Wednesday, July 4


i tattooed the F* out of yesterday.
i really, really did.
and when i was done, despite somehow still being super sweaty,
(even with the air being conditioned),
i knew that what i needed was to really immerse myself into the holiday.
no, not that one.
parade-and firework gawking is NOT my thing.
hold on.
don't assume anything.
i like america, a lot. i believe in the o.g. ideals we were founded on.
i just don't have the sort of agog and rabid and willfully subjective solidarity
that some folks have simply for being born on a land mass
that has a particular flag on it claiming ownership
over people and things within invisible borders.
hey, neighbors...c'mon now, take it easy...
nobody is gonna stop you from getting a sunburn, getting drunk on cheap beer,
munching up dead cow circles, or wearing glow-stick necklaces
and oohing and ahhhing over explosions in the sky....
(i might listen to explosions in the sky, but when i say that, i actually mean the band) 
america is tight, but also it is whack.
i love that i can say that freely here, for now,
at least until all news is deemed fake news, and summarily cancelled;
i love that i own, like, a billion guns,
although i will never shoot anything other than a target,
i love that i own and operate a free-market business that supports the arts,
and enriches my community, and still earns me my daily bread-
i love that the pursuit of happiness is encouraged,
despite it never being explicitly guaranteed in any manner whatever.
america is mostly dope, in a whole lot of ways...
but then again, i'm a white guy.
and that means that the odds are strongly in my favor.
until we figure out, beyond bills and articles, laws and legislation,
how to actually just be dope inside these imaginary outlines
that determine the boundaries of our country,
i'm just not really gonna be the flag-waving type.
and besides, i wasn't even talking about the 4th, bro.
i was talking about the real holiday:
sandwich week.
because that's the sort of thing i can fully get behind.
and day three was slightly divergent from my usual taco-style derivative dish,
but still heavy on the alliteration, man.
word up.
TEMPEH/TOFU TUESDAY was in full bloom by the time
my sandwich companion dylan showed up
to span time and enjoy a sandwich with me.
check the teleport:

now THAT'S what's GOOD!!!
look closer:

those are charred scallions on top.
and those are so flippin' expert...
they're just too easy and super delicious.
burn those bad boys in a very hot, lightly-oiled pan, for four minutes or so,
rolling them around so all the sides get all the char.
that's the stuff.
there's pan-fried, thinly-sliced tofu slabs, gently crisped on high heat,
and lightly golden, with a lil bit of salt and pepper.
it's straightforward. it's necessary. it's what you want.
and tempeh bacon, too.
that's the stuff.
half a block of sliced three-grain tempeh, simmering in a shallow pan,
with a glug of olive oil, tamari, liquid smoke, smoked paprika,
GPOP, ho'sauce, and agave, to caramelize it-
bubblin' around with 1 cup of water, and all the extras,
with a little baby bit MORE oil right at the end to fry it up...
the in-depth recipe is somewhere in this blog.
if you need to really really do it, use that top left search bar, bruh.
lettuce and shaved red onion for crawnch and sharpness.
i love oniony stuff.
huh, what's that now??
well, yeah, double onions are in the flavor profile, kid-
too much is the right amount.
i even put pickles on this seriously savage sandwich.
y'feel me?
y'all don't like pickles?
what are you? an A*-hole? you gotta have pickles, y'all.
...and is that AVO-F*ING-CADO in there???!
maaaaaaaaaaaan, you KNOW if i have one i gotta use it;
rules is rules.
...and what's the last piece of the puzzle?
a fat slathery splat of smoky sriracha mayo.
a scoop of vegenaise, two shakes of liquid smoke,
and a squirt of sriracha to spice things up.
all of it is so straight-ahead and easy,
but all of it together is something exxxplosively expert.
i love that.
i loved this sandwich.
i love sandwich week.
i love you guys.
i even love america, although not as much today, compared to every other day.
this is it.
light some sparklers.
grill some dirty dawgs.
do what you do.
it's all really happening, and that's the whole point;
never quiet, never soft.....

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