el ocho.

eight years ago,
today,
a little, pink, wobbly-headed, wet, crying little miniature human
made her big debut.
for the record:
that sh!t looks SO gross when it happens.
of course,
my sweet sugary lovely little lady has more
than made up for the initial squeezin',
with a long stretch of being pretty flippin' excellent.
yep.
today,
in the right now moments,
maple st*r turns eight years old.
eight!
my littlest baby daughter is 'ucking eight.
i really don't feel like that many years have passed.
...until i look in the mirror at the soft, sallow, saggy sack of sh!t staring back.
then,
it seems like eight hundred years have gone under the bridge.
and it's only a couple of weeks until my birthday, too.
two chappy goat capricorns, ya'll.
me and my little maple.
i read some crap about astrological blabbity-blah this morning.
it was actually a little spooky;
turns out, according to some a-hole somewhere,
i fit the mold for the quintessential crap-ricorn.
it's right here.
my favorite part?
the 'dislikes'.
read it, duders.
hilarious.
and completely true.
what can i say?
i'm a hard-hearted hard-style hater.
i doo-doo that mean and grinchy business.
it's the part where the goat is also half-fish.
maybe that explains the shark-gluttony a bit better.

did somebody say sinus infection?
that's even grosser than childbirth.
i mean,
a baby is supposed to look like a naked mole rat
covered in ghostbustery ectoplasm when it shoots out.
but inside my nose isn't.
oh, don't worry,
all that skank-huffin' i did under the house gave me a humdinger of one.
anybody else see that one coming?
i guess ebola mouse dust and fiberglass don't really bode well
for the respiratory system.
sorry mucous membranes-
now i've got pumpkin pie filling in my skull cavity.
is that disgusting?
yeah.
i know it is.
but it's all really happening,
and real life sometimes has scooples of esophageal pudding in it.
what better way to celebrate all that recently stockpiled masculinity,
than with a fever chills and nostril batter spate of consequences?
maybe i'm just feeling sick with the prospect of driving to the weakest sauce.
tomorrow we head to ct.
Pepe's Pizzeria is a mandatory first stop.
if you don't know,
you'd better find out.
who's coming?
we'll be there.
XI-mas journeying,
birthday partying,
and family gathering;
never quiet, never soft.....