Wednesday, July 11


i'm just over here trying new things;
baking new cakes;
doing berfday-A* sh!t.
that's right.
i did a whole new thing,
for an old friend,
in a whole new way,
to celebrate a whole new dimension to our relationship.
yeah, i think y'DO know.
it's like this;
gluten-free baking is not exactly my field of expertise.
i use flour, bro.
it works every time.
it tastes great.
it does what i know it will, and it does what i want it to-
really, i've got an intuitive grasp of wheat and it's properties,
so i can navigate the ins, outs, ups, downs, and quirks of a regular-floury cake with ease.
the berfday girl can't (or won't) hang out with that,
and berfdays are for celebrating, and for cake, and that's no joke,
SO, i felt compelled to create a treat site-specifically and situationaly-appropriate
to the dietary needs of the celebrant and her self-diagnosed celiac attack.
never let 'em tell you i'm inconsiderate, kids.
it's not true.
so, i made up a recipe, and it only sort of worked,
and i'd love to tell you that i was an instant success,
but that'd be a lie, and truth-tellers don't eff with that noise, boys.
at one point, it did look good as F*, though.

C'MON, man.
that's pretty flippin' tiiiiiiight, right?
well don't be fooled. the little bastard broke into about a billion bits and pieces,
and looked like earthquake rubble by the time it was time to light the candles.
that was embarrassing.
no, for real. presenting a pile of crumbled-apart cake?
...not expert.
even if did taste amazing.
what'd i do wrong?
neighbors, i don't know.
i'll assume it was lack of binding agents?
i'll not bother you with the specifics of the recipe, since it didn't work out.
but, it was a vanilla bean and oatmeal/almond flour brown-sugar sexxx bomb,
and the flavor was there. heck, it was moist and rich and delicious and dope,
but, apparently, without the right connections, it's also a delicate little baby b!tch.
i even used tapioca, AND egg replacer, AND non-GMO organic cornstarch,
but, alas, it lacked xantham gum (although i totally do have it)
and maybe was a bit heavy on the butterish, which seemed to derail the whole thing.
well, yeah, it looked tasty as hell at first.
and that vegan creamchee' frosting wasn't hurting it, at all.
no, for really real, on the ones, that part was SO fresh.
and those silver sugar sparkle-magic sprankles?
yeah, man.
that's that sexxxy-sexxx, for sure.
a little pinch of activated coconut charcoal had the greys poppin' in the frosting,
and the dual-tones had me felling flushed with victory over my first attempt.
in fact, until i got home to the destroyed  debris of the thing,
i was amped up and totally psyched on what a savant i must be....
reality checked me in my face, bruh, but that's okay.
so i'm not always proficient. good to know.
i am, however, always sweet.
and i did make a cake, sans recipe, from scratch and off-the-cuff,
especially for the most special one.
that's somethin'.
and anyway,
if we can keep ourselves connected until the next reason to celebrate somethin',
i'll be sure to make a way bigger, way better, even more delicious,
and preferably still-intact cakey bake-up for this sweet honey baby bihhhh.
if you aren't gonna do the nice for somebody,
then they aren't your somebody.
that's a thing.
y'gotta be ready to go farther,
think faster,
hold tighter,
laugh louder,
love harder,
and generally be willing and able to turn up the volume on all the good things to eleven,
and simultaneously mute all the lame-A* bummerisms while you're at it.
that's not as easy as your imbecile heart
and it's oxytocin intoxication may have you believing.
optimism is great,
but a deeply-dedicated work ethic will always win in the end.
it isn't actually easy, but it's still gotta happen.
staying in the moment, planning for the future,
those're the key ingredients to all the feels.
harder and softer, louder and quieter-
it's not enough to do one without the other;
but it's the right amount if you can just make sure you've got too much of all the best parts.
i mean it.
i may eff up a weird cake,
but i will not eff up this weird new thing with a dear weird old friend.
do the nice, or do yourself a favor and get outta here.
that's what's required at the moment,
so that's what i'm doing;
never quiet, never soft.....

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