Friday, November 28

stay black.

it's a white winter woodsly wonderland
of cloud-covered foggybottomed mountain vale
that i've woken up to on this blackest of fridays.
the weather is perpetually not my favorite.
and black friday is the least enjoyable friday of the year.
good friday is better,
and we're celebrating torture and murder!
then again,
maybe that's what we're celebrating today, too?
seems like it.
i'm not shopping today.
i'm working.
all damned day long.
but that's not what's important right now, kids.
what's on my priority action item report at the moment
is making sure y'all get a good look at my most expert thanksgiving spread.
check the teleport:
the shark gluttony was so intense, and so over-the-top,
and so fat and filthy and filling...
i actually really needed a whole other 'nother plate
just to fit everything i'd made onto the table to munch up on all at once:
i brought a sidecar of dressing and gravy and stuff!!
that might be gross, huh?
what are you?
an A*-hole??
don't be dumb.
it's F*ing inspired.
more plates means more food and less trips back and forth.
when there's too many different things, and not enough places to put 'em,
we now know the secret-
more places means more room for more of all of it.
that's the key, kids-
too much is the right amount,
and i took that whole philosophy to heart, and had matters well in hand,
before the first corner of my cloth napkin dabbed the gravy off of my face.
expert overindulgence.
forever and ever.
that's a thing.
so what did i make?
i made a lot of everything.
homemade vegan roast, no recipe, no guidelines,
just a baby bit of culinary know-how and a ton of garlic.
mashed pink beans and pureed tofu;
wheat gluten and nootch and bean flour and tapioca starch;
all the spices;
all the herbs;
brothy froth, and liquid smoke;
cloves on cloves on cloves of sharp garlic;
olive oil by the glug-glug-glugful;
tamari today and every day, and a pat of buttery spread.
oh, yeah,
and some fancy multigrain rice and corn and carrots,
and some celery and mushroom and red onions,
and made that all into some succulent stuffing:
a doughy doo-doo diaper of massive beige meatless mess,
rolled and rested, baked and basted, and definitely delicious, too.
it seems that homemade roasts were all the rage this season.
who would've guessed i'd be so au courant?
that's no joke, either.
steamed vegan sausages, from scratch,
made our cornbread stuffing so much more elite than years past.
the palatability was increased a thousand fold.
and even though i made cornbread stuffing,
i also made that three grit-ground grain maple-sweetened cornbread, too:
that's right.
more is what we want, and more is what we get.
it was very necessary, when it came right down to it, too.
after all,
not much makes my vanilla-cider cranberry sauce taste better than it already does:
what with the pectin punch of burst berries,
in a little brown sugar and a splash of syrup, broken down with a dash of lemon juice,
and then simmered slowly to a sumptuous sauce in reduced apple cider....
but that cornbread combo has got what it takes to make it go to eleven and beyond.
i made mushroon gravy,
in addition to my regular custom golden-roux Folk Life gravy.
why two gravies?
because different sh!t tastes better with different gravy, neighbors!
for example,
mushrooms, stuffed with re-activated rice from the roast-stuffing,
with peas and more mushroom, and leeks, and parsley and scallions,
need mushroom gravy for maximum flavor concentration.
but, some things don't even need gravy.
it's true.
like maple-brown sugary, lightly season sweet potatoes,
with caramelized shallots and tempeh bacon bits:
that's a banger all damned day, all by it's lonesome.
word up.
these roasted rainbow root vegetables, however,
especially with the addition this year of parsnips,
need a little lube to slide on down the gullet.
baby tiny teeny potatoes and onions and baby carrots?
oh my!
garlic'd collard greens?
garlic mashed potatoes?
with a little onion, and so much butt(ers)...?
how about steamed and then roasted butternut squash,
with cinnamon and dried cranberries and pecans??
heck yes, guys!
too much food.
too many options.
too much gravy.
too much of everything.
oh MAN,
it was just right.
gratitude and generosity,
and family togetherness.
that's how we get blacktivated on fridays...
especially THIS friday.
we overdid it,
and we'll do it again tonight.
that's our move,
and we're making it happen;
never quiet, never soft.....

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