Tuesday, July 3


melanzane monday??
eggplant for your F*ing face?
fried eggplant on a furiously fiery day??
what am i ?
an A*-hole?
all the oil, all the heat, all the super-fresh flashblasting ferocity,
at omega-level ambient temperatures,
all so that sandwich week could continue unabated
in it's unrivaled ultimate expertism.
don't believe me?
check the teleport:

let me just say that homemade bread is the best,
and add this tidbit onto that statement:
good bread makes better people.
so homemade buns are the ONLY way to get into sandwiches around here.
the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress is home and hub to all the hottness
you can squeeze out of the secret universal backlit blueprint,
and jam into one ley-line overlapping location.
that's real.
the bread is just one part of the picture.
y'see that salad?
it's great.
why? because it's NOT HOT. unlike everything else that's sweltering, sweating,
and softened in this mountain valley at the moment.
cucumber slices, tomato wedges, sharp red onion, lemon, olive oil and salt.
the eggplant, though.
THAT'S where the boomfire lives, broski.
on the ones. crispy-crusted soft-centered super-sexxxiness is what's up.
it's a three-parter-
first, you gotta slice your eggplant nicey-nice, and salt it,
especially if you're using a big dark purple one.
i like the little guys, personally.
i'd rather buy and use two thinly-skinned graffiti jauns than one big fat blarp.
personal things, neighbors, you do what you want.
but then y'gotta drench and dredge 'em.
that's key.
and the one thing i will say for sure:
make waaaay more breading than you think you'd ever need,
and i bet you'll probably still run low.
that's the secret law of eggplant.
yup....it hates you, even though you love it.
you'll need one bowl with:
1 cup non-dairy milk;
1 punch nootch;
2 T flax/chia meal, ground and slurried;
2 T garbanzo flour;
1 T egg replacer powder.
whisked and allowed to bloom and gel and set and all of that....
and, the breading:
cornflakes, crushed up finely;
non-gmo organic cornstarch;
oregano, basil, rosemary, sage, thyme, parsley, black pepper, salt....
you get the process, don'tcha?
i always lay out some waxed paper, so the mess can be easily wrapped and tossed afterwards-
here's the thing-
i have a huge pan, and i put in 1/4" of veg oil, and made it crazy hot,
which in turn made the whole kitchen crazy hot, and shiny,
and holy sh!t, neighbors, i was glistening....
dylan was over.
sharing a meal is better than having twice as much of one.
that's for realsies the truth.
and i love to span time with professional appreciators of the finest flavors,
and the weirdie vegan approach to things that i take every day.
what's more, he loves eggplant. and he loves sandwiches.
AND he did the dippin' and breading.
and then i fried 'em all up, and that was great.
he also rode point on caramelizing the onions.
and i had one huge vidalia, and it was a fat batch of browned-up sweet slipperies,
and they were AMAZINGLY tender and toothsome.
onions, over wilted baby spinach, (tossed with a drop of oil and a squeeze of lemon)
and so much of that eggplant.
like, stacks on stacks on stacks....
that's what you need, nerds.

too much is the right amount,
and i had TWO sauces too.
one, half a cup of balsamic vinegar, simmered down to a thick and viscous syrup,
a.k.a. that balsamic reduction glaze.
honestly, you just simmer it down to a thicker sexxxier consistency.
and it's perfect.
and two, sumac-laced tahini.
this was THE call that turned an already super-sex sandwich up to eleven.
no foolin'.
a spoonful of tahini paste, and twp spoonfuls of warm water,
and two spoonfuls of lemon juice, and sumac, and GPOP....
i mean, it gets thicker quickly, and i don't measure this sh!t-
but it should be pancake batter consistency when you use it.
the sumac is key.
slightly citrusy, sort of pungent, really tasty,
and perfect for living inside of a sesame sossamon sauce.
sauce is what you need for eggplant.
it doesn't matter what kind.
sorry for the imprecise cooking times and measurements,
i'm just riding deep and dirty in the sandwich zone,
and i'm pressed for time before work.
it's ALL really happening,
and it's all a F*ing lot to balance.
i gotta go, just know that it's sandwich week,
and there's more of all of this coming our way;
never quiet, never soft.....

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