BERFDAY!!!!!!!

fancy vanilla cake,
for my fancy vanilla b!tches!!!
WOOOOOOOOO!!!
hahahahaha.
neighbors,
today is the day.
mmhmm.
it sure is.
a great big fat happy mutha-flippin' berfday is poppin' off,
eventually,
once everybody else wakes up.
everybody else?
yessire.
harvest and maple and ampy-d are ALL here,
and so is our terrible terrier,
who's spent the last twelve hours pushing his luck,
and trying to get me to ruin the party with mack-hand battle-beast brutality.
what?
oh, i'm serious.
that's a real scene, guys,
and it's perilously close to coming true.
yikes!
but,
before any of that plays out like a shakespearean tragedy,
there's party time family togetherness on the menu.
and breakfast.
and cake.
cake is compulsory.
without it, it's not your berfday.
rules is rules.
so, for all my plain peoples,
i gussied up some plain cake.
check the teleport:

so k'yoooooooot.
vanilla-bean infused sugar,
and vanilla bean paste in the flour,
and vanilla-tinted tapioca in the mix,
plus, a cup of vanilla soy yogurt in there, too-
and vanilla soy milk!
woooooooooooooordimus prime, kids-
i made a super-tasty, thick vanilla cake circle, double stacked,
and lathered with so much betterthanevercreme frosting.
that's the truth.
y'like those spring sprankles?
me too.
y'like that frosted purple tint to it?
yeah, that's nice.
how about the faint orangey citrus accents in the lighter swirls?
mmmhmmmm.
i HAD to freak it off just a little tiny bit, friends.
too much is the right amount,
especially on a berfy day.
*
amber turns twenty eight today,
and that's pretty rad.
maybe if we'd gotten any sleep,
and crabtree hadn't been such a bastard about bothering my children,
we'd already be partying....
my good buddy shawn is turning 35,
in virginia,
with a lingering case of connecticitis kicking his A*.
damn.
hard styles abound, as we travel into the future.
i guess that's just something we should come to expect.
the house is quiet, except for the sound of my seething savagery,
and the dog's jaws crunching on a filthy marrow-filled piece of 'sgusting.
we're here,
waiting for the big action to begin.
it's all really happening-
cake, treats, fun, family togetherness.
or, at least, it will be soon;
never quiet, never soft.....