Wednesday, August 7

BIG FALAFEL!

homemade naan.
homemade chickpea fritters.
homemade cucumber-yogurt-mint'ziki.
fresh-made lemony tahini.
lemon-kissed salad mix.
red onion.
pepperoncini.
pickles.
pickled jalapenos.
sriracha.
orange and red sweet baby grape tomatoes.
toasted sesame seed sprankles.
sumac.
WOOOOORD.
what happens when you make all those things touch each other?
this happens:

YOOOOOOOO!!!!
there's never been a more D√úDI BOI SUMMERTIME than this one, neighbors.
that's like a couple of enormous mediterranean rainbows of vegan righteousness.
that's like a pair of full-spectrum sexxxy suitcases of succulence.
that's like a tandem twosome of nourishing nuclear bombs.
that's expert to eleven,
and anyone who says otherwise is clearly a dumb-dumb.
for real.
get a closer look:

c'mon, man!!
that's what's really 'hood in this woodsly goodness.
the streets and the mountains around the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress
are reverberating with echoes of this epic excellence.
mmhhmmm.
shockwaves of supreme flavor are still being felt up here.
yeah.
-
the fritters are spicy and crispy-edged and soft-centered.
the bread is supple, but sturdy.
the sauces are incredible.
the tastes and the textures are magnificent.
and i'm gonna tell you how to make all of it.
yup.
let's start with the beans.
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*
FALAFEL!
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in your food processor, combine:
1 15oz can chickpeas, rinsed and drained and dried;
1/2 tsp sea salt;
1/4 chick pea flour;
2 T flaxmeal;
1 cup chopped parsley;
1 cup chopped cilantro;
3 cloves garlic;
1/2 cup onion;
juice of 1 lemon;
1/2 tsp cumin;
1/2 tsp ea GPOP;
1/4 tsp sumac;
1/4 tsp black pepper;
1/4 tsp coriander seed;
1 T olive oil.
pulse it all up to a coarse but cohesive consisitency,
think gritty clay soil-
and form up 1" balls, pressed firmly and allowed to rest 15 minutes,
as 1/2" vegetable oil heats up good and hella hot.
add your balls (there should be a LOT), and roll 'em around with a fork or spoon
until they're crispy enough for your liking.
cool them on a paper towel to absorb any surface oil, and get 'em ready for stackin'
in your breads, bro.
*
but first,
you're gonna wanna make some sauces, too.
-
*
CUKE-COCONUT-YOGURT-MINT-ZIKI!!
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in a high speed blender, combine:
1 tsp lemon juice;
1/4 cup unsweetened plain coconut yogurt;
1 little mini cucumber (or 1/3 regular-sized non-english cucumber);
6-10 big fresh mint leaves.
pulse it up, add a lil pinchy pinch of pink salt,
and let that marinate in it's own awesomeness
until it's time to drizzle it on your sandwiches.
expert.
*
the sesame paste taste of a good TAHINI is essential too.
i usually add a LOT of lemony, a lil black pepper, a dash of sumac,
and a spoonful of tahini together to make a thiccc but smooth sauce.
i like it burly, but add warm water to thin it out if you can't handle that much raw power.
i'm not judging you for your weakness.
*
and the mixed salad bits?
that's parsley, scallion, cilantro, purple cabbage, salt, and lemon.
lemons are very integral to this event.
don't even front like you ca do without 'em.
....because only an A*-hole would even try.
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all the other stuff is pretty self-explanatory,
but tha bread is the TRUTH,
and without it, your falafels will forever be lackin' and you'll always be slackin'
and the BIGGEST big action activation will forever be out of reach.
that's a fact.
you can try to convince yourself you like it as much with store bread,
but you;re lying to yourself and you know it.
take the extra effort to heart, and upgrade your meal to the highest stratum of hottness.
do it.
you'll be so happy and so much more satisfied.
real talk.
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*
NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
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in your stand mixer with the dough hooker hookin', combine:
1 1/4 cups king arthur bread flour;
1/4 tsp sea salt;
2 T olive oil;
2 T unsweetened coconut yogurt;
2 tsp bread machine yeast;
1 tsp sugar;
2/3 cup + 1 T warm water.
knead it up to a smooth ball, cover it with a drip of olive oil, and let 'em rise on up
for fifteen or so minutes.
divide the ball into 2 for extra large meganaaners,
or smaller balls for four or five..... i had two biggies and one little bitty baby leftover exxxtra for snackin' on,
and that was cool, too.
and let those rest another ten minutes while a large skillet heats up
over all-the-way-high heat until it's furiously hot.
on a floured surface, roll out the dough balls thin and flat and floppy,
and set 'em aside to relax a second.
add a drop of oil to your pan, and one at a time, fry those F*ers up!!
a minute a side should do it.
dudes,
they're perfect.
and they hold alllllll that stuff so snug.
and the whole thing together is a major win for your face.
look at how huge these bad babies are:

WOW!
my hands are extra-large, and this hangs over my whole spidery-finger murderpalm
man-mitts by three inches in either direction.
that's a LOT of falafel.
and that's the right amount.
mmmhmmm.
i rolled 'em up like a bicycle toolkit, and i devoured them both in no time.
do i still feel full this morning?
i do.
but only in my heart, because i loved them so much.
ha!
make it yourself.
don't be lazy.
make it count.
you deserve it;
never quiet, never soft.....

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