treetops and bottoms.

all ya'll need to recognize the power of lightning striking viking,
bank-breaking berserker barbarian battle-beast gratitude and generosity.
that's jess's enormous heaping mountain of year-end appreciation from yours truly.
4 different kinds of color coordinated wrapping paper? oh yeah.
(the boxes and the tissue paper ALL match, too)
i am a big believer in presentation counting as much as content.
so save that crumply newspaper gift-wrap crap for the folks you couldn't care less about.
when it comes to my peoples,
i makes the moves happen so hard, yo.
i'm sure you all were just as into the spirit of giving as i was....

connecticut had it poppin',
but,
there's something about new hampshire.
with my super fly girlie-girls and my oh-so-sweet honey-haired lovely one, too.
as usual, we did our thing a day late,
but in no way short on anything.
well worth the wait,
more than well worth the asscrack-o'dawn escape,
uhhm, i mean, the scenic drive back to wintry nh awesomeness,
and even worth the epic doo-doo buttery
sh!t-salad sandwiches of connecticut's craptacular turd buffet, too.
i love traffic, urban sprawl, bad roads, worse drivers, and all the other highlight reel moments...
because without the bitter, the sweet's just not as sweet.
y'hearin' me?
we had some times,
mostly good, an' that,
although we slid in an' out like a surgical spec-ops strike team.
sharklike survivalism, by keepin' it in motion.
stayin' under the radar and maintaining radio silence.
sorry we missed out on spannin' time with all my hometown homies,
but self-preservation was the order of the days...
battle-bard warcraft, my worthy flippin' adversaries;
get in, hit hard, get out.
i'm happy to report back:
mission accomplished.

y'know what drains the barbarian fury faster than a haymaker hoedown?
three X-mas times,
in a row,
in one day,
followed by some familiar family fury,
followed by a cannon-blast from the past,
and a smoke-ring ringo starr of repetetive history,
followed by the best and brightest in the real-life hottness of the woodsly goodness.


tom and miss betty kept it real.
real friendly, real lovin', real nice.
thanks again, guys!


granma pat and the dautrich posse get busy too, no doubt about it.
they had some battle-bard butthole-bustin' beans that rocked my socks off.
and when i say socks, i mean my anus.
thanks uncle steven, aunt susan, pat, and jet the big 'tarded dog!!!
dinner was rad...


my ma's house was a tornado of activity.
screamin' kids hopped up on over-the-counter candy canes-
text messaging sisters, tardy sisters, & 'tarded sisters, too.
( i only have two sisters, so there is some overlap there)
my ma and my ol' man were in the eye of the hurricane,
and hooked your homeboy (that's me) up with some baking-stones,
pizza makin' products,
and a whole bunch of old timey historical artifacts from the nuclear past.
(and when i say nuclear, i mean it like 'traditional family' funsplosions...mostly)
thanks ma, for hookin' up the fresh accomodations for me and mine.
sh!!!!!t, ya'll,
my baby mama even hooked me up with a genuinely kind and moving gift from the heart;
one of her late father's meerschaum pipes.
thanks, jen!


of course, home is where the house is,
and there's no place like new hampshire.
today was the perfect dessert ending to a combination platter of mixed family overlapping,
travel timing, party planning, birthday, nativity, holiday harmony.
all told, with precious few bumps and mishaps,
this was the first uninterrupted stretch of christmas that jess and i have ever experienced.
the nights may have been silent and holy,
but the days all remain
never quiet, never soft...