the constable.

duders,
i took yesterday OFF from work.
yep.
i did.
i figure, after my connecticut round trip whirlwind earlier in the week,
i could use an actual break.
but, of course, that's not actually a thing.
y'all may not remember, but i do so enjoy a harder style than most folks do.
so i chose the wrench,
and made a decision that'll certainly serve to complicate the next ten to fifteen years.
word up.
i also spent almost eight hours in the car,
most of that in a hazy mist of limited-visibility,
headed northeast with my favorite ride-or-die copilot,
over to bangor, maine, for a rendezvous with a lovely veterinarian,
her husband, and her ma, all from even farther away.
yup.
hailing from the tougher climes of the limits of new england,
at the borderlands of caribou, they traveled an equal but opposite amount,
so we could transact on some big big bigger big action,
for the smallest of small victories.
damn.
that's a tall order for an early morning.
and what's more,
i was so excited, i couldn't sleep a wink the night before.
nope.
not even one wink.
not too surprisingly,
i got even fewer winks last night.
but,
that definitely was not because of excitement.
not at all.
i was way busy walking around in the moonlit forest litter of leaves and grass,
waiting for a hot soft poop to squeeze out.
that's not exciting to me, at any rate.
what?
what what?
neighbors,
i did the thing i said i would.
i bought myself a friend.
don't judge, at least i didn't regift my gestures of goodwill.
you don't know me.
but that's not the point.
nuh-huh.
the point, the whole point, the thing that is really happening right now is that
the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress has found it's official mascot of really realness,
superturbo-dope jauns, rockin' jams,
and loud fresh hard new hottness for your face.
...for real.
so,
with an abundance of adjectives,
may i proudly present to all y'all-
the berserker battle-beast barbarian bull terrier
warden of woodsly goodness,
the constable of calamity (and also cuteness),
the little potato of face-biting flavor and gentle understated ferocity:
CRABTREE!

wooooooooooooooooord.
i mean,
c'mon.
if you can't hang out with that face,
you're deficient of character and lacking in overall human quality.
no joke.
so,
crabby and ampy and i spent all day together,
bouncing from bangor to portland to the woodsly goodness,
picking up treats, getting him some tags and a new collar,
and basking in the adulation of an adoring dog-loving public.
haha.
but,
on the ones,
just LOOK at him:

kyooooooooooooooot.
hmmm?
i'm allowed to be excited for a minute.
also,
if you aren't the kind of person who wants to smoosh your face into a puppy's skull,
and yell into his brain out of sheer happiness?
good for you.
as it turns out, i AM that kind of person though;
......and i regret nothing.
his left ear gives no sh!ts, and stays down for now, but not forever,
but,
his butthole doo-doo-butterbombs some freaky sh!t, and at velocity to boot.
i think too many treats may have tripped the jettison button in his bellyhole?
whatever, man.
he's alright in my book.
also,
one more,
because too much is the right amount:

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
white carrying red-smut,
that's his color.
you like that dent on his side noseface?
he got bit in the face a week ago by a bigger bully,
who didn't appreciate his personal brand of intense inter-overreaction.
i think that's confirmation that i have definitely found the right one, y'feel me?
also,
that F*ing eye patch is expert.
the opposite ear, with red stripe radness is too.
is he smart?
probably not.
is he dope?
certainly.
will he stay ugly?
only for those who don't know what's good.
training my terrier begins in just a moment,
and being frustrated with stubborn, hard-headed, weird-eyed jerks continues thereafter.
at least i have experience in that department in quantity, and in person;
and in word, and deed;
indeed;
never quiet, never soft.....