Friday, November 30


wheatless meatless BALLZ, y'all.
that's the new-new and i can't seem to get enough.
nah, f'really real though- i've made 'em three times in a two months.
i used to use wheat gluten to bind 'em,
and they were F*ing super-good.
these days, however,
as a nod to my celiac soulmate/natural disaster, breezy,
i've been on some other other sh!t, with righteous results.
that's no joke.
and if you think i can't keep it expert without wheat?
you're wrong.
(yeah, the pasta isn't as dope, but it isn't bad, and it gets so much assistance from the sauce)
check the teleport:

i know i've been going heavy on the arugula lately.
i dunno what to say: i like arugula. it's an excellent veg-e-ta-ble.
(shoutouts to my blue heaven....anybody?)
the sauce was on always is.
marinara is a good thing.
and the way i freak it off, it's waaaaay better than any bullsh!t jar sauce out there.
i'll tell you all about it, if you'd like?
in a 1 quart saucepot, saute, in 1 T olive oil:
3 T finely minced onion;
2 cloves crushed garlic;
2 T mincey-dicey peeled carrot;
1 cup halved grape tomatoes;
all that simmers and gets soft, before you add:
1 T red wine vinegar;
1 T tamari (wheat-free soy sauce)
1 tsp ea GPOP;
1 T nootch;
1/2 tsp oregano, parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme, and basil;
a few shakes of crushed red pepper flakes;
1 T tomato paste;
pink salt and black pepper.
now comes the good part:
1 1/2 cups crushed tomatoes;
and 1/2 cup apple juice.
cover it, reduce the heat to a low simmery bubblin' flame,
and let all that marry together into some new hottness for your face.
y'better get ready, kiddo, because you're gonna flip out over how good this is.
it's elite.
and it makes that red lentil spaghetti taste way better, and feel less starchy and sad.
that's the truth.
good sauce is the key to activating all the available expertism in any meal;
it's like a cheat code to deliciousness.
true story.
but without the BALLZ, you an't got nothin' that anybody else couldn't have.
that's right.
if what y'all really really want is that loud, fresh, hardness for your face,
then you need a megaton exxxplosion of radical vegan gluten-freedom-fightin'
to parachute in a blow up all your taste buds with some ultimo-deluxxxo dopeness.
and these BALLZ are the path to glory, neighbors.
they keep getting better, too.
third time's the charm, i guess.
here's how you too can become more awesome in one pot's worth of effort:
in a one quart saucepot, in 2 T olive oil, saute:
1/2 onion, minced;
3 cloves crushed garlic;
heavy shakes of GPOP,
plus a half each of oregano, thyme, sage, rosemary, and basil;
1/2 block shredded tempeh;
1 cup diced tomatoes;
2 T nootch;
pink salt and fresh cracked black pepper...
1 cup warm water;
1/2 cup crushed tomatoes;
2 T white wine vinegar;
1 T tamari;
cook all that down, on medium heat, until it's a mash-
remove from heat, let it cool ten minutes, and add
1 cup chick pea flour.
dudes, that's IT.
form 'em up into mini-meteorites, and fry 'em in a pan covered barely in olive oil.
jussssst enough to brown the outsides while you roll 'em around,
before you finish 'em by tossin' 'em all in the sauce and letting the whole batch
swirl around in there for another 'nother ten minutes.
that's the move, bro.
and you'll get so psyched when you serve these baddies up
that's a fact.
try it out, and tell me what you think.
everybody who is not an A*-hole will know these are the TRUTH.
finally, this bullsh!t month is on the way out.
my XI-mas tree is up, (2nd year in a row!)
the lights are lit,
the stockings are hung,
and the mantel is decorated with visions of pine-and-balsam bough-barianism.
it's delightful, and it's all really hapening.
as events unfold, there's no guarantee of success,
but i'm destined to remain dyin' while i'm tryin', and there's no time for lyin' and cryin'-
all naughty, all the time, is SO nice,
and i'm grateful for the chimney-sweepin' poop-chutes-and-ladders that have led me here;
never quiet, never soft.....

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