Thursday, July 5

FIREWORKER!

here's a fun fact: if you're up all day, all night, and all day again,
and the whole time you're taking it 0% easy,
and just out here doing all the things,
and spanning all the time,
and then coming home and not just trying to stand the heat,
but also turning it up, and staying in the kitchen,
and then eating a F*ing superplate of every kind of extra-dope super hottness,
and take a walk uphill in the heat with a fat full belly and a disobedient dog?
then you fall asleep before any kind of fireworks start exploding overhead.
i had higher hopes for my energy level,
but it turns out i'm destined to act my age,
and NOT pull off back-to-back of raging all-nighters.
awwww.
don't get me wrong, i was't a lazy little baby B-bag, bro.
no way.
i was up for days, and i was at 'em the whole time,
getting sourdough underway at dawn,
and baking hot-doggg buns before breakfast.
and after work? (shoutouts to capitalism)
i went home and made burger buns, and ALLLLL the fixin's an' that.
no, really, check the teleport:

FOURTH OF JULY'WICHES, B!TCHES!!!
wooooooo!!!!
no fireworks? no worries,
i was exxxploding all over the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress!
everything was expert.
and there's a LOT of all of it.
too much is the right amount, man.
it's sort of how you're supposed to do it, y'know?
yeah, you do.
what?
those red, white, and blue potato chips?
obviously,
they're mandatory site-specific seasonally-appropriate snacks, dude.
...and that rainbow pasta salad?
c'mon.
if you don't eff with pasta salad, who even are you?
i mean it. that's like, summer, in squiggly tri-color radiators of righteousness.
mmm.
that's a thing.
cucumber, red, yellow, and orange sweet bell peppers, red onion,
parsley sprankles, chick peas, and a little baby bit of light italian-style dressing.
it's not health food, b.  it's just good food that is healthy for your soul.
*
neighbors,
the fire-roasted-salsa-topped crispy seitan chik'n jauns right here, though?

THIS IS IT.
the new-new, with every available sort of sexxxiness on deck.
homemade seitan slabs,
double-dredged in a combo-plate of special-recipe single-technique flour-
that's non-GMO organic cornstarch, garbanzo flour, wheat flour,
GPOP, fire-roasted tomato flakes, black pepper, pink salt,
and a dash of ground coriander and mustard seeds-
pan fried, and crisped up,
and totally made into the most majestic slabs of super-deliciousness...
with lettuce, and pan-grilled poblano strips, pea shoots,
and AVO-F*ING-CADO.
yes.
YES.
YES.
that's what's up.
huh?
yeah, that's a freshly-baked sesame-seeded sprouted wheat bun.
of course.
i don't do store-bought, buddy.
i am too much of an active participant to go that route.
i want in-depth intentional direct action in my meals.
that's sort of the selling point.
-
this bread recipe was a little stiff.
so, i'm gonna amend it for you, beforehand.
here:
-
*
SPROUTSIES!
-
in your stand mixer, with the dough hook on it, combine-
1 cup bread flour;
1 cup sprouted wheat flour;
1 tsp salt;
3 T vegan butter;
1 T bread machine yeast, bloomed in 2/3 cup warm water, with 1 tsp sugar stirred in.
churn it, bea it, knead it, and let it all come together for 10 minutes,
and begin the preheat process on your oven while it bulks-
375℉, convection if you got it like that.
cover your dough, and when it's 2x size,
punch it down, divide it into 4, shape discs out of your even pieces,
olive oil the tops and sesame seed 'em, then cover them again and let 'em rise
until they're twice as big again...
then bake 'em for 20 minutes or until they're golden enough for your likin', kid.
-
that's how you doo-doo it like a freaky-diki bakery boi, bruh.
for realsies, y'gotta get psyched for this sort of thing, or you're missing out, man.
tight.
***********
and then, there's the finale.
the orchestral arrangement is cued up,
and the big deluxxxe fourth of july jump-up gets started.
what's more fourth of july'erish than a DIRTY DAWG??
nuthin'.
that's real.
y'gotta have those dope dirt dogggz on the 4th.
rules is rules.
so, i made 'em and we ate 'em and it was TILTY like y'read about (literally right now)
check it:

F* YES THAT'S HOW HOMEMADE FOLK LIFE WORKS, NEIGHBORS!!
mmmmmmmm.
red lentil seitan sausage, with every kind of appropriate herb and spice, prepared perfectly.
P├śLSE-style, with the exxxtras all over the place?
yes, that's correct. i wanted all the flavors, all the textures, all the super-deluxxxe everything.
it could be that some time soon, i'll be busier than i am even now,
and this sort of stuff will be beyond my grasp. y'just never know.
so, y'gotta savor the moments, seize the seconds, and do the thing as hard as you can.
aight.
now lemme tell ya-
-
*
toasted caraway tomato relish!
-
1 cup of smashed grape tomatoes;
2 tsp minced red onion;
2 tsp minced yellow pepper;
1 tsp toasted caraway seeds;
1/2 tsp fresh shredded parsley;
a lil baby bit of crushed red pepper, black pepper, pink salt, and olive oil.
how good is this?
it's like if salad figured out how to be slutty and sort of germanic.
i endorse these things.
-
*
malt-vinegar purple carrots!
-
this one is almost insultingly simple. two ingredients:
purple carrots, shaved and slivered;
malt vinegar.
that's all. barely cover the carrot, and let it marinate for a while.
how long? at least half an hour. longer won't hurt you.
ha!
-
and french-fried onions,
and a combo sauce of gritty dijon horseradish mustard, vegan mayo, and turmeric.
plus, just a few more parsley sprankles.
that's important, so it looks exxxtra-sexxxy in that homemade bun.
-
it's the same recipe as most of the bread i've baked all week,
only, turned on it's side. literally.
six sectioned strips, laid cut side down, in a row, almost touching.
i dunno, guys.
i'm getting worse at explaining process,
and i'm feeling so hurried that i don't document any of it,
so i'm not coming through and leaving you with viewable examples.
that's on me.
i'll do better, or you'll intuit more, or you'll stop checking in, or all of those things,
or just some of them, are bound to unfold along the path
we're laying out one step ahead of ourselves into the unknown.
wow.
that's real.
***********
sandwich week is great.
it's a reason to stay home and do work, and i love those two things SO much.
and missing fireworks for the third? year in a row is great, too.
although,
i'm concerned (slightly) that hermit life has made me unfit, though disuse,
for regular-A* interactions with ordinary people.
and it's important to be able to deal with people as a community and as individuals,
isn't it?
i mean, yeah, okay, i DO that every day at AMPERSAND TATTOO,
but there, it's not a fair, balanced give-and-take, as i'm the final word and authority
on appropriate action and interaction.
that's not exactly the way to hone your diplomacy skills, duders.
so,
maybe i need to go out into the world and make-believe and/or play pretend
at being genuinely interested in the comings, goings, and doings of the general populace?
ugh.
i'm considering it.
maybe once sandwich week is over.
we'll see.
lots of possibilities, so many choices, and all of just out of reach for the moment.
there's bread to bake before it gets too hot, however,
so i've got to deal with all that first;
never quiet, never soft.....

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