animal body parts down with me.
y'know?
a deathmatch powered by all-the-way-live life-giving goodness
is the only way to doo-doo that sort of sh!t.
no negotiations necessary,
and no olive branches extended-
in fact, i'd prefer only extra-virgin olive oil drizzles, please.
you gotta get after it, and you gotta get it.
rules is rules.
anything less is a gigantic waste of time,
and that's that inactive non-participation that i revile the most.
the point is-
you get to decide whether to just be dope,
or to F* right off.
it's really that simple.
so,
in the truest storytelling, and the realest of real life documentarianism,
i'll let you in on a little secret:
i went into saturday night with NO idea what to make,
just an imperative directive towards dopeness.
did i deliver?
you tell me:

KABLAMMO!!!!
neighbors,
c'mon.
i already knew i had some hottness on deck.
i mean,
i HAD to, and when you HAVE to, you do what needs doing.
on the fly,
no rehearsal, live, on a saturday night.
sandwich week is a good one,
and last night was exceptionally so.
soft parisian bread?
check.
single-side dry toasted?
you bet.
nootch-blasted, dry mustard seeded, olive-oiled,
macerated raw garlic-activated vegan mayo remoulade?
hell yeah!
the bread game was straight up expert,
so the insides couldn't be weak, y'know?
....they're molto strong, too, you can rest assured.
a base of big pickles, because pickles are good....
radicchio, red chili, parsley, cilantro, and basil slaw...
a red and green celebration of mayo-kissed crawnchy flavor.
neighbors!
that seitan tho.
herby-cripsy-spicy fuego-a-go-go like you wish you'd had in your mouth/.
smoked paprika, sage, cayenne, black pepper, and GPOP,
in a starchy flour, for that crucial crust of boomFIRE.
so spicy.
so crisp on the outside,
so juicy within.
what i mean is, i was gettin' it.
with vidalia onion strips, caramelized like a brown goddess of slippery love,
and incredibly sweet miniature orange pepper rings,
for a special crawnch, that lifted the whole thing to new heights.
it was pretty elite,. kids.
so F*ing elite, in fact,
that once i'd bitten the very last big bite,
i actually said, out loud- 'awwwwwwww',
because i knew there wasn't any more.
that's one rich 'guini, with oil upon oil everywhere,
and although  it wasn't greasy,
and it didn't feel very heavy,
i knew i should probably take care when it came to the accompaniments.
what?
stop it.
is that weak sauce?
i hope not.
too much is the right amount,
but too much midsection isn't so sexxxy.
when you're blarpin' hard
by the tail end of sandwich week,
you might want to think of a couple of better options.
damn.
so i made two salads,
because that's twice as smart-
baby british cukes, with pea tendrils,
and some of that ST^R W^RS carrot-ginger jauns;
a little old school throwback to my parents' place,
with a slightly more sophisticated house salad-
red onion, bib lettuce, and fancy tomatoes, oily, and vinegary,
and good for my nostalgic inklings.
ha.
*
my styles are hard,
but my gettin' skills are even harder.
still,
i'm sort of sad that this is the last day of sandwich week.
i mean, for serious,
i always have, and always will, absolutely HATE goodbyes.
that's no joke.
they're never good, and they always mean losing something...
however,
i will be gaining new options on the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress menu plan,
and i s'pose that's a fairly even trade.
eight days of strong 'guini goodness,
in a row,
and today is the day it all comes to a close.
guess what?
i've got NO idea what's on the plate tonight,
but i do know i'll have to make sure it rocks the party,
because the last song of the last show on your farewell tour
had better be a hit;
never quiet, never soft.....

treatin' it up!

chocolate creme!!!!!
yup.
you know i think chocolate is expert, right?
well, i do, because it is...
right now,
i'm utilizing some chocolaty goodness in the smoothest way possible-
that creme, neighbors.
i told you a little minute ago about how to do it,
a cup of soymilk, hot as heck on the stove,
and a sup of soymilk with vanilla, powdered sugar, starch, flour,
and all that jazz, blended into aslurry and added in,
plus soooo much stirring-
this one is not much different,
except that it's got so much chocolate...
mmmmmm.
i even put some elite vegan marshmallowy hot cocoa jauns in there.
a little somethin' exxxtra, just because i had it on hand.
it came out so thick, and rich, and smooth, and good.
check the teleport:

i mean, c'mon, man.
i had some sweet dough left over from the other day,
and i made a big ol' tart-shaped sugar cookie for the crust,
and i even stamped out some circles on the side,
for fillin' up with dark chocolate ganache, and squooshing together.
i'm just sayin',
little baby sandwiches on a pie might be the future.
what?
you know i HAD to doo-doo that sandwich sh!t.
it's F*ing sandwich week,
and rules is rules.
so,
there's cookies and creme,
but that's not nearly enough, now, is it?
no way.
too much is the right amount,
naturally.
to make sure i did justice to the mantra,
i also activated an avalanche of cocoa frosting, too.
swirls on swirls, whorled around in the empty spaces,
just to kick up the enveloping awesomeness of MORE chocolaty cheer.
oh, yes-
the chocolate level is definitely high,
almost to the point of overwhelming your brainwaves
with short-fuse frequencies of loud, fresh, hardness.....
that's the moment when you add something special,
and kick the power up a notch,
because taking it to eleven is the only place left to go.
wordimus prime.
shaved chocolate bar sprankles did the trick.
yum.
a quick little pie, chilled out and firmed up,
so the gelato-jiggle of that chocoliscious love rally
really takes you right where you wanna be.
*
oh, yes,
and i terrorized an almost-everything bagel for breakfast.
i did.
teleport:

almost everything.
(for realsies, it could've been whole wheat, too-
don't call it everything is you're gonna make one with even more)
garlic hummus, crispy fried tofu, baconical brickish strips,
pea shoots, and the last bits of my custom guacamole.
such a squishy 'guini, but so tasty from the first bite to the last-
that's no joke.
all that sh!t on the bagel really accentuated all the already expert tastes within.
and while i will i'll admit i miss the Tea'N'Toast ritual,
it's only for a week that i'm putting stuff in between the slices,
and i can resume my regular routine on monday, anyway.
i'm almost there,
and i'm almost ready for tonight.
we'll see what happens by evening,
i hope i can conjure up a worthy presentation for day 7.
what else even is there?
cooking and eating,
creating and devouring,
messing it up and cleaning up afterwards,
there's a pattern of creative destruction, and destructive creation,
constructive instruction, and instructive ingestion.
it's all really happening,
and it's the best part, each and every time;
never quiet, never soft.....

inspiration.

hey neighbors,
it's saturday,
and i have totally been crushing so hard here in the test kitchen of
the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress that i'm almost out of propane!

holy crap, what a dummy i can be-
my monomaniacal focus has been so fixated on what goes on
in between all the bread,
instead of what powers the pans, and now i'm in pinch.
i'm serious.
i guess i should've been more mindful of the ovenly consumption,
and maybe more logistically aware that this much exxxtra cooking,
coupled with the heroically indulgent hot showers i've been enjoying,
was going to eat up all the fuel.
damn.
so,
today is the kind of rainy day where the propane man comes out as an s.o.s.,
what's the difference?
well,
he'll be giving me those weekend rates,
with the shoulda-paid-attention tax added in.
ugh.
the thing is-
i CAN'T let the fire go out, duders.
no sir...
it's still sandwich week,
and we've got more treats to eat.
yeah.
rules is rules, and the sandwich world is calling me.
huh?
oh sure,
i could grill up something tonight, under the eaves,
whilst avoiding the drips and drops of a soggy saturday night,
but then, what about tomorrow?
see?
the foresight i previously lacked is returning in spades.
great.
interestingly, to me at least,
while i've not got a lot of big ideas yet for this evening's resplendent repast.
i DO have some brutally large batards,
(which, in non-english aren't insensitively named at all!)
and i think that means long, fat lengths of somethin' are bound to happen.
(t.w.s.s.)
lucky for me,
a quick prework trip to the grocery yesterday yielded some proper inspiration,
and in relatively short order,
i activated an appropriate usage for all the new ingredients.
friends,
check the big-hot-french-type teleport:

BOOOOOOM!!!!
grabbing a really crackly crawnchy baguette is always going to get
my creative juices flowing, and when there's the perfect loaf,
staring me right in the eyes at my preferred local bread spot?
the ideas are gestating before i can hand over my sweet moolah.
mmhmmm.
i bit off one of the butts on the way to home after work,
and that crusty magic had me engrossed immediately.
i get so excited when something tastes so rewarding,
it makes y'wanna make a new dance move up.
the bread game was covered.
so what happened next?
guys,
crisp, tart, sweet jazz apple slices, for jump-off jammie-jammin' like a champ!
yeah!!!
that's the bottom most base for this burly beast.
then,
there's lightly oiled wilted arugula, because leafy greens are what i can relate to-
...especially the mildly bitter ones.
on top of THAT, though, is where the future met the present...
dry-fried thinly-sliced portobello mushroom steaks,
lightly salted to soften 'em a scooch, and suck away any overt wetness,
only to see 'em get deglazed with white balsamic vinegar, liquid smoke, soy sauce,
and a pair of pinches of rosemary.
the bouquet on that stuff! the texture!! the taste!!!
all so expert!
i could've just eaten that, and been in heaven......
....if i was a diaperbaby with no flair for extravagance.
good thing i'm a berserker barbarian battle-beast,
with an appetite for overdoing every damned thing, right?
no doubt.
that's why there's also all those blackened concentric circles of grilled leek, too.
aaaaaaaand the molassesy majesty of that tempeh bacon.
(i made it in the morning, so i knew i had at least ONE thing started for supper)
now,
that would've been incredible as a sandwich,
but too much is the right amount,
and sometimes,
the universe is unsubtle when suggesting that you've left something out.
i'm over here scurrying around, pans blazing, dog underfoot,
him wanting a little supplemental snack after his supper,
me wanting to stop tripping over him.....
i opted to bribe him into leaving me alone for a little minute,
and as i was sprinkling weird biscuit dust on a piece of apple for him?
the light bulb lit above my baldspot,
and i realized i hadn't hit this sandwich up with a key component.
yup.
just like that,
i had a pan and some oil getting hella hot,
because i KNEW i needed some kind of sprankles.
word up.
fried almond and garlic slices, mimicking each other in shape and size,
stuck in place with fresh basil aioli!
hmm? what's that? it sounds amazing?.
i knowwwwwwwwwwwww.
it was.
i know another thing, too-
the sides really took the plate to eleven.
i'm just sayin'.
lemon-kissed cabbage and radish salad, seasoned simply wit salt and pepper.
the tang of the lemon, and the spice of the radish kept me interested in each bite.
and i got my lycopene from an array of rainbow tomatoes,
split up between that salad, and that whole-grain superhottness on the other side...
farro is expert,
and with shredded spinach, GPOP, and a little olive oil, it's even more so.
i pulled it out,
and tonight, i've got to do it all over again.
i mean,
c'mon.
anybody can make some b!tch-A* boring jauns,
but i'm over here on day seven of turbo-fresh boomfire fuego for my face.
it doesn't matter what you're doing, as long as you're doing it as hard as you can.
i'm pretty sure that's a thing.
if you're not already all about it, give it a shot-
i'm betting the good ones out there among you will LOVE it.
all the rest aren't welcome to pig out at my table.
savage stormswept serious shark-gluttony is what we want;
never quiet, never soft.....

puebla.

white folks in america go bananas for cinco de mayo!
why?
i think it's because they reallllly like tacos and guacamole,
but equally, simultaneously, realllllly don't give a single sh!t
about foreign history, culture, or tradition-
so,
while every crackery college girl was getting LIT on tequila yesterday,
i was steady crushing some tangerine limeade seltzer water,
and also bringing the victory parade home to my mouth!!
yuuuuuup.
it's not mexican independence day,
but it IS an american guacamole party.
real talk,
i'm such a sucker for getting expert on stuff that might not actually
be dope when THEY do it,
but somehow gets turned up to eleven
whenever my hands get hold of the hottness.
i hope that's a thing.
anyway, check the cinco-de-mayo-type teleporte:

DAAAAAAMN!!
dios mio, duders.
hand-formed patty-patty-cakes of masarepa and flour!
corn tortas are the truth when it comes to bunning it on the fifth-
with a smidgen of soy yogurt for smoothin' 'em out,
and a pinch of salt for making the corny taste pop a bit-
there's a baby bit of baking soda in there, as well,
to give the wheaten floury end of things a little boost.
how good are they?
the're so good i made a bunch of little bitty ones,
buttered the pan,
and melted up a little daiya chee' in between a few pairs,
for exxxtra-credit miniature grilled chee' sandwiches!
i mean, for realsies, though-
too much is the right amount,
and sandwich week is an exercise in perpetual excess.
now, we had the tortas, and they were fried up in coconut oil,
and lookin' pretty crisp around the edges,
and there was a slice of daiya melted on one,
for a special treat designed to add superlative activation,
and melty nutrients to the big black bean burguesa in the middle.
neighbors,
i spread the baby red leaf lettuce on a massive slathering shmear of guac,
and laid that spicy severely garlicky black bean baby b!tch right on it.
a can of already ready black beans,
a third of a cup of garbanzo flour,
a grabhand of chia seeds, a splash of flaxmeal,
a rainbow of supersweet mini peppers,
half a red onion,  the white butts of a bunch of scallions,
mucho mucho garlic, a giant tomatillo and a little tomatillo,
(which just means two tomatillos)
a big ripped hunk of cilantro,
dashes of GPOP, cumin, ground coriander, smoked sea salt, black pepper,
a drizz' of soy sauce and another 'nother drizz of olive oil,
plus a third of a cup of wheat gluten, to hold it together,
as it all got processed in the whirling blades of my food demolisher.
i let the pressed patties rest all day in the fridge,
and then i slowly cooked them on medium-ish heat,
while i let everything else fall into place.
as for the 'guini-
MORE guacamole was called for;
and a scoople of salsa fresca,
which i must mention was lookin' very especial in crucial rojo red;
due to a crazy wide variety of tomatoes;
and lastly, but of vast importance, the true upgrade:
coconut cashew crema.
F*ing expert.
a full-fat rim of coconut milk, pureed with cashews,
until the whole thing was a decadent and deviantly dope dollop on top of everything else.
going to eleven is not some weak sh!t for weak-A* diaperturds.
you gotta get it poppin', or you gotta go away.
rules is rules.
guys,
ho' sauce fired-up refried pintos, with lime?
always.
we doo-doo that blarpity bean blops-style stuff whenever we do anything
that seems even vaguely south of texas.
for serious.
i love 'em,
and you might too... if you're cool, i mean.
MORE guac, MORE salsa caliente, fancy hexgonal chips,
and lime wedges everywhere, to put the citrus twist to the whole damned jam.
uh-huh.
-
the seltzer i mentioned earlier?
in new england, polar is king,
and they've got the lim' edi' flavors killing it year-round.
tangerine limeade is dope,
and what's even better is it's just water, invisible deliciousness, and bubbles.
that's it.
like, it's practically alchemystical sorcery, in liquid liters...
i'm about this woodsly goodness i've cultivated around myself-
stone sober, steady munching up awesome food,
and truly grateful for the life that lets me do both.
so,
for the record, one more time:
it's okay not to drink.
unless it's that seltzie.
then, it's imperative to chug gallons at all times.
word up.
playing around during sandwich week won't stand,
and weak sauce can't be tolerated even during normal weeks.
in the interest of interesting edible elitism,
i'm making food every morning,
in advance of the advancements in Folk Life & Liberty Fortress time management
kitchen collective cooperative commune jauns.
y'know?
i get while the gettin' is good,
before the others get up, and get into their schtick, too.
what's god that's gettin' gotten this morning?
teleport:

muffz,
one buttered up, and hooked up with baconish,
dry fried tofu, spinach, and sprouts.
the other, a tofu b.l.t. straight up.
-
i eat a lot.
i cook a lot.
i do the things that make me happiest,
so when i also do the things that need doing,
i can hold onto the big action boomfire that has either just passed,
or is soon to come.
that's a sandwich,
with work as the middle, and bookended by the best buns a fella could ask for.
ha.
this is What Is,
and it's unfolding along well-worn time-tested creases
in the secret universal planagram blueprints-
it's all really happening,
it's all already really happened,
it'll all really happen again and again;
never quiet, never soft.....

roger roger.

duders,
ST^R W^RS D^Y was a good one-
may the fourth was definitely with us,
and we were attuned to the living force like jedi masters.
for realsies.
now,
i spent most of the morning making fancy cookies,
and yeah, if we're being honest.
i also spent a good deal of time in the late afternoon making sandwiches....
but,
in between all the cooking hottness,
it was totally my day off,
and it IS still sandwich week,
and ampy-d and crabtree and i hung out pretty flippin' hard,
all of us, together, for the whole entire day.
so,
it was good,
despite the very wet weather.
and the very busy food creation schedule i set for myself.
i think part of the time-crunch was that, despite a decent amount of pre-game prep,
i set my sights on the level eleven berserker barbarian battle-beast tier,
and that requires a whole bunch more work.
mhhmm.
i mace windu-doo that freaky sh!t.
ha.
what's star wars without a trilogy, am i right?
i knowwwwwwwwww.
so i couldn't just crush a single sexxxy sandwich.
no way.
i had to do a triumphant trio.
rules is rules.
that's what's up, and that's how it happened.
check the teleport:

i've got a FAT feeling about this!
days ago, i started marinating some superfirm,
very drained and pressed molto tofu in white wine viunegar
and lemon juice, with oregano, black pepper, and sea salt-
y'know what that makes?
marinated tofu- duh.
but, y'know what it very barely resembles, with a little imagination?
chee'.
and you know what that is for?
yuuuuup.
the first sandwich, y'all:

BOBA FETA!!!
woooooo.
kalamata olives, over spinach, with red onion, and pepperoncinis,
plus,
that loosely accurate tofeta, steamed,
and drizzled up with a bit more marinade, piled up and pressed down
for a damned good mixed-pickle semi-ferment explosion,
straight from the bounty huntin' buns of slave one.
freaks and greeks, guys, that's what was up.
word.
next in line?
a new hope for my mouth:

TUSKEN TUSCAN SAND(people)WICH!!!
almond-ramps-parsley-garlic pesto, nootch-blasted and extra-olive-oily,
smeared heavy on the bottom of the bun,
followed by a thick slab of gigantic vine-ripened tomato,
a steam-activated and seasoned, oil-seared square of tempeh,
with a slice of daiya provolone melted on top, with caramelized onions,
and even MORE of that pesto!
italiano explosivo experte.
oof.
two big action burlies in our bellyholes got the carbonite coma settin' in-
so how could we possibly still have a whole 'nother 'nother other one to do?
well,
that's easy-
because too much is the right amount.
obvi.
and that's how we do it;
we closed out the series with a sith mauled savage, impressed.
(subtle pun reference for my all nerds out there)

QUI-GON GINGER-CARROT SEITAN!!!
boom.
carrots and ginger and sesame oil and rice wine vinegar and garlic and soy sauce,
tossed together and pureed into a pulp-
then, left to stew in it's own juices all day.
sometimes, to make a dressing, you add water and blend it up-
but we're brutish, over here in the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress,
so we kept it chawnky, and let the true flavor do all the hard work.
we put the sauce down first,
then cukes, and pea tendrils.
so crawnchy.
then a cut-out circle of seitan, fried in superhot sesame oil,
and covered in MORE orange excellence,
with shredded snow peas on top too.
neighbors,
that's the FIRE from the far far away and long time ago jauns.
real talk.
we crushed the dinner scene,
we dominated the drizzly day,
and we phantom menaced the night, as well.
you can't beat a low-key high-intensity celebration.
that's kind of our style.
-
also,
i made all those buns. yup.
slow proofed with new yeast, overdosed on agave and flaxmeal,
fired up and hand-formed to size by eye,
and by the template all these 'guinis followed.
i've got a system for executing the new hottness.
it works when you do it right,
and it filled my body up all the way to the outer rim.
no jokes.
i crushed the crap outta myself in under twelve parsecs.
recognize.
***********
also,
after breakfast,
i might've munched up a little elevensies.
uh-huh.
in more ways than one.
yeah!
a little supplemental secret 'guini goodness,
to refuel a bit after all the sauce-blending i'd been busy with.
check it:

the one good part about ampy-d always comparatively sleeping in?
her first is my second breakfast.
wooooo.
double brekkie, with avocado, and sprouts and tomatoes,
and weirdie baconical circles.
yum.
those multigrain muffz, straight out of vermont's version of england are great.
that's no joke.
-
i LOVE eating sandwiches.
my hands have teeth, and my teeth have claws, and all of that is a metaphor for being
a F*ing diabolical deviant devourer of delights.
this morning was no exception.
check it:

twin homestyle bunzzzz.
garlic hummus, dry-fried tofu squares,
tomato, sprouts, and shredded carrots.
simple, delicious, awesome, filling, fulfilling, and fresh.
could i be more all about this sandwich week life?
naw.
i'm maxxxed out on magic, and running fast and hard on overdrive.
that's the truth.
*
huh?
what about tonight?
what ABOUT tonight?
oh.
yeah, kid,
i KNOW.
you think cinco de mayo is about to run up on your man all surprisey-like?
no way.
i'm reppin' daddy's house, el casa de papa, all day long.
and while i'm positive the battle of puebla
is only a footnote everywhere in all of old mexico outside of puebla ,
and up here in the norte,
it's just a college-age turdpile orgy of 'ronas and 'ritas,
i'm still all about that daddy's house of hottness jauns,
and there will be mexico in my mouth this evening.
believe it.
it's all really happening,
and i, for one, couldn't be more pleased;
never quiet, never soft.....

STAR WARS DAY!!!

neighbors,
i like star wars.
a lot.
now,
before we have to get into some fan-vs-fan opinion-based speculative trivia sh!t,
let me also say i'm not as insane about it as i used to be-
*gasp*
yeah.
in some ways responsible adulthood;
sandwiches and pizza;
the crush of grown-man business;
and the very busy big action and bodily brutality of my really real life
have turned down the volume a bit on science fictional universes....
just a little bit,
take it easy,
i haven't forgotten how expert it still is.
in fact,
i guess you could say the force awakened in me today.
oh, c'mon.
today is the day.
may the fourth be with you,
because it's ST^R W^RS D^Y!!
the thing is,
it's also sandwich week,
and that means there's a perfect convergence of excellence occuring as i type,
a midichlorian masterpiece of balanced light and dark sides, here and now.
duders,
i get busy up in here, and that's no joke.
check the grand-moff-type teleport....ummmm.
forget the teleport,
let's make the jump to hyperspace:

do or do not, my dudes, there IS no try-
and i doo-doo that scruffy-lookin' wookie-cookie bantha-baking wizardry.
mmmhmmm.
i really do.
all day,
i'll be having bad feelings about this, or that,
and discovering amazing smells,
and really stepping in the batnha poodoo.
that's what it's all about,
and by tonight?
we'll have a whole new trilogy to tune to with our tastebuds.
you WILL be excited.
what?
what are you?
a toydarian?
mind tricks don't work on you?
ok,
well, then, how about flavors? those do anything for you?
i hope so.
because only a sith wouldn't be psyched for a whole day of this.
what do we have for cookies?
oh,
y'know,
no biggie,
just four kinds of hottness of the first order.
check it:

gluten-free coconut and white rice flour wampas,
with chocolate chip eyes, flaked coconut sprankles for fur,
and cocoa horns and teeth.
that's that new hoth-ness, for sure.
oh, c'mon-
in between the front and back, there's whipped coconut creamy filling,
because all those treats are sandwich cookies.
you know they HAD to be.
rules is rules, kids.
always.
next up:

jedi crawnchers!
chocolate sugar snaps, with that whoopie pie creme in the middle,
a gentle blend of chocolate and cream chee' and sugar and crisp edged excellence,
with that knights of the force flair kapowdered  across the top of each,
in light and dark styles.
expert!
oh MAN!
the dark side dark-chocolate-filled fresh-to-death stars, tho:

you had better believe they're full operational,
and the laser-lens focusers are cut out cookies,
dropped in place post powdering, for maximum planet-destroying dopeness,
and last but not least,
a little light and lively butter cookie bounty huntin',
with citrus everywhere:

mandalorian mandarin orange buttercrisps!!!!
there's zest and juice and extract all over 'em,
and they're of no use to dead, kids.
shove one right up your pit of carkoon!
boba fett may not have done a single actual cool thing in the movies,
but these cookies might just mitigate a bit of that unmodified clone angst.
*
i made each one up, guys.
i did.
sorry.
no recipes were necessary. i just used the force.
i an tell you there's more than half a stick of butteish in each,
and about cup of sugar and two cups of flour, per batch, too.
other than that,
it was mostly mixing and mashing, tinting and tainting,m
rolling and cutting,
and stenciling,
...which involved much more cutting, and way less fun,
until the finished products became clear.
i could sense some serious hottness,
and i knew that before breakfast,
i'd be throwing at least one emperors down some weird tube
into the center of a spacestation with enough power to vaporize him into electricity.
yikes.
oh, and i used a whole jar-jar of applesauce, i can tell you that.
whaaaaaaat?
hahahahaha.
meesa likey dey, duders.
awwwwwwww.
*
i'm double celebrating,
and i'm grateful for the time i have been given to do so.
i've got crabtreepio, and my padawan ampakin d-walker,
and we're going to spray fingertipfuls of force lightning all around this whole place,
and destroy a super-stardestroyer
like a group of superstar rogue squadron nailed-to-the-X-wing pilots,
straight out from the clouds of bespin to the forest moon of the woodsly goodness.
yeah.
today is the day,
and if you're not an A*-hole,
you're probably celebrating, too;
never quiet, never soft.....

bumbaclots!

jamaican jerk seasoning is expert.
that's no joke,
and when you make it at home, from each essential element,
you can tweak it to make it freak-a-leak,
and spice it up like a rub-a-dub, too.
mmmmm.
i doo-doo that jerky boy jauns.
so,
sandwich week is in full swing,
and the while the day is escaping through a sieve of time and space,
last night was a full-blown island extravaganza.
that's for serious.
check the i-and-i-most-high-type teleport:

BOOMFIRE!!!
shotta gwan BO BO buck dem BOIZ.
hahahaha.
red lentil coconut seitan patties?
yeah.
shredded coconut, an coconut flour, instead of tapioca and garbanzo bits,
plus the usual broth boiled red lentil onion and garlic mash,
mixed, molded, and simmered in diluted coconut milk until they swole on up,
and had the firm fresh texture to match their full-bodied flavor.
damn.
rubbin' those with my custom jerk dust,
and fryin' 'em up in coconut oil really made the night a guaranteed success,
before we added in anything else.
word up.
fried plantain strips over shredded watercress was a good call,
but that overnight-soaked mango chutney,
last minute activated with a hot white wine vinegar and turmeric bath ?
that was a great idea.
jalapeno, red onion, lime zest, lime juice, fresh grated ginger
by the righteous rhizome's worth of tuberosity-
cilantro, and garlic, and crushed red pepper completed the look,
and it's some serious fruity new hottness for this woodsly goodspot.
i mean it.
vegan sour cream, with lots of lime zest, and minced jalapeno,
spread on a dry-one-side-toasted multigrain soft ciabatta rectangle
really tied the whole thing together in a neat little package.
heat, heartiness, fruitiness, zip, vim, and pep, in every single bite.
that's the way to doo-doo the freakiest sh!t.
too much is the right amount, neighbors.
that's why we fried up MORE plantains,
and scoopled MORE mango chutney, for sure.
however,
the faintly apple-ish red crawnchy salad on the side is what stole the show.
jicama, parsley, cilantro, radicchio, red onion, and lime on lime on lime,
marinated all night, and all day,
and really full of all the newest hottness available to a cold order of crispiness.
we had the whole wu-TANG's worth of chambers keeping it molto real in every way!
***********
guys,
sandwiches are just about the best way to get the most stuff stacked
and attacked by a big fat mouthful of sharp teeth.
we're 'bout that 'round here.
in fact,
we're so about it,
we start every morning with a little MORE of it.
teleport:

using up the bread from the day before is smart, and efficient,
and an excellent way to tie one day right into the next
with some familiar tastes butted up against some of that new-new.
vegan weirdie sausages, heirloom tomatoes, pea shoots, and pickled onions?
yum.
there was a little baby bit of  a rush, though.
yeah.
i got a late start today;
or i had a verrrry early morning that pushed back my breakfast, at least.
due to cookie baking star wars womp-rat blasting with my kapowdered sugar an' that,
so my morning started out without food, and the fury of a fuegoless a.m.
put the priority on speedy ingredient delivery to my face.
it was good, no doubt,
but compared to the cookie world i was inhabiting for hours beforehand,
it paled just a bit by comparison....
*
today is the day, however,
and although the weather is a real pile of unpleasant poop,
i'm not gonna let it blow up MY alderaan.
ST^R W^RS D^Y is happening, right now,
and if you know, you know-
and if you don't?
well,
i'll expect to see you with a restraining bolt,
stored away in the back of a jawa sandcrawler soon enough;
never quiet, never soft.....

barbie Q.

neighbors,
it's not just that i love food,
and eating food,
and making food.
the finished product is great,
and the process is meditational in it's own way,
and inspirational in may other ways,
the creativity involved is nice, of course,
because exercising my brainwaves
on something solely the province of my own preferences,
(rather than the F*ing team effort of tattooing) is also very cool.
there's so many parts of the food times that i'm into.....
the thing of it is,
what i really want,
whenever it's going down,
is to stuff my whole face full of all of it.
like stacking dominoes, duders.
tons of work for a few minutes of beautiful demolition.
that's my jam.
i mean,
i love eating too much, too much.
ha.
that's what's up.
the fancy-pantsy party parts,
the involved and intense participation,
the combination of ingredients......
all that is great or whatever,
just as long as there is a LOT of it..
yes.
too much is the right amount,
and last night,
for sandwich week,
we had a mountain of new hottness to pig out on exxxtra hard.
check the piled-on-type teleport:

WOOOOOO!!!!
i got a new plate especially for the occasion.
that's how excited i was about making some new expert sandwich magic.
homemade seitan ripped into strips, with thinly sliced onion,
seared in olive oil and butterish until browned a whole bunch,
and then basted into the bru-tard-o-sphere with some crucial barbecue sauce.
oh, yes, kids-
we doo-doo that crucial bbq sh!t around here.
what's in the sauce?
everything!
yellow onion and crushed garlic and jalapeno, to start,
and when that got golden, i added molasses, and GPOP, and cayenne,
and cider vinegar, a cup of crushed tomatoes,
dry mustard powder, whole mustard, horseradish mustard, a spritz of thyme,
liquid smoke, soy sauce, and an unholy dash blast onslaught of smoked paprika.
check it out:

oh, yeah,
AND three giant cloves of thick sliced garlic.
mmmhmmmm.
the semi-soaked marinated bbq garlic chunks made the entire sauce go straightaway
up and out into the uncharted realms of deliciousness.
that's a true story.
so,
the sauce was prepared before work,
which let the flavors marry up.
that big marriage took the seitan straight to eleven,
but the rest of that sandwich was already there.
pickles, housemade pickled red onions, and a big ol' handful of crawnchy slaw.
yup.
red cabbage, carrot, savoy cabbage, cilantro, scallions, and vegenaise.
too good.
finished with brined mustard seeds,
on a buttered garlic-laced and roasted-chunk-infused loaf of bread......
extra slaw on the side?
you betcha.
and waffler fries, too,
with kaboomfire superfuego custom-blended smoked sriracha ketchup.
(heavy heavy on the 'racha, for the ultimate in punishing potato munching)
yikes.
*
i gets it IN over here.
the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress' preparation mise en place and marinade jauns
are all over-the-top electrified these days.
when dinner and dishes are done,
i get busy getting busy with the next night's big jamie-jam.
there's two kinds of treats stewing in the fridge,
and there's already pots on the stove, keeping the train rolling along,
full steam, full boil, full frontal fatbelly ferocious, all day every day,
always, all the time, nonstop until the thing is DONE.
mmmmmmmm.
tonight is the night, just like every night,
but right now?
today is the day, my friends.
breakfast is served,
and you can bet your bottom b!tch's bottom dollar that it's a sandwich (or two)
check the teleport:

that's IT!
tofu, baconish strips, sprouts, cilantro, scallions, vegenaise, and sriracha,
all on toasted and buttered english-style muffs.
c'mon.
i'm feelin' spicy these days.
in fact,
i think the tradition will continue into the evening.
time will tell.
in the meantime,
i've got tattz on tattz to terrorize,
and that'll have to keep happening to finance the funds-depleting fun of
these different daily doses of symphonic flavor, in virtuoso solos, by section,
night after night after night.
word.
i'm pretty excited, kids.
sandwich week is one of my favorites-
and keeping it lit the F* up over here by this stove is what i'm all about;
never quiet, never soft.....

primero.

friends,
sandwich week.
day one.
the start is always mildly intimidating,
just a little tiny bit.
it's got to be good, or else-
jumping right into sandwich week.
with some b!tchbaggery can break an eight day stretch as it begins,
straight out of the gates.
and from the first night,
the whole thing could potentially eat a hot plate of sh!t salad.
i'm serious.
i mean,
c'mon,
we all already know it's not gonna ever premier with weak-A* white bread,
salty prepackaged phony pigpart cold cuts,
busted mustard,
and square american cheese as the debut of infinite lameness,
but still.....
it mustn't be anything less than wholly expert,
with the righteous light and heat and thunder
of a hundred juggernauts rolling towards ancient ziggurats,
ready to raze and riot amongst the exultant resultant rubble.
damn.
and on a bun, no less,
which is it's own kind of  pressure
that's no joke.
i NEED the big action to be big, and activated;
and the display to be delightful, and the flavors to be complex,
and different from before,
and all of that takes thought, and forethought, and vision and foresight,
and that's not something that just spontaneously leaps into pure being,
at least not just simply because i will it to.
yeah.
i'm not a sandwich GOD.
jeez,
what sort of self-styled self-aggrandized narcissistic
sense of self-importance do you really think i have over here?!
....i'm much more like a sandwich emperor,
with the potential for deification pending;
determined by the fruitfulness of this week.
that's what i'm sayin', neighbors-
the jump CAN'T be diaperbabyish,
and if we're gonna tread familiar ground, there has to be some new hottness
thrown into the mix, because a previous level eleven sandwich can't be again.
huh?
last week's eleven is only this week's nine-
rules is rules, guys.
so,
i made a bangin' banh mi last night.
and i made that blazin' asian mama F*ing work.
check the autobahn-type teleport:

the elite KABOOOOOOMFIRE was on the premises!
i had some good fortune-
-due to rabbit rabbit-ing, you can be certain-
i found the softer baguette, with the fluffy interior,
and i scoopled it right up.
a bias cut, some butterish,  and a very hot pan completed the look,
and the foundation was ready for filling.
we got thinly sliced small cucumber on the bottom,
and grilled ramps!
yes.
those rare exxtra-white-people-style young wild leeks
are worth every bit of the fuss that folks make over them.
smoked pan-seared vegan roast, with molto paprika and GPOP added on,
because the pate layer in real jauns is gross as all hell,
but a roasty tier of terrific taste is NEVER a bad idea.
then there's those rectangles of  sweet 'n' sour spicy mae ploy
thai-type glazed tofu, too.
mmmmmm.
dry fried 'fu, flash-finished with soy, green chili sauce, rice wine, and mae ploy glaze,
for a balanced, and complicated spectrum of special flavors for your face.
...so good.
plus,
farty daikon and carrot pickle, double pressed,
after the rice wine brine and sugar phase,
to rid the room of some of that firmly funky stankonia.
wilty, but crawnchy, tangy, but sweet-
these 'guinis had the right stuff to start our semana de sucioso off with a bang.
ha.
fresh jalapeno slices, for that mystery fire, not in every bite;
unpredictably pleasant and powerful pauses for deep breathes and runny-nosed heat-
the kinds of things which make eating much more fun.
and sriracha/ramp veggie mayo spread on top,
y'know-
for the mandatory cilantro sprankles to stick to.
so,
i was stressed a bit at first,
but it ended on a high note, no question-
the good news is it went straight up to eleven.
...
i had to have those tomatoes on the side,
to cool off my mouth between big bites.
that's real.
and the brussels?
well,
i wanted to make sure the smoky sesame oil soy glaze wasn't a fluke the first time.
turns out,
it's a real thing, and it's real dope.
*
sandwich week is a good tool for refreshing one's skill
at killing it day after day in the kitchen with new hottness and fresh ingredients.
word.
today,
there will be MORE of all of it. because that is the way it works.
in fact,
i already began the day with a dose of that dope doo-doo:

BLSHT.
huh?
oh, c'mon-
Baconish, Lettuce, Sprouts, Hummus, and Tomato.
yup.
no wasted loaves over here, y'all.
the last third of that fancy french bread from last night
made itself useful this morning.
i'm about that life, and that's the way i'm gonna live until the day that i die.
rural, remote, really real Folk Life...
that's what i've got,
but,
i also have some super-sexxxy, fabulous wild-in-the-streets world cuisine,
and that's how i thrive away from the wider waking wonders
of the developed and populated bigger picture;
never quiet, never soft.....

WOOOOOOO!!!

so,
it's the first,
and that means a rabbit rabbit treat-
always,
because rules is rules.
but,
it's also sandwich week,
and that means it's gotta be a sandwich treat.
why?
for the exact same reason;
yeah.
rules is rules-
is that going to be a problem?
not for me, and not today-
WOOOOOOOOOOOO.
you'd better believe it,
it's right now that we're bakin' up some new hottness,
and putting it on both sides of some filling, too.
that's how sandwiched work,
and right now, the baked greats we've got going on are fantastic.
yeah.
we're making whoopie..........pies.
check the mayday-type-sandwich-week-startup-style teleport:

...bam.
decadent chocolate, made lighter, and tighter,
by the new egg replacement blend i've been working on.
hot water, and ground flax, and chia seeds,
soaked all in one small dippin' bowl for a few minutes.
it works the best of all the many many things i've tried,
for when what i need is binding that has albumental albumenesque traits.
for real.
-
i dripped a little pinky pink in the ludicrously luscious filling.
y'know,
just to  hotten it up a smidge on the pretty side of things.
half a tub of creamchee',
a stick of butterish,
3 cups of kapowdered sugar,
vanilla, and a few tablespoons of soy yogurt,
whipped into a frenzy,
and rolled in some kyooooot sprankles.
-
neighbors,
i have got it going ON right now-
the thing is, i've also got a bunch exxxtra.
too much is the right amount, after all.
i guess i'll just have to save it for another 'nother time.

(which i believe will be so much sooner than later, 

it won't have had a chance to change much at all)

...

chocolate cake, in pie format, is dope.

whoopie pies are molto dope.

cocoa powder is so strong, and being vegan right in the middle of all of 

it is kind of the best part.

i think i'm underselling it.

allow me to reiterate:

vegan whoopies, guys!!!

i mean, 

they're SO good.

i kind of can't stop eating them.

*

did i wake up and pickle some daikon and carrot?

yes, i most certainly did.

what about marinating some super firm drained and pressed tinily cubed tofu 

in white wine vinegar, lemon juice, salt, and oregano?

well,

it does need a few days to really activate, 

so i got it ready well in advance of the plans i've made for it.

i've got stacks of sauces marrying their flavors;

i've got both my veggie crispers packed to the top; 

the bread box overflowing down onto the counter in both directions;

and some pretty strong smells permeating the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.

i sort of wish sandwich week was a more widespread thing,

but having a whole holiday that's all mine is pretty good too.

i'm thankful for and mindful of the time and energy, 

the cooperation and the companionship,

the spirit and memory,

the gratitude and generosity,

that make little things like a week of focus and enjoyment possible.

it's all a lot to take in, even for something that seems so simple on the surface.

i'm very lucky, to say the least;

never quiet, never soft.....

RABBIT!rabbit!!!

MAYDAY, MAY DAY, MAYDAY!!!
this is it, kids.
the first of the month,
and it's also a day for dancing around a stick or something,
and also also it's a distress call to all of y'all,
so that you know there's a mutha-F*ing emergency happening
right this very minute,
in real time three hundred and sixty degree high definition surround sound
stereophonic full effect.
that's right!
today is the day,
and it's got to be one hell of a good one.
first things first, on the first,
i spoke the spell that seals the deals and cultivates the fortuitous coincidences
that conduct echoing infinite electric expertism,
live and direct through the soil and the sky,
with the circuit closed by my soles, soul, and palms....
yup.
the magic words, neighbors,
straight off of my pursed and percussive pout,
and out loud, proud, and uncowed into the universe
for maxxximum may daily dopeness:
rabbit! rabbit!
yeah, i said it.
rules is rules.
i don't play around on may day, but i DO burn things.
it's s'posed to rain later, so that'll be somethin' to enjoy,
with a pipe and a slicker and a stinkyheaded bull terrier,
we'll blast up a big batch of beltaine burliness,
but only after we do what we're meant to do.
what?
you know.
yep.
THAT'S really why today is the day, duders.
it's the first, and it's sunday,
and in conjunction with beltainted love,
and social anarchist red and black workers' rights sh!t,
and the pole with the streamers,
and the magic flippin' words,
there's something else that's supremely expert
that happens to happen when the calendar flips it's sh!t,
and day one is on the topmost left corner of the page.
word up.
it's SANDWICH WEEK!
and that's some other other big biz altogether.
so what do we do about it,
fresh off the hop, straight from the jump, and top of the list?
that's gotta be munching up on a TCBLT.
check the teleport:

Tofu, Carrot, Baconish, Lettuces, and Tomato,
you got it.
on a multiseed fancy bagel, buttered and toasted on the stove,
fattened up with vegenaise,
and really just a damn great way to kick off the whole fiesta.
fresh to death,
louder than a perfect ten,
harder than naughty dog's head.
yup.
it's all really happening,
and that's the whole point.
i said the things you say,
and i'm doing what needs to be done-
active participation, intention, attention, invention, and a decent dose of convection
have got me one hundred percent ready and willing to bring the most furious,
ferocious, raging stormswept savage shark gluttony to the table.
eight days a week, like it's a whole other full-time job.
today is the day.
the first one of a series,
tonight is the night,
the premier, the debut, the season opener,
and i'll be honest,
i've been waiting five months for this,
and i'll have to wait seven more before the next one.
that's just the thing of it, neighbors-
it's not a guarantee,
and it's not for the weak-sauce of spectators.
if you aren't involved, you're not invited.
......so get involved, man.
may day, all day,
the world is unfolding as the bread is encircling;
never quiet, never soft.....