HALLOWE'EN!!!!!

HAPPY HALLOWE'EN!!!
duders,
today is the day.
ghouls and goblins;
freaks and oddities;
spooks and ghosts;
monsters and witches and vampires and werewolves and mad mad mad scientists,
all of that,
all of the time, everywhere.
yeah!
it's hallowe'en ,
and that sh!t is the TRUTH.
there's plenty of candy for everybody,
and costumes for everybody who is NOT an A*-hole.
delights and frights,
scantily clad ladies freezing their faces off,
and dudes trying to look cool in pirate costumes
they bought during their jack sparrow phase.....
yikes.
plus,
sooooo many zombies.
BOOOOOOOO.
(no, that's not a ghost sound, it's a genuine heckle)
for the record?
.....um, yeah.
zombie costumes are nearly never ever ever the province of the privileged.
y'know why?
because you CAN dress up like a zombie, if you want to,
but,
i promise you this:
that's what poor people do.
hahahahaha,
you know what is absolutely indulgent and decadent and turbo dope, though?
treats.
obvi.
and site-specific holiday hottness is always what i want to have happening
all up in my haunted house of horrors...
mmmhmmmm.
today is the day,
and that calls for some new new from the future an' that.
check the hallowe'en-type teleport:

BOOMFIRE!!!!!
they're busting out of the frame because they're just too damned dope.>>>
chocolate fudge cupcakes so apft and moist and monstrously magical
that you'll scream out loud like a wailing banshee at the first bite.
yup.
that's a thing.
also,
the cake part is expert enough to stand alone,
but i can't go out like some punk trick, now can i?
no way, neighbors.
that's not the way to get invited to MY make-out parties.
ha.
but, there's MORE.
obviously.
inside each is a pastry creme filling with coconut and peanut butter,
like a soft vegan butterfingery chick-o-stick.
huh?
yes, you're right.
that IS expert.
then,
because too much is the right amount,
we've got green, orange, and black tinted coconut frosting,
steady maintaining some frankensteinian fresh-to-deathly hallows
in F*ing full frontal effect.
yeah, i said it.
there's swirls and blops and all of that, and it tastes like heaven,
even if it looks a little bit like hell.
word.
naturally,
i had to take it up another level,
so i activated 'em all with three kinds of holiday-appropriate situationally-accurate
sugar-candy sprankles.
wu-TANG, and hallowe'en candy,
and also these cups of cake are all for the children.
you know you like those bones, and spiders, and that.
me too.
yup.
i'm just sayin'-
i doo-doo that freaky tricker-treaty-style sh!t.
***********
today is the day,
and it's bound to be a big one.
i've got tatts to zap,
and crap to scoop,
and there's a crabby sharkbullet that needs walking too.
guys,
he wants to eat my costume, and that's sort of ruining it a little.
which of course makes me so proud.
no, really...
ruining is what me and my people DO.
he's already on board,
and that means he's really mine all mine all mine.
..nice.
i'll pop in my contacts at the last minute,
and if i can find some face paint, i'll prob'ly streak that stuff up on there also.
i LOVE hallowe'en,
and i'm all the way in the spirit of the thing,
even if there's nothing going on,
and nowhere else to go.
that's just it-
wherever i am,
it's full-blown loud, fresh, hard warrior poet time,
no foolin',
no tricks,
just treats;
never quiet, never soft.....