for the birds.

ugh.
neighbors,
every once in a while,
i get ahead of myself,
or i get too full of myself,
or maybe the secret universal plans have a typo-
y'know?
like,
the day slips away,
the accomplishments are few if any,
and even the things i've got relative proficiency in take a hot sh!t.
as in- yesterday.
ew.
i started the day off with brownie squares,
figuring i had an easy win with a tried and true recipe.
boy oh boy was i wrong.
duders,
i made some of the suckiest suckbombs that ever sucked,
and they somehow kept getting worse.
that's no joke.
the crawnchy outsides became bricks of ironclad, impenetrable crap,
and the insides were denser than the woodboogery necktards that
i deal with at the tattbomb studio.
do you understand what i'm sayin'?
i F*ed up.
and that is not a good beginning to any day,
let alone my only day off.
gross.
anyway,
check the missteps-and-slip-ups-type teleport:

awwwwwwww, MAN.
these doo-doo blocks are all-the-way-'sgusting.
all my attempts at repairwork only worsened a preexisting condition,
which is to say, they aren't very good.
at all.
what the heck happened?
i'm pretty sure it was the ganache what undermined my freeform concocting.
mmmhmmm.
ganache is basically soft chocolate chip material,
and when it lives inside of a brownie, IN the batter,
it only stays as soft as the temperature stays high.
....really.
so it crisped up on the edges,
and it stiffened up in the middle,
and it basically made the cake in them taste amazing,
if you could only somehow crack into one without cracking your teeth first.
laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame.
it only got worse from there.....
for instance, that beige, blarpity caramel filling?
yeah-
that's that melty, formless, house-of-wax-in-the-summertime-lookin' sh!t.
the best and worst part of it?
it just tasted like frosting.
boooooooooo.
it's brown enough to fool your eyes,
and there's definitely homemade caramel sauce IN it;
but buttery sugar mixed with buttery sugar doesn't do much to deliver a better flavor,
the pow-powdered sweetness was overpow-powering to the cooked bits,
and together, the warm and the cool sure as sh!t didn't do one damned thing
about improving the consistency.
hmmmmmmm?
oh, it's okay.
i mean,
everybody effs up once in a while, i suppose.
except,
i'm still salty about that poop-brown glass-like caramel icing on top.
hard styles plagued this project from the jump off.
that s'posed-to-be sticky jaunswas harder than diamonds,
heavier than lead,
and wholly unrewarding.
one bad morning's worth of failure can undermine a week's worth of success.
believe it.
but,
i didn't let myself get too bummed out.
after all,
whatever else i make is gonna seem even MORE expert after this debacle.
where are they now?
i sailed 'em across the muddy, semi-melted swampy snowmush surrounding
the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress, so the crows can have a go at 'em.
they're always down to chow on some filthy business,
and i figure it can't hurt to have a murder of those muthas
hovering around the grounds of my haunted castle.
right?
right!
so, i'm turning my mistakes into birdfood,
and i'm letting myself learn a lesson or two from this failure.
no ganache in stuff,
and no more caramel frosting.
got it?
good.
it's ALL really happening.
that's the whole point.
true stories, told truly, even when they don't have happy endings;
never quiet, never soft.....