yeah, that's right, cake.
all that caked-up cakey cakiness,
and some frosting,
and maybe a knife, too, i s'pose,
so you've got yourself a slice of awesome wedged-out and waiting
for your chompers to tear into it, and munch it up just a little bit.
mmmmmmmmm.
F*ing cake.
it's pretty expert, if you like things like that.
y'know?
yes, you do know,
and i'm glad you're here with me right now,
so we can talk about what happens when you curdle-up and buttermilk
(as a verb) some almond milk with apple cider vinegar and lemon juice.
huh?
oh, for sure,
it sounds pretty 'sgusting, but it makes the batter better,
and not bitter, and not vinegary, just lighter and softer an smoother all at once.
cake, y'all.
i'm on it.
and i'm trying out new variants just for fun.
mmhmm.
i'm on some experimental additive jauns over here in the kitchen laboratory
of my Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
that's real.
creamchee' and vegan sour cream in place of eggs?
heck yes.
those white delights add all sorts of soft texture,
and they've got that acid activation that whips in so much fluffffffffff...
if i learned anything from my pancake times in the mornings,
it's that sour makes for sweet treats when you doo-doo that freaky sh!t the right way.
tell you what,
check the ring-of-doom-type teleport:
word.
vanilla cake, with almond flour in it, and all that other other stuff, too.
it's seriously got the texture of a pound cake's ghost.
i mean it.
it's heavy, but it isn't that kind of heavy.
annnnyway,
there's dark chocolate almond ganache drizzled in stripey spokes across the top,
and plastered around the outer rim, like a belt of bangin' betterment.
i'm just sayin',
it holds in all the moist, and it adds on all the flavor.
of course, that's not enough, though, is it?
c'mon.
what are you?
an A*-hole?
obviously, there needs to be MORE.
too much is the right amount,
and that means we're fancy-pantsing the rest of it with two kinds of frosting.
wait....
ganache and frosting?
yup.
why would i do just one, when both is clearly better?
right?
that's what's up.
vanilla full-fat betterthanevercreme frosting gets extra butterish and a splat of creamchee'
and then gets the long-stroke whipping of a lifetime laid down,
until the sugary peaks are perkier than seems possible.
that's the big-ticket hottness, for serious.
but,
with cocoa and almond essence added in?
yeah.
it goes to eleven.
hard.
how would i know?
teleport:
kaBOOM!
so we've got dark chocolate strips and stripes,
as well as a girdle of gigantic flavor wrapped around the perimeter,
and then we're totally indulging in color-switch flavor-flipped two-tone frosting,
in alternating patterns and colors, ringing around the ring of round cakey goodness.
THAT'S the big action,
and that's the way it has to be.
one thing about ring cakes, though-
they take a while to bake.
maybe that's all that vegan wetness sloshing around,
maybe it's the deep-dish center resisting all that ovenly warmth,
maybe it's just that good things take time.....
i dunno why, exactly, but i know it took all the time it needed,
and paid off a fat jackpot of baked greatness in the final lap.
*
i'm a fancy decorator, sort of.
i'm a professional appreciator, always.
i'm even kind of a hard-hearted hater when it comes to right action,
active participation, worthy warrior spirit, and weak-sauce weasels
furtively and filthily sneaking around the honorable course of action.
is that weird?
i hope not.
do you understand what i even mean?
no?
ok, let me explain-
fighting fire with fire makes sense if you're controlling a burn path,
but fighting sh!t with sh!t is just plain gross.
just be dope, or F* right off is the cardinal rule, kids.
and any and all ploying, plying, cloying crap can't be tolerated.
that's not worthy, that's lazy.
y'know how you get better?
you work harder and do more, and then try even harder,
and endure through all the doo-do butter.
more importantly, you don't cheat to win.
i am not above feeling the frustrations of facing unfairness,
but,
and this is the thing of it, when the dust settles and the smoke clears-
at work, at play, in love, and at war,
rules is rules-
stay ugly and stay dope-
the truth is always ugly, and being true is always dope-
that's the way it is,
and if you can't be a part and party to participation in that particular activation?
you've just gotta F* right off.
principles aren't negotiable,
otherwise, they'd just be called guidelines.
it can be cake-baking or working or friendship or romance,
plan your work, and work your plan.
it's the hardest style, and it counts the most.
there are an endless number of reasons to cut corners and shyst-out
on the full-blown big action. but none of them will ever excuse it.
black and white, objective, definite, and absolute.
just be dope, or F* right off.
ask yourself what you're all about.
then ask yourself what side of the line it falls on.
if it isn't dope?
get back on track,
or get the F* outta here;
never quiet, never soft.....
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