happy birthday, baby.

chestnuts, you f*cks!!
real-time representin' on some epic solstice magic.
turbo-toasty roastin' on an open fire, an' that.
score yet another 'nother point for the woodsly goodness, ya'll.
those jammies were so mutha-uckin' rad, my ninjas....
cast iron authentic manliness was in full effect.
all i was missin' was a one-horse open sleigh.
i'm sayin'.

strong winds, blizzard whiteout snowstorm conditions, and wet wood.
no flippin' problem at all.
a little dryer lint, some plastic bits and sh!ts, and some swedish firesteel,
a.k.a. the perfect combination for a delicious dark, damp, doo-doo defyin' fire.
matches, ya'll, are waaaay less dope than a dwarven mountain-lord stick of flinty freshness.
oin and gloin called to give me some well-earned props, even.
(anybody?)
the refractory icy spicy snowglobe lantern effect pretty much made my night....
for serious.
and we were still covered in snow by the time we went inside.
all told, there are 30 new inches of arctic snoopy snowcone main ingredient on the ground.
and the plowguy let me enjoy the remains of the ambient excellence,
and waited until 5a.m. to do a slightly-less-inferior attempt at snow removal...
my homeboy jim brought over an apple pie, and the movie 'willow'.
he also helped me shovel this mornin' after he got stranded overnight.
oh yeah, fools,
i even had a slumber party.
snowdays, people,
like that movie with the cute redhead and iggy pop;
anything can happen.....
and i had such a good-vibes inspiring day-
i wished i had a wolf-skin cloak,
so i could run outside mostly naked,
clad in lupine longhairs,
smashin' sh!t with a big-ass woodaxe....
i've got the nudity, and the axe,
but it's the furry flesh frock that would've really tied it all together.
ah well, it's probably for the best i suppose;
there's always the summer solstice....

here's ^^jim going his best ottoman turk soldier impression.

that's ^ 8 big black inches in my facehole, son.
how much is too much?
there's obviously no such thing.
(the object, of course, is more)
you know you like how even that smoldering chocolate sausage has snow on it ya'll.

it was so cold jim's pipe went out,
and while we were settin' around the fuego funsplosion,
it gathered a 1/2 inch of snow on top.
c'mon.
all you woodsly goodness enviers need to get up here for some of this good stuff.
i mean it.

and lastly,
but most importantly;
happy birthday, miss maple star!
uh-huh,
my younger daughter turns se7en years old today.
and for the record, she is awesome.
and for the record, again, she is still the best XI-mas present i've ever gotten.
for also the record,
anyone who tries the double-up,
two-for-one, 
lazypants cheapskate,
holiday/berfday combination gift is off the list.
because unless you're shoppin' for jesus,
that all-in-one present is just not appropriate.

i've got a date with a curly-haired capricorn cutie,
but it has to wait until tomorrow,
when i take the crucial crusade to craptard connecticut.
mutha-uckas better get ready,
the guru is en route,
flowin' like an avalanche,
comin' down the mountain;
never quiet, never soft...