apples to apples.

yesterday was national coffee cake day.
that's a real thing.
and i'm a really real coffee cake aficionado,
fully-functional and professionally appreciative,
not to mention wholeheartedly active and participatory,
so,
surely i HAD to represent on some celebratory site-specific hottness.
i doo-doo that cakey sh!t, kids,
and when i'm into it,
there's no telling how dope it's bound to be.
wordimus prime.
i decided on apples,
and there are no fewer than twenty-one apples involved in this project.
what?
yeah.
that's no joke.
too much is the right amount,
and we've got three weeks' worth of doctor-proof fruit up in here.
check the teleport:

yeah!!
neighbors,
crushed dried apple chips- six apples worth- mixed in with some spelt,
and vanilla beans, and whole wheat flour,
light brown sugar, applesauce, vegan sour cream, and butters.......
guys,
it was like grandma learned how to do it better than when she was alive.
oooooohhhhh sh!t!
sorry, grannies, but this jammie-jam right here just rewrote your epitaph.
boom.
that's pretty good,
but i couldn't leave it alone.
after all, it was a holiday, not just some cakey crap-A* regular day-
so i added another 'nother nine apples,
chopped rough,
stewed with spices and brown sugar and vanilla,
and blopped 'em all on top of all of that.
damn.
half coffeecake, half apple crisp?!
yeah.
i'm allll about that kind of indulgence,duders.
so how do we take it to eleven?
pecans, oats, butters, powpowdered sugar,
and more dried crushed apple chips,
for an elite and molto expert streusel from the far flung fringes of the future.
recognize.
that seems like a solid way to get it poppin',
but it doesn't seem like enough, does it?
no way.
i told you already-
too much is the right amount.
a scoople of vanilla almond milk ice cream was what's up.
with homemade dark brown super sticky caramel sauce,
and fresh grated cinnamon sprankles.
mmmmmhmmmmm.
*
the basics were in place before i even began:
a cuppa sug, a stick of butts, lemon-curdled soymilk by the single cupful,
two cups of flour, a half a tsp. of salt;
vanilla, dashes on dashes;
a tsp. of each of that baypow, and that bayso, if you feel me.
no?
c'mon.
you're okay.
plus a big ol' bag of bashed apart apple chippers,
and a half a cup of spelt.
a cup of sour cream, and greased pan, and a 350 degree oven,
etc, so on and so forth.....
next thing you know, you're giving nana a run for her money.
true story.
*
i don't play around when it comes to treats.
i love them too much to give 'em anything but my total attention.
i think that's my problem with everything i like a lot.
i'm totally committed, and i don't ever take it easy,
so the standards are high to start with,
but the bar gets raised daily.
yikes.
y'can't sleep on that sh!t. suckas-
there's already too much to be done before breakfast.
we can't all just wait around for the new hottness to happen by itself.
the investment of time and energy is paramount,
and it one-ups the investment of money,
because time IS money,
and if you don't believe me,
just take a quick look at all the broke folks sitting around watching television.
that's some impoverished time spanning for sure.
i'm over here stirring the pot,
and wrapping the presents,
and baking a mutha-flippin' berfday cake.
it's all really happening,
and what's more-
there's family togetherness less than eleven hours away!
yup.
my kids, my lady, my dog, and i are all about to really put up a mountainous
mess of time and energy into being a team.
that's some wealthy weekend worthiness,
and some valuable valkyrie/.viking lightning-striking virtue,
if F*ing full effect.
today is the day,
so was yesterday,
and tomorrow even more so;
never quiet, never soft.....