not to be outdone...

...my wife took the prize this year.
in addition to hottest,
funniest,
nicest,
and overall most elite,
this year we had to add:
most considerate, most generous, most attentive.
all of that.
and,
being as generous as the most epic norse valkyrie queens,
she helped me acheive an even more ridiculous level
of uber-turbo-hirsute manliness.
i hope i'm as worthy of her infinite excellence as i can be.
i'm sayin',
some people are just plain ol' lucky.
some people have a set of good peoples looking out for them.
some people have a whole blueprint page of secret universal planagram mapped out
like a cheat-code backroom password to fresh-to-deathliness.
i gots ALL of them jauns.
oh, yes, today, this day, this XI-mas,
i most certainly do;
while regular ladies were out buying cologne and boxers for their menfolk,
my worthy wifely warrior poet was taking it to eleven.
what do you get for the barbarian who has everything?
what says 'berserker fury' and 'i love you'?
what kind of sweet treat can leave me speechless?
what kind of show-stopping big unveiling hard-style woodsly, goodsly,
savage stormswept hottness provides all that big action?
i'll give ya'll a hint;
usually it gets a gun rack in the back,
and you'd better believe this one will, too:

holy mother-lickin' sh!t, ninjas.

that's a god-damned 4x4 MAN truck.

burly?

yep.

beastly?

for sure.

battle-damaged bumpers?

c'mon.

that's road warrior poetry.

equal parts mad max, jack kerouac, and cormac mccarthy.

i watched my epic presentation of treats get routed.

and here i thought i was over-the-top.

my wife wins, duders.

harder and louder and better than everyone else.

sorry kwanzaa,

but we stole your thunder today.

boo-ya, an' that.

top-secret dealer delivery got the truck dropped off at the house.

kids,

are you getting this?

i have a manly miki-fiki truck.

the last stone in a damning dam of rural reality.

a work truck, b!tches.

for hauling homeownery sh!t all over the flippin' place.

relax, for a second-

even though it's new (to me)

it's used.

so ease off the big-timer backlash.

fortunate events favor bold move makers.

and here we are-

i mean it.

plus,

i would feel horrible putting dents and dirt on a brand spankin' new one anyway.

this one is perfect.

just like my better half.

***********

we sped home.

we opened presents.

we're making dinner.

i got a sonuvab!tchin' truck, you 'uckers.

all the way to eleven.

i can't say it often enough-

i am grateful for the time i have been given;

never quiet, never soft.....