mexican monday.

mexican monday is a great way to determine
who is really serious about their sandwiches,
and who is a frontin'-A* weak waterbaby talkin' noise
instead of makin' moves when it matters.
me?
i'm mashing up pink beans, and sauteed garlic,
three kinds of peppers, one sweet, two hot,
and red onions......
then i'm mixing in chickpea flour, and flax seeds, black pepper,
roasted cumin, oregano, dried ground chipotle pepper powder,
a little splashy-splash of chipotle hot sauce,
cayenne, smoked applewood salt, olive oil,
g.p.o.p., nootch, cilantro, and scallions.
it all goes down together in one bowl.
huh?
why?
because that's the way to make nachoooooooooo libre bean cakes.
mmmhmmm.
for realsies.
also,
i squished up some super-elite officially expert guacamole-
and at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress, it doesn't cost extra.
word up.
i'm not a shystie sh!tbird, after all,
i'm a lightning-striking viking full of gratitude and generosity,
and i'm channeling the eagles' eggs nutrients when i'm cookin', kids.
kaboom.
anyway,
there's plenty more to talk about,
but first,
you silly little salad-snugglers should probably check the teleport:

all i can say, neighbors?
i hate every orphan in the whole world,
and i only believe in science....
anybody?
c'mon.
yeah.
so,
sweet cornbread, revived to a soft squish in the oven, and a healthy smear of that
chunky limey luscous gauc' on the bottom.
a pair of those pan-seared pink bean bombs on top of that,
and that's when we really get things poppin' up in here.
mmmhmmm.
vegan queso sauce?
i doo-doo that thickened nootchy smooch of yellow hottness.
no, really, i do.
and deeply-fried-up corn-breaded tomatillos?
c'mon, now, you secret tunnelers!!!
that's fresh.
a splash of salsa,
a few pickled jalapenos,
a dash of raw red onion,
and a sprig of cilantro?
sandwich week is the best,
and i think i'm getting to know what's up
when it comes time to get fresh with it, guys.
like,
when it's time to rock a funky joint?
i think i might be on point.
and then,
when it's time to rock a funky jam?
si, es verdad, soy el hombre.
but that isn't enough, is it?
(it never is)
so i've got us some sides of salsa and guac' with chips,
and refried black beans with black olives, too?
yuuuuuup.
i'm kind of all about big dinners, duders.
i mean,
i can't say it too often, can i?
nope.
you know what's up-
too much is the right amount.
that's all anyone can ever do.
more, and more, and MORE.
***********
remoulade.
mmhmm.
a little bit of dill, a lot of vegenaise, whole grain mustard,
horseradish, garlic and garlic and garlic,
and maybe even a little smoked paprika.
y'know, a remoulade.
yum.
it's a very necessary component for this evenings happenings.
yeah, very necessary.
but,
before i get to whisking all those ingredients into a spreadable sauce
of unsurpassed flavor, texture, color, and aroma?
i gotta get my breakfast on.
duh.
to that end,
i've got myself some buttered-on-one-side english toasting bread,
and some black pepper tofu,
and after that,
you've just gotta check the teleport:

crawnchy.
so crawnchy.
like, sorry about the roof of your mouth.
that's crawnchy.
breakfast is important.
that's why i put that chee' sauce to it,
and a bunch of baconesques,
and a slap of salsa, salad greens and cucumber stackers!!
i love sandwiches, b!tches.
truth.
*
i don't know if you know how intense my love of food is.
i mean,
when you're a vegan,
you're already kind of an A*-hole by default.
and if you're a vegan who thinks that's what makes you NOT an A*-hole?
holy sh!t,
you're probably the BIGGEST A*-hole.
ew.
the thing of it is,
i know i've set my challenge level higher than a cold-cuttin' omnivore.
so,
i've gotta get fancier and more expert,
without all the stinky cheeses,
or the three hundred kinds of sliced dead bits from a beefy bovine,
or any of that other other fleshy decaying doo-doo butter.
i don't wanna be a premade pee-pee-pistachio of pouty pastrami pants,
i wanna be a decadent dose of defiant dopeness,
doing what i do without death to defenseless dumb herds of gross animals.
yeah.
that's real.
also,
i don't wanna get paid to lose, dudes...
i wanna WIN.
and that's what i'm dyin' tryin' to do.
this is the way of the woodsly goodfellow,
and right now,
that's the best i've got for you;
never quiet, never soft.....