shoppin' and droppin'

guaranteed XI-mas delivery.
it's only helpful if you're around in the days before the holiday.
for myself, and my sweet honeycomb bumblebaby,
being in weak-sauce connecticut is gonna harsh those last minute arrivals...
c'est la vie, my ninjas...
the french-style, son,
like a baguette,
right up the a*, even.

we spent the day shoppin' 'til we dropped.
all those little things,
and even the so-so not that dope ones.
thank goodness for candles, yo.
got a person on your list that needs somethin',
but doesn't rank on the big buying power budget?
need a little somethin' extra to fill that tissue paperless void in the gift bag?
re-gifting for an 'obligation present' a la' 'yankee swap' or christmas party?
CANDLES, mutha-ucka.
the all-purpose fill-in treats.
like the breadcrumbs in the meatloaf, an' that,
it stretches out the gift givin' magical spirit.
and,
just like breadcrumbs,
candles,
when used as a hansel and gretel trailmarker,
a holiday pathway to givin' because you think you have to,
makes it sure to lose the connection to those people by next year.
which is great, usually.
i repeat;
thank goodness for candles.
especially the scented ones.
i should also mention how much i hate the a-tards shoppin' at the candle store who have to keep saying retarded sh!t;
like:
oh man, this smells just like it!!!! (as if the name was there to throw you off the trail)
oh, it's so good it's makin' me hungry!!! (the candle, not because they're 450lbs. maybe?)
oh, oh, i just wanna eat it!!! (maybe they should- hopefully it obstructs a bowel)
-i don't know about the rest of you,
but that kind of less-than-eleven,
just be doo-doo buttery,
bland colorless commentary makes my barbarian battle-balls boil and blanch.

i'm freezin',
and my teeth won't stop chatterin'.
listen closely, you can hear 'em rattlin' like machine gun fire;
never quiet, never soft...