PESTOOOO.M.G!

pasta and sauce.

like, why, man?

why are those two things SO flippin' good?

it doesn't really even matter what pasta and what sauce-

they just go together to make a whole new other 'nother next level combination

of flavors and textures and hottness for your hungry effing face.

...and that's no joke.

i have an aptitude for italian-style food.

i do.

and it's not even my favorite stuff to make-

but, i mean, should i squander a gift like that?

no way.

it's not as if there's tons of expert vegan sauce sorcery poppin' off up here,

and i can just scoople up some molto-molto-bene jauns wherever and whenever....

but i can sure-as-sh!t make a masterpiece out of thin air without a care in the world,

and share it with y'all, so we can have a lil moment together as professional 

appreciators of pasta-based excellence 

and conscientious shark-gluttony from the future.

ha!

that's real.

ANYway, i had an idea, a surplus of basil, 

and an eggplant left over from the day before-

so, when dylan the dude came over again, with MORE miyoko vegan mozz?

the semolina pasta production got fired up, and the new-new got underway.

i got that pasta in my DNA, and i'm adept at making a plate look tight af.

for really-real, i only ever want to eat beautiful food.

y'know?

and it's the one truly joyous outlet i have complete creative control over these days-

check the teleport:

PESTO IS THE BEST-O!!!

and those tortellini are stuffed with smoky roasty red pepper and eggplant boomfire,

with a touch of spiciness, and a TON of full-bodied flavor.

damn, dudes, y'all weren't ready. heck, neither was i, at first, 

but i caught up to speed as fast as my little hands could fold those pouches, y'heard?

mmmhmmm.

this has ALLLLL the best bits, 

and they all go together like sprockets and cogs in clockwork.

i love when that happens.

so, there's eggplant filling, in homemade pasta pockets-

there's from-scratch basil-spinach sunflower seed pesto-

crisp sweet potato, blackened tomatoes, 

and toasty sunflower seed sprankles,

and that bright, bright, bright lemon kiss to turn it up to eleven.

basically, 

it's an overload of awesome, and i never wanted it to end.

so,

where do we begin?

with the pesto, i guess.

-

*

BASIL-SPINACH-SUNFLOWER PESTOOOOOO!

-

brown 5 whole cloves of garlic in a genrous glug of olive oil,

and add them into your food processor, along with:

1/4 cup raw sunflower seeds;

1+ cup fresh basil;

1 handful baby spinach;

1 punch of fresh parsley;

1 T scallion greens;

2 T lemon juice;

2 T nutritional yeast;

1/4 cup olive oil;

pink salt, black pepper to taste,

and a splash or two of water to emulsify te F* out of all of that.

pulse it until it's paste (that's what pesto means, bro)

and let it hang out and marry into itself so the flavor intensifies while you're pasta-ing.

word up.

*

the pasta is the same as always, which is to say: perfect.

here's that recipe, again-

1 cup semolina flour;

1 1/4 cup flour;

1 tsp salt;

3 T olive oil;

3/4 cup warm water.

kneaded fot 10, rested for 10, rolled and cut on a very well-floured surface.

that's expert.

*

the filling was so easy, i almost feel like a cheater listing the process,

but i'll do it, just because i care about you, as far as you know-

-

*

EGGPLANT-RED PEPPER SMOKY FUOCO!

-

dice up one small italian eggplant, skin-on, into 1/4" bits,

and saute it in olive oil with 

1/4 cup minced sweet onion;

3 cloves crushed garlic;

1 tsp ea. Garlic Powder Onion Powder,

pink salt, black pepper, 2 tsp crushed red pepper flakes,

and a tablespoon of nutritional yeast;

add in 1/4 cup minced red pepper;

3 shakes of liquid smoke;

1 tsp tamari-

and sweat all that down to a roasty-toasty softened stuffing-

it shouldn't take more than 15 minutes on medium-high heat... 

but you know what you like, neighbors, so cook it until it's done enough for your taste.

toss in 1 T shredded scallion greens, and 2 T fresh parsley,

and you've got yourself some kind of supreme elitism, 

ready for tucking into those pasta circles, along with a spoonful of that miyoko mozz.

which, incidentally, is very authentically-cheese-tasting stuff.

y'know you wanna fold, and tuck and pinch 'em up-

and you've GOT to let 'em rest before you boil 'em.

that's a thing.

and also, the water better be hella salty, too.

these are the rules for maxxximizing positivity in your dinnertime experience.

i'm telling you- this is the way to go.

...and when you fish out all those fat, floaty 'linis with your strainery spider ladle,

be sure to toss all of them with a huge scoop of pesto, and a splash of the pasta water,

so they're completely coated, soaked, and saturated in SAUCE.

too much is the right amount when it comes to pesto, 

and everything else,

so don't go getting cheap on me now, bro.

WORD.

and then there's still all the upgrades to tell you about-

check it:

C'MON, MAN!!!

that's borderline smut, no?

like, a filthily fresh and scandal'iciously dope mountain of wizard-style conjuration,

live and direct from my kitchen to your eyeballs-

there's nothing to hate here.

baby spinach on the bottom of the plate,

a whole heap of those rich, savory, smoky, cheesy, bright, nutty, 

toothsome al-dente dollops of delight,

and then, a whole mess of exxxtras to really activate the experience,

and change the way you feel about food.

mmmmmmmmm.

crisp pan-fried sweet potato? hell yes! 

blackened tomatoes, tossed in olive oil? F* yeah!!

toasted sunflower seed spranks? wuTANG!!!

and MORE baby basil leaves, 

just to exxxplode your face off with MORE flavor?!?!

yes. yes. YES. YES. YES!

.....then, when you squeeze a little fresh lemon on top?

oh MAN-

you may as well just punch yourself in the face, 

because there's a finite number of tortellini to eat,

and once they're gone, nothing will seem to be any good for some time afterwards.

it's like one of those better-to-have-loved-and-lost kind of a thing.

you're happy you had it, but you're so sad you don't still have it.

awwwwwwww.

if you aren't making food that breaks your heart, 

you aren't making the right kind of food.

and i mean that from the bottom of my own broken pump.

***********

it's all about dinner these days.

the warm, long-lasting summer light;

the long, lambasted hours of tattzapping, always, and all the time;

the desire to be healthier, happier, and less homely;

to be more subtly nuanced, more completely nourished, 

and the most positive and forward-moving version of myself...

ALL that leads to making magnificent meals to culminate the days 

in a crescendo of creativity, progress, process, 

feasting and fulfilling the needs and the wants of a hungry mind and body at once-

i'm sustaining my little woodsly goodsly world with radical expert vegan foodstuffs,

from scratch, made with my heart, mind, and hands,

so that every day is the best day, and it always ends with a headful of ideas,

a belly full of heroic food,

and a heart packed full of promise... 

it's not always easy, but it's all really happening,

and that's really what it's about;

never quiet, never soft.....

MELANZANA APIZZA!

if you're pulling your own weight,
you aren't pulling hard enough.
that's been my mindset for a minute or two-
or, like, for years of carrying burdens that get heavier every day-
here's the thing-
i'm the one adding the extra sh!t every day.
uh-huh.
the idea that too much is the right amount
isn't just about the outcome, neighbors-
it's just as much a philosophically fundamental position on INPUT as well.
that's real.
y'know how the notion of the 'lion's share' means MORE than everybody else?
well, then if i'm doing my fair share,
then i feel as though the 'lion' part should be implied-
right?
like, if you know you can do more, but you don't- just to keep things equal?
then maybe you've misunderstood the whole point.
fairness is subjective,
and those who receive an advantage usually find few faults in any system
that eases their portion of participation.
that's a thing.
here's another thing: we're NOT all the same,
...and that's why if i can do more, i want to do more.
i don't know.
i feel like i'm only competing with myself-
to outdo what i've already done, and be the best version of myself-
and to get bigger and better and fresher and harder than ever before.
like i just said: too much IS the right amount.
you don't go farther by standing still,
you don't get faster by standing still,
you don't get impossible outcomes from underwhelming INput.
i want the big deluxxxe, man.
and i'm not asking for it, i'm creating it.
-
that's a lot to deal with every F*ing day, for the record-
but what else am i gonna do?
take it easy?
nope.......that ain't me, bro.
in fact,
last night, despite not really wanting to make a big deal out of dinner,
and instead of just phoning it in with some quick and easy tacos,
i went hard on the eggplant scene,
and brought the full weight of my will to bear down on some seriously epic pizza pie.
yup.
if you ca do more, you gotta, lest you fall prey to b!tchbaggery,
and that's not invited to my makeout party.
happily, this was a pizza party without any kisses on the program,
because dylan came over to experience the majesty of fried vegan-style crusty eggplant.
and you don't ever really want a two-dude eggplant party
without some clearly established guidelines.
ha!
check the teleport:

MELANZANA APIZZA FOR A-YOU EYE!!!!
wooooooo!!!!
the crust is crucial.
the toppings are tight and TILTY.
the herbs are fresh af.
and all of it is cooperating to crush every last tastebud into submission.
that's word.
look closer, man:

WOW!
eggplant is one of those things tha is either right or wrong,
and there's no in-between.
if you've got the touch (and i do) then you're a champ,
and you need to help others see the light and the truth and the glory.
or, at least, how to doo-doo that freaky sh!t correctly.
here's a glimpse:
pick small italian or graffiti eggplants.
slice 'em thin, and salt 'em and let 'em de-juice before rinsing all that bitterness away.
(funny how being salty makes eggplant less bitter, but has the opposite effect on me)
now, because we don't eff with eggs,
there needs to be a dredge that'll adhere to the outsides,
so that your herby-crusty breading will stick on there nicey-nice-
you need minutes on minutes for it to work, so plan ahead-
but, figure on these proportions:
-
*
eggplant 'egg'lessness for dipping
-
 1 cup non-dairy milk, + 4 tsp chia-flaxmeal blend, whisked in,
plus 1 T nootch, and 2 tsp lemon juice, all stirred and allowed to bloom and thicken.
tight.
-
and the dry bit:
1/4 cup flour;
3 T non-GMO organic corn starch;
1/2 cup crushed cornflakes;
1/4 cup crushed rice krispies;
1 T nootch;
GPOP, oregano, rosemary dried basil, black pepper, pink salt,
fire-roasted tomato-flakes, etc etc
-
you get the idea-
but you also need a pan with verrrrrry hot vegetable oil about 1/2" deep.
this is a shallow fry scenario, and you'll need to be careful, kids.
y'dip the eggplant, then you dredge the eggplant,
then you FRY the eggplant for like a minute or two on each side.
you're gonna want to remove them and place them on some sort of rack,
with paper towels to siphon off any extra oil.
we like 'em crisp, and soft inside, not slimy and sh!tty and full of fat.
you'll figure it out, just be careful with all that oil.
*
that's just step one.
you still need pizza dough, yo.
-
*
D'OH!
-
in your standalone standup mixer, dough hook equipped, knead together:
1 1/4 cups bread flour;
1 cup semolina flour;
1 T raw sugar;
1 tsp sea salt;
1 pkg fast-activated yeast;
3/4 cup warm water;
3 T olive oil;
2 T sourdough starter.
-
beat it up for 11 minutes straight,
and let it blow up under a towel until it's twice it's og size.
stretch it out however you want it to be-
i've been using a thin steel baking tray, seasoned with olive oil,
specially prepared for making the biggest pizza i can get from one batch of dough.
and as always the temperature is 480℉, with the baking stones in place
for thoroughly expert baking hottness.
-
here's the roster of awesomess, in order, for this pizza pie-
daiya chee' shreds, minced up exxxtra.
if you aren't chopping up your little chee' ribbons, you're an A-hole, and that's no joke.
it melts 2000% better if you do, and it looks 3000% sexxxier-
so use your knives, guys, and reap the benefits immediately.
then the eggplant, all savory and sensual and decadent-
fried sage, rubbed into slivers;
fresh rosemary;
dry-fried mushrooms. baby bellas, browned on both sides with salt and pepper, and that's it;
two shallots, sliced up lengthwise, so they're pretty in pinkish purple;
sweet baby tomatoes;
fried garlic sprankles...obvi. i mean, rules is rules.
and that miyoko cashew mozzarella to make it exxxtra-good.
and when it came out of the oven steamy and crusty and perfect?
fresh thyme and oregano and hand-torn basil for the sprankle victory.
that's a LOT for one pizza, but it was worth every exxxtra step.
i already said it twice, but i'll go all magic-number on you:
too much is the right amount.
why would you want less?
i wouldn't, i couldn't, i won't, and i don't.
***********
i love pizza.
i never get tired of it.
i also love not being a dumpy piece of sh!t,
but those two things might be at odds with each other.
so, what do i do?
there's only so many hours in the day,
so how much more active can i get to offset all the pizza i wanna eat?
i'm not sure, but at my present rate of pizza consumption,
i'm gonna need an answer ASAP.
i'm NOT tryna look like a real bummer naked.
....or at least, not any worse than what's already going on.
i'll figure something out because i've got to.
there's so much more italian-style bread-heavy big action on my menu,
so something's gotta adapt,
or else the expansion of my menu will correlate to the expansion
of my waistline.
ugh.
there's only one option that seems feasible: do MORE.
that's what i've been saying this whole time;
never quiet, never soft.....

IN-BETWEENS!

mexican monday or taco tuesday?
i'm not sure which is invited, because i sorta spanned over into both in one meal.
sound good?
tight.
well, then, let's keep it going: how about crabtree crapcheeks?
hmm? oh, you no idea what that is??
then lemme tell you-
that's when your dog exxplodes in every direction,
for the however-manyieth time this year,
after eating something dreaded and deadly.......again....
in an attempt to take himself out of the equation permanently.
sound good?
no?
you're definitely NOT interested?
weird. i guess maybe that's just exclusively my lucky burden.
nice.
i was home early, but not early enough to prevent a barbecues butthole
from basting the dog and his surroundings in sh!t.
a serious decontamination, and a secondary wipedown, later,
and a long, soapy shower for the milky boi and myself,
and finally, dinner was ready to get underway.
surprisingly, my enthusiasm was diminished somewhat.
crazy, right?
i know.
ANYway, i still got into some things, despite my appetite being dampened
by prior doo-doo buttery doings.
ugh.
-
after a day that should've been a day OFF,
which turned into 5 hours of tattooing instead,
coming home to a disasterpiece cleanup extravaganza was lame.
however,
flatbread flap-bread tortillas gordos did kind of save the day.
check the teleport:

ALLLLLL THE PEPPERS!
that's habanero, jalapeno, poblano, serrano, and sweet baby bell,
sauteed in a glug of olive oil with sweet onion, exxxtra-firm tofu, sweet potato,
and all the right seas'nin's- GPOP, oregano, cumin, coriander seed, hot paprika,
smoked paprika, ho'sauce, cilantro stalks, and lime by the squeezeful!
one pan is all you need.
in fact, prior to all the goods, i even fried up those flattie breads, too-
flour, water, salt, olive oil, and baking soda are all it takes.
how much of each?
i dunno.
i effed it up, and has to keep adding sh!t.
ha.
i'm not perfect by a long shot, neighbors,
but i do what i can to correct my mistakes.
in the end, i had a pair of perfect thiqqq-thickies to stuff with stuff.
so, it ended up being dope, and i'm okay with that.
with shredded purple cabbage, and lots of leafy cilantro,
tomato, radish, and AVO-F*ING-cado, bro.
mmmmhmmmm.
for being a thrown together hot mess, it was also muy experte.
i'll take that, gladly.
-
y'all ever just throw it all in one place, and cross your fingers?
i'm not sad about it.
and when it works, you feel like you've got the touch.
and as far as things i touched yesterday,
those two tacoish treats were the most satisfying part.
no foolin'.
***********
today is the day.
...again.
it always is, really.
the future is nowhere,
and the past is occurring just as fast as the present is passing it,
which is instantaneous, isn't it?
so, there's just this and that's all.
nate got me thinking about it,
and now i'm wondering if the fickle and finite nature of time is totally subjective,
and the infinite nature of our selves is absolute in it's determinism of the imaginary future.
maybe i just woke up too early,
or maybe this is a pre-walk existential crisis,
or maybe i'm just fired up on irish breakfast tea?
here's where i'm at-
it's all really happening but by the time you notice, it's already happened.
which means that a storied past is the only way to know
that your present self did anything right.
i guess that means it's juggernautical berserker navigation
of the white-water of my grey matter,
as i crash across perception, interpretation, and action, all F*ing day long.
today is the day, again,
a nowhere future, a crescendo of overlapping presences in the present,
and a past that forecasts the next step in the sequence.
it's right now or never;
never quiet, never soft.....

THE START

the start of something good.
^^^that's how the morning should feel.
i feel like that's how i do it.
i'm always surprised by late risers and folks who'd rather waste time by sleeping in.
i mean,
i hear about people who press their snooze alarm ten times in a flippin' row,
and grudgingly roll out of bed into a surly slow-moving coffee-based
search-and-destroy routine that involves bleary eyes, foggy heads,
and all sorts of lollygagging and grumbling...
that ain't me, man.
nope.
i'm a morning person,
a brunchtime barbarian,
an afternoon acrobat,
an evening expert,
AND a nighttime werewolfen warior poet.
i'm an ALWAYS person,
and i'm up and at 'em from sunrise until well past the darkest hour.
that's my thing.
and when my eyes open up, before first light, i'm ready to start something good.
...and that's exactly what i do-
reading, writing, corresponding, scheduling, banking, baking, making,
exercising, and energizing-
all that happens before 9am.
...and that's when i walk the dog for a few miles through the woodsly goodness,
before i go to work all damned day long, every damned day of the week.
on the ones, neighbors, i feel like i should be doing so much MORE.
so,
who are all these lay-in-bed bummers,
and more importantly, how do they think that they're doing enough?
right?
i mean, c'mon- good enough is NOT enough,
and on top of that: too much is the right amount, man.
that's a thing.
seriously, every night i go to bed tired af,
upset with myself for investing so much time into responsible pet ownership,
and not making nearly enough time to pursue productive pasttimes after 9pm.
i could be cleaning up,
i could be crafting some kind of custom creations,
i could be crushing a few chapters of a new novel-
but, honestly, i spend a few hours unraveling the day's common and uncommon threads,
in order to detangle the events that've shaped the hours,
and weave a new narrative from what i've experienced and learned.
yuck.
that time might be better spent chopping wood for all i know.
but that's not what's happening
nope.
real-life documentarianism is hard at work in the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress, friends.
so, there's that to consider before sleep can be allowed.
BUT,
the start of something good is where we began,
and that's where we'll resume.
what's for breakfast?
coconut lemon coffee cake.
yup.
holy F*ing sh!t, bro.
my coffeecake game has long been on a new york grandma level,
but with the lemon, and the coconut?
it went all the way, right away, to eleven and beyond.
word.
check the teleport:

SOLID GOLD!
and that streusel?
you already know y'boi effs with some next-level streus' for sure-
but even still- y'all ain't ready for crOmbly sprankles like that, f'real.
how moist and fluffy and rich and thick is the cake?
i don;t even know how one thing can be so many things at once.
the lemon is tight, the coconut is right, and the combination had me
gong back for thirds and fourths, b.
that's no joke.
it just had such a so fresh and so clean bite, every time.
mmmmmmmmm.
y'want some?
it's over at AMPERSAND TATTOO waiting patiently for you.
oh?
that's not a trip you wanna make? that's cool, i didn't wanna see you anyway-
hmm?
oh, okay, then-
here's how to do it at home:
-
*
LEMONOCONUT COFFEECAKE!
-
preheat your oven to 350℉
-
grease up a pan, buddy- i always use those springforms,
because i always like those springforms,
but you do whatever you want, as long as it's 9 or more inches.
(that's what she said)
-
in a medium mixing bowl, cream together:
1 stick vegan butts;
1/2 tsp salt;
>1 cup raw sugar;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/2 lemon's zest;
2 T lemon juice.
combine completely, and stir in:
2/3 cup non-dairy yogurt.
next add;
1/2 cup medium flake shredded unsulphured coconut;
2 1/4 cups flour;
2 tsp bakey powder;
1 tsp bakey soda;
3/4 cup non-dairy milk.
stir it up, spoon it into your pan, and level it off-
next, in the same scraped-clean bowl,
chop together:
4 T vegan butts;
1 cup quick oats;
1/4 cup oat flour;
1/4 cup powdered sugar;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/2 lemon zest;
1/4 cup shredded coconut.
fork it all until it clumps together when gently squeezed,
which is how kickass streusel is made.
kaBOOM.
that's the truth!
bake that bad baby b!tch for like, 40 or more minutes.
(the streus' seals it up, and steams it for that grammie-style crumb)
make sure it's baked through,
but also, serve yourself a slice before it cools all the way to room temp.
no, really, slightly warm coffeecake is not something you want to miss out on.
it's revelatory, kid.
you'll see.
***********
the start of something good.
that's an enticing idea.
you wake up, you do what you do,
and moreover, you do what needs doing,
and while you're doing your best at all of it, you're getting better all the time.
i like that.
ever-increasing ever-expanding inclusion is ON the menu.
so is coffeecake.
and so is MORE of ALL of it,
as it unfolds outwards into infinite options and opportunities.
that's because when you're an always person,
you're always headed forward,
because rules is rules, and always doesn't take days off;
never quiet, never soft.....

RAVIOLI PARTY!

long-time clients at a tattoo studio are great.

they know about your life, you know about their life-

you're close to each other, you care about each other,

and you have a trusting relationship.

that's all good stuff.

it's better for new clients to see the practiced ease and confidence

that old-timers have in a studio setting as well-

that sort of comfortable familiarity puts everybody at ease,

and brings the overall mood up a few notches,

so that we're all included and involved and working together to have a good time.

the environment is important, man.

yes, the work has to be tip-top-notch, or you're fired-

but, the experience is as important as the outcome-

which is why i was in high spirits yesterday-

good tattoos, on good dudes, and good times at AMPERSAND TATTOO

were all in F*ing full effect, and it affected me positively- 

so much so i was fully inspired to create a masterpiece pasta dinner.

uh-huh.

after zip-zapping on nothing but menfolk all day, i needed to cleanse my palate

with some freshie-fresh italiano hottness of my own design.

that's real.

while i appreciate all the time i spanned with my clients,

and i remain grateful for the opportunity to create unique 

and interesting pictures ON them as the way to earn a living,

which i recognize and acknowledge as a privilege i won't take for granted,

i still need to make things that are fully formed from my own mind, man;

word.

all y'all can get what you want from me during regular business hours- 

but when the day is done, and the door is locked, 

and i get home to crabtree the dog, 

and the test kitchen at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress, 

that time is MY time, and what i'm making is molto italiano, and 

magnifico like you read about.

y'feel me? well, you should- check the formuoli-type teleport:

RAVIOLI! RAVIOLI!! RAVIOOOOOOLI!!!!

dudes,

foldover flaps, pan-fried in browned vegan butter,

and tossed with white balsamic vinegar?!?

i do not ever want to have budget storebought ravs, bruh.

and after a bowl like this? i doubt i could choke those lesser jauns down at gunpoint.

real talk.

they're stuffed to the limit with sweet potato, spinach, rosemary, garlic, 

and miyoko mozzarella-

the dough is my classic semolina supersexxxiness.

and the exxxtras? 

too much is the right amount, buddy. 

there's no other way.

here's all the details for you to drool over:

C'MON!

it started with the dough-

-

*

RAVIDOUGH!

-

1 cup semolina flour;

1 1/2 cups a.p. flour;

1 tsp salt;

3 T olive oil;

>1 cup warm water.

kneaded into oblivion in an uprighteous stand-up mixer with a dough hook on it-

rested and allowed to do it's thing, 

before being rolled and cut into 3" circles on a verrry well-floured surface-

-

a big ol' pot of salty water got boilin', whilst the filling was activated on the stovetop-

-

*

SWEETPOTATOSPINACHSTUFFIN'!

-

in a small sauce pot, with aglug's worth of olive oil,

saute:

1 1/4 cups minced sweet potato, skin-on for exxxtra vitamins.

2 cloves of crushed garlic;

1/2 tsp rosemary;

1 T nutritional yeast;

1/2 tsp ea. GPOP.

let all that simmer and sizzle, then drizzle in:

4 tsp white wine vinegar;

pink salt and black pepper,

and 3 cups of shredded spinach (which cooks down to a thimbleful, it seems).

let the potato steam and soften up, then set it all aside to cool,

or your filled pouches will suck sh!t and disintegrate, which is NOT invited.

-

a pinch of that sexxxy miyoko exxxpensive cashew mozzarella,

a spoonful of the stuffin',

and a little moisture to close the semi-circles, 

with fork-crimps to assure maxxximized seal, 

is all that had to happen to make that part of the program a complete triumph.

tight.

but,

after boiling them until they were afloat,

and draining them with a spider (there were 30+ ravioli)

i dropped each and everyone of them into a big fat hot pan, 

with 3 T browned vegan earth balance butter waiting to sizzle onto their skins.

......do you have any idea how expert that is?

well, it all got turned up much much more after that.

yup.

the piping hot, buttery ravs then got flipped and turned upside-down 

and tossed around in a tablespoon or two of balsamic bianco, broski.

yup.

white balsamic-glazed turbo-hottness goes to eleven, neighbors.

trust me, or try it yourself, but either way you'll agree,

this brand new-new is the TRUTH.

mmmmmmmmmmmm.

is that all?

no way. don't be dumb.

you saw the pictures, already-

we got freshie-fresh baby basil leaves everywhere.

there's toasted walnuts, which really added some superheroic strength to the dish.

and blistered tomatoes for the ultimate winner's circle experience.

yeah.

baby tomatoes blown up in a shallow bath of boiling water.

they're soft, they're cooked, but they're also largely intact, 

so they burst and exxxplode and generally activated the ultimate in delicious dopeness.

now, is THAT all?

nope.

i told you- too much is the right amount.

and that's why there's a few cloves' worth of fried garlic sprankles.

that's how you doo-doo the freakiest sh!t...

crispy af, tight as hell, and terrifically expert.

DASSIT!

***********

there's something in the air.

i don't know what it is, exactly.

pollen? pheromones? i dunno.

but it's definitely SOMEthin', 

and it's circulating around the woodsly goodness.

wherever i go, i can feel it. 

like i'm breathing in lust and dust and hunger and hot fire all at once.

it could be summertime,

it could be unbridled and unrivaled passion pouring out of my own pores, even,

but it is for sure NOT bike week.

booooooooooo.

it's that time of year again where every single bummer of a person who owns 

a gas-powered two-wheeler shows up to suck super hard at being alive.

man,

it's awful.

loud mobs of losers wearing dead cows and goatees all waving at each other

in between stops for hamburgers.

not dope.

not one bit.

meanwhile, i'm inhaling some sort of barbarian passionfruit essence,

and these dum-dums are trying to ruin it.

i'm not gonna let 'em,

and i'm also probably not gonna tattoo 'em.

i'm booked with those repeat clients anyway,

and besides, 

i'm pretty sure we're sold out of whatever they're looking for, 

and that's no joke;

never quiet, never soft.....

HOMEMADE TASTES BETTER!

i will never ever ever stop eating pizza.
y'hear me?
there's nothing in this world i find nearly as rewarding
as a hot slice (or five) of homemade pizza, piping hot and fresh from out
of a raging roaring oven.
that's my simplest and greatest pleasure.
pizza is the TRUTH, neighbors, and i'm a truth-teller extraordinaire.
all the parts, all the components, all the constituent elements of a well-prepared pizza
work in harmonious unison to activate the greatest sense of well-being
that my tiny little brain can comprehend.
no, for real.
how can one food be such a triumph?
i'm sayin'- crust, sauce (or not!) chee' (or not) and stuff on top....
a crusty bread circle or rectangle or deep dish.
it doesn't matter- becausewhatever combination you employ, it's all so expert.
and that's why i love it so much.
regardless of how much you mess around with the formula,
it's still pizza, and it's still dope.
that's word.
i get into some real-time real-life really-real pizza scenarios,
and every time, i'm slightly surprised at how hard y'boi brings the noise-
that's no joke.
it's like i'm some sort of pizza genius.
ha. what? no. i'm not bragging.
it's just a thing. check the teleport:

PEE EYE ZEE ZEE AYY!!!!!!
hooray for F*ing pizza, bro.
do we have two kinds of vegan mozzarella on this bad b!tch?
yep.
weird dylan came through with a pair of tasty ones, and we used both.
y'know why?
uh-huh- because too much is the right amount.
so shoutouts to daiya shreds, minced even finer for maxxximum melt,
and to miyoko for being expensive and pretty flippin' good, too.
y'like those fresh mozz blops? so did we.
and that's homemade sauce, not just crushed tomatoes, buddy.
yeah. dylan brought the chee', and requested massive exxxtra sauce activation.
so i made some spicy fra daviolo jauns for his face,
and we used a holy heck-ton on there.
yeah, man, the sauce game was on FIRE-
-
*
SAUCE!
-
1/4 cup minced onion;
3 T finely shredded carrot;
3 cloves crushed garlic;
1 T olive oil.
sauteed until slightly browned, and hooked up with:
1 T white wine vinegar;
2 T nootch;
1 tsp ea. GPOP;
black pepper, parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme, oregano, basil, red pepper flakes.
and 1 can crushed tomatoes,
all simmered and bubbled and steeped in it's own juicy flavor until the oven was hot,
and the dough was proofed, and the truth was right there waiting for me.
-
speaking of the dough:
-
*
PIZZZZZZZAZZ!
-
stand mixer/doughhook/ low speed:
1 cup semolina;
1 1/2 cup bread flour;
1 tsp raw sugar;
1 tsp sea salt;
1 cup warm water;
3 T vegan butterish;
1 pkg superfast-actin' yeast.
beat it up forever. like 11 minutes, and let it rise for twentyish?
stretch it and stretch it, and arrange it on an oiled tray, and let it rise some more.
don't add sauce until the oven's hot, b.
otherwise you get the sogs, and those are for sh!t.
remember that, and you'll be a champ at pizza time, every time.
*
guys,
i know that life isn't all recipes and pizzas-
but if it WAS, though?
i'd be the most successful, and i might even be happy.
instead, i've just got all the best pizza, and that's something, anyway.
caramelized onion? check✔
semi-steamed seared broccoli?✔
homemade tempeh bacon bits? double check.✔✔
fried garlic sprankles?✔
c'mon. rule is rules after all.
and that tempeh bacon? all the way expert-
i had the marinade on deck, and the flavor profile turned waaay up-
ho'sauce, tamari, agave, GPOP, smoke hot paprika, black pepper, oil, and water,
to hydrate prior to caramelizing.
y'ever make that stuff?
you should-
it's pretty much an eyeballed concoction in a hot pan,
soaking into and onto all that fermented soybean sexxxiness.
i'd give it a shot if i were you.
i gave it a shot and i'm NOT you, so i'm probably telling the truth.
-
but, like, was that all there was?
no way.
there's no such thing as enough add-ons, guys.
we also had:
fresh basil, and fresh oregano, and arugula, and scallion sprankles?
F* yes.
MORE exxxtras equals MORE awesomeness,
and this one had about as much awesomeness as the pan could handle.
... i love pizza so so SO much.
every. single. time.
it never gets old.
it never lets me down.
and it never leaves me without also nourishing me.
i appreciate that.
***********
busy businessman sh!t.
that's what i'm on about.
my last day off was in mid april.
that's no joke.
it feels like forever.
the thing is: what the eff else would i do?
my purpose is to be a singularly hard-working ever-present perpetual motion machine.
down time is NOT invited.
yard work is NOT invited.
vacation is NOT invited.
what i need is bigger, better, faster, louder, harder, and MORE.
when i get far enough on the productivity spectrum that i can slow down
and still be ahead of schedule?
that's when i'll start to find pursuits that don;t pummel me down a bit more every day.
y'ever see great expectations?
i'm just assuming you didn't read the book, because i mean, c'mon,.
wait- you did, and you DID?
wow. who even are you?
well,
there's a goal-oriented validation fixation going on in that story
that i feel kindred kinship to deep in my bones.
worthiness is relative, but the sights i've set are lofty,
and the time i have to get it all in is limited.
it's all really happening, but i'm not sure i'm doing it right.
i need more minutes, i need more moments, i need to get better, be better,
and do MORE.
days off will have to wait until i've got that tangibly big fatty-boombattie gigante deluxxury
at my disposal.
good enough is not enough,
and there's nobody who's gonna give me what i want,
so i'm obliged to get after it all by my lonesome;
never quiet, never soft.....

COOKIEMONSTROUS!

chocolate cookies, dude.
crispy chocolate chocolate-glazed chocolate chip cookies.
yup.
a busy busy friday calls for busy busy blocks of sock-rockin' cacao cookie hottness.
yeah, man, that's real.
i've been making my cookies a little smaller- just a baby bit,
and just so i can make even MORE cookies,
because i want to eat alll the cookies.....
mmmmm.
check the teleport:

BLACKER AND CRUNCHIER AND MORE AWESOME THAN EVER!
y'want some of this sweet stuff?
you do?
come thru, b.
oh, you're not trying to see me?
ok.
but, then, would you like to make your own, instead?
yeah?
here's how:
-
*
CHOCOCHOCOCACAOCHOXXX
-
preheat your oven to 375℉
-
in an aesthetically-pleasing medium-sized metal mixing bowl,
cream together:
1 stick vegan butter;
>1 cup raw sugar;
1/2 tsp salt;
1 tsp vanilla.
thoroughly mash that up, and stir in:
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce;
1/2 cup raw sexxxy cacao;
3 T agave or maple syrup.
next, fire up the mini chocolate chips (i used 2/3 bag, however much that is....
i like chocolate chips, i like not measuring, i like cookies, i like you);
and mix in:
2 cups flour;
1/3 cup oat flour;
1.4 cup crushed unsulphured unsweetened coconut flakes.
knead it up, blend it all nicey-nice, so it's uniformly mixed,
and make little baby balls out of every last drop of that dough, yo.
i hand-flattened 'em,
since all that cacao makes them sorta stiff.
they hold their shape like champions because of it, so unless you want little nuggies
with raw centers and no sex appeal, y'gotta squish 'em a bit.
-
i got 3 dozen out of that bowl, and i baked 'em for like 15 minutes?
they are crisp, they are crunchy, they are rich af,
and they are 100% expert, neighbors.
i also activated some new-style ganache drizzlers, too.
yeah. that's a new thing.
2 T cocoa butter;
2 T cacao;
1 tsp vanilla;
2 T s'milk;
2 T powdered sugar;
1/4 cup dark chocolate chips-
that's tempered and untempered chocolate, working in unison
to make something better than either.
...tight.
oh, and nonpareil rainbow mini-dot sprankles.
YEAH!
y'can't just be a lil bihhh, and skip those cute sprankles, bro...
rules is rules, right?
that's the truth.
***********
so i made cookies.
and i ate a lot of cookies.
and i did a whole bunch of tattoos.
and i talked a whole lot of sh!t allllllll day long.
mmhmmm.
that's how i operate.
big broad strokes of big, fat, loud, fresh, hardness for your face.
y'know?
i say the things i think, i think about the things i feel, i feel like i'm onto something,
and all of it is really happening.
i'm over here sharing righteous vegan baked greats (baked goods aren't enough),
and i'm sharing my perspective with the captive but not-so captivated audience
of AMPERSAND TATTOO clients.
and i don't even feel the least bit sorry.
i mean, c'mon-
i'm ranting and raving and rambling in every direction,
but you get to munch up on some of those cookies while it all goes down.
the cookies are better than alternative viewpoints on all the things you like,
which i almost certainly dislike,
just like they're fantastic examples of how to make a cookie
that isn't an inhumanly inconsiderate piece of sh!t.
you get it.
you've got it.
you like it;
never quiet, never soft.....

HOT SPICE!!

thai thursday!
i doo-doo that spicy sh!t, and it does something for me.
wordimus prime...
i even had company over, which was tight-
...yup.
sharing is caring, man- so i guess i was pretty busy caring yesterday.
check it out:

YEAH!!
all the usual exxxtras are here in full effect-
two-tone sossamon sesame sprankles!
scallion and cilantro and basil sprankles!!
cashew sprankles!!!
radishes and cucumbers and lettuce and purple effing cabbage!
jasmine rice, and orange-hearted purple carrots!
that's all good.
then, there's all that stir-fried hottness...
sesame oil in a hot pan smells fantastic-
and grilled cabbage is pretty rad, too.
sweet potato is also freakin' awesome, man.
so when that's sizzlin' away, you're almost obligated to go further
with all the veggie goodness, and boost it up with MORE of everything.
that's real.
so, that's what i did, because i keep it real in this kitchen.
we got tomatoes, we got red onion, we got baby kale.
there's sweet peppers, hot peppers, more purple cabbage, minced garlic,
and fresh-skin-on ginger, plus purple carrot, and cilantro stems-
...and then there's the muh-fuhhhh sauce, bro.
because a hot fire sauce is the key to expert activation.
-
you know the basics already, because i am predictable in that regard:
1 T sriracha;
2 tsp sesame oil;
2 T rice vinegar;
2 T tamari;
1/2 tsp ea. GPOP, ground mustard, dried ginger, ground coriander;
black pepper, sriracha flakes, dried basil and cilantro by eye, guys;
2 T mae ploy sweet chili sauce;
1 T light agave;
2 T lime juice.
stirred, and whisked, and shaken and doused on those veggies,
lidded and allowed to steam a bit....
-
neighbors, here's the thing:
i was entertaining, i was adding water to the pan to soften the sweet potatoes,
i was all over the effing place-
what did i do, exxxactly?
i made some radical gluten-free spicy thai bowls.
beyond that, it was rote muscle memory and controlled chaos.
i just kept stirring the pot, or the pan, really, and adding more purple stuff.
too much is the right amount,
that's all i kept thinking while i attempted to be engaging and inclusive,
but also,
while i repped that cooking-show-style island-divided audience vs author vibe.
y'all stay on that side of the kitchen, and let y'boi do his thing.
that's more to my liking,
let me loose, and stay out of my way,
and i promise i'll find some way to include you in the bigger picture.
like- sorry, and also, you're welcome, if you catch my drift.
yeah.
***********
it's always a series of checks and balances, buddy.
y'know?
it all costs something, and if you aren't prepared to pay?
then you can't have it.
that's how i look at all of my interactions throughout every day.
y'ever meet somebody so perfect, except for that ONE enormous obstacle?
that's pretty cool, huh?
how about the infinitely available, but otherwise incompatible individuals
who deserve the attention of someone who syncs into their rhythm,
but who want to try to match up with your flow?
that's almost worse, right?
so, if there's somebody expert but inaccessible,
that's superior,
even if only because that's confirmation of the existence
of real-time real-life active participants and worthy warrior poets...
...even if they're not for you.
in my eyes,
it's better to know they're out there,
independently operating at level-eleven excellence.
the alternative is to assume that everybody is not that,
and everybody is a whole unholy helluva lotta bodies to be out of step with.
that's the truth.
so here i am, these days.
with less of what's good, but comforted knowing that there's good out there,
i'm not alone, i'm lonely,
i'm home, and i'm homely,
it's all really happening,
and that's the whole point;
never quiet, never soft.....

LONELY? 'LONIS!

making dinner every night,
and making it all fancy and sh!t,
just for your own damned self,
is kinda nice.
also, it's kind of a bummer.
y'know?
i mean,
yeah, for sure, i should treat myself well, and indulge in these beautiful,
nourishing, satisfying and visually molto sexxxy meals-
but,
sharing those moments has proven to be much more enjoyable;
...even though i only get to munch up a portion, rather than the whole.
that's real.
i still get deep into the dopeness, and i still immerse myself in the process
of creation and crafty craftsmanship, i'm just sayin'-
it's weird that i'm home alone making food y'all only eat with your eyes.
that's what i do, that's what you do, that'show it goes.
last night,
i was feeling especially inventive and attentive,
so i went in hard on the multi-tiered complicated procedures,
just so i could have something especially expert for my fat F*ing face.
uh-huh.
check the tortelloni-type teleport:

THESE JAUNS ARE BIG AF!
y'got your sweet potato soupy stuff;
y'got your semolina pasta pockets;
y'got your brussies browned up;
really, you're all set if you're set up with this sort of stuff....
and i was, and i am, and that's IT.
mmmm.
-
it all starts with homemade pasta dough-
and that's so easy, you'll give yourself a little kick for not making some sooner-
-
*
PASTA DOUGH!
-
in your stand mixer, combine, and knead:
1 cup semolina flour;
1/2 tsp salt;
1/2 cup a.p. flour;
3 T olive oil;
2/3 cup warm water.
- use your dough hook, beat it up for ten minutes or so,
wrap it and rest it, and get all the other other stuff ready,
before rolling the dough out on a well floured surface,
into as many 3" circles as you think you'll need to satisfy your hunger, holmes.
uh-huh.
i made 16, and i was full as heck, but still have enough dough for 16 MORE.
maybe tonight's the night? or maybe it's thai thursday, bro.
who knows? anything could happen.
*
ANYway-
i made some pretty tight filling for these F*ers, too:
-
*
that's a cup of beans- it doesn't matter what kind-
i had small red kidney-style dudes left from taco time, so i just used those-
plus a shallot, a fat clove of crushed garlic,
and two man-hand-sized fistfuls of arugula,
all wilted up and sauteed in olive oil, with lemon juice and black pepper.
what size pan? i dunno, kid- a medium one?
use your judgement, you've almost certainly cooked before-
what you end up with is a burly batch of caramelized hottness, soft, sharp greenery,
and heavy-duty toothsome textural manliness for your mouth.
is it fast and fresh to death? yes!
how about powerfully flavorful? of course!
ok. but is it perfect for pouching up?
don't be dumb, duder- it was a match made in heaven.
i'm lucky that my intuition is on point when it's time to get it poppin'
in this Folk Life & Liberty Fortress test kitchen laboratory.
that's no joke.
in most other situations, my first through fourth instincts are pretty terrible,
so at least at dinnertime, even when i'm flying solo, (which is basically always)
i know that what i'm stirring up is gonna be diabolically decadent,
and that's good news for people who love good food.
y'know- people like us, man.
yep.
a spoonful in the center of those semolina circles, a pinch, a flip, and squeeze,
and a little time to settle down,
while a big ol' pot of salty water reached a roiling rolling boil
*
how about those brussels, bro?
that's halves in a drop of olive, and a splash of water,
fried up to a golden sin on the cut side on high heat,
and glazed with a teaspoon of tamari when they're soft and green on the shell side.
that's it....so simple, but essential to activating the bigger picture.
tight.
*
smoky sweet potato soup?
i guess that's what's up.
i'mean, c'mon- what else would i wanna drop my torties into?
i had two cups of vegetable broth;
1 tsp ea Garlic Powder Onion Powder;
1 T nootch;
1/2 a large sweet potato, skin on, cubed up, and orange as heck;
1/4 red onion;
1/2 tsp sage & thyme;
a dash of oregano;
a splash of white wine vinegar;
and a tablespoon of smoked paprika.
simmered until those sweet potatoes are soft,
then puree the sh!t out of it.
i used my trusty stick mixer, a.k.a immersion blender,
but a blender or food processor would've been just as good.
the important part is to make it smooth,
so it spoons up exxxtra nice with a fat-butt tortie.
-
guys,
y'gotta put it all together so it looks all kinds of nicey-nice-
that meant MORE arugula,
AND fire-roasted tomato flake sprankles,
AND toasted sunflower seed sprankles...
too much is the right amount, neighbors...
and if you aren't going hard on those exxxtras, you aren't doing it right.
i ate it all myself.
that was awesome.
i ate it all myself.
that was a little sad.
i ate it all myself.
that was NOT the only option, but it was the one i chose.
everything is always MORE and less with me.
***********
y'ever meet somebody so attractive that they make you want to exercise more?
no? yes? maybe?
ha.
i'm telling you- it isn't every day that that happens,
and it usually isn't something that matters in practical application.
but, sometimes, though, it DOES happen; and when that is a thing?
an acre of sweet potatoes and tortelloni are the site-specific opposite
of what i think is the best course of action-
except,
they're SO good, they offset the fear of physical loneliness until the bowl is empty,
and the bellyhole is so F*ing full-
there's just a short bout of regret once they're all stashed safely away inside my body-
because once they're IN there, there's no point in worrying anymore-
what's done is done, and what's next has to be smarter.... 
for me, being old and busted has always motivated me to be more productive,
more capable, and competently communicative-
i play to my strengths, none of which are located on my hairline or my waistline-
however,
as summertime hovers around the periphery of these forty-something degree temperatures?
this june has given us all a little exxxtra time to maybe look less like a pod of whales,
and more like hominids, no matter how homely...
i'm not getting naked in font of anybody any time soon,
so hopefully between now and that undetermined far-off date,
i can make a few adjustments to my daily routine,
and shape up into something slightly more desirable than what i'm currently representing.
and if not,
i know there will be plenty of expert dinnertime troughs set up to sooth and salve my
shark-gluttonous home-aloneliness-
that's a win-win scenario.
the more repellent i get, the less of this amazing food i have to share;
OR, the more i share the more tolerable i may become;
never quiet, never soft.....

TACO TUESDAY!

i wasn't gonna.
...but i did.
yeah.
taco tuesday happened, again.
it had to, i s'pose: rules is rules, an' that.
i thought about taking it easy,
but instead i went hard, just like always.
that's my move, dudes.
i didn't even want tacos, and i wasn't even hungry...
but i still did the thing the way that i do,
and took tacos to eleven on that 1-10 chart.
huh?
well,
i toasted some soft flour tortillas, to crisp 'em up,
but i do not ever ever ever F* with those crawnchy hard shell jauns.
that's a fact, and that's the truth, and that's non-negotiable.
y'better miss me with that bullsh!t, bro.
however,
you can come through with some of THIS whenever you want:

TOFU AND PINK BEANS AND PICO AND PICK'S!!!!
woooooooooooooord.
no, for really-real.
look at this new hottness:

C'MON!
the tofu? spicy, smoky, sexxxy, and succulent.
the beans? hearty, savory, thiqqq, and rich.
that pico? so much lime and garlic, your face will melt (with satisfaction)!!
mmmmmmmmm.
-
let's talk about those quick mixed pickled veggies, neighbors-
a radish, a couple carrots, red onion, and garlic,
all barely covered in apple cider vinegar, with a dash of salt and sugar,
and a generous squeeze of lime juice,
boiled up until soft, and served as the perfect compliment to all that taco magic.
-
the beans were on point, too-
a cup-ish of small reddish pinkish beans with a glug of olive oil on medium heat,
with scallions, and oregano and GPOP,
a scoop of fire-roasted tomato flakes, a punch of fresh cilantro...
how simple is that? how tasty is that?
well, it gets better-
because then you toss the whole thing in a fat spoonful of chipotle chili pepper powder,
and let it soak up all that sabor de soledad!
TIGHT,.
-
the tofu was fired up in a very very hot pan, man.
with GPOP, coriander, cumin, oregano, smoked hot paprika, black pepper, and lime juice.
seems simple enough, right? it IS.
one flip, and patience is all that's required.
then, a heavy heaping helping of ho'sauce.
i'm a texas pete man myself, so i loaded it on,
and let it sear itself onto each slab of that exxxta firm tofu.
i don't know how hungry you are, but i used half a block, and i ate it all, y'all.
uh-huh.
too much is the right amount.
-
are those pepitas?
of course they are!
what do you think i am?
some kind of an A*-hole?
no way, josé.
on the ones, i gets it IN with the seeds, y'feel me?
olive oil, pumpkin pits, black pepper, sriracha flakes, and once they start to pop a bit?
they get glazed with agave and removed form the heat.
that's sprankle sorcery, and it made these tacos into something special af.
-
then there's lettuce, and purple cabbage, and that pico perfecto, too.
yup.
salt and peppery baby tomatoes, with red onion, garlic, cilantro, scallion, and lime.
you really can't eff it up.
but if you do?
get off the planet, kid; you're fired.
-
tacos are on the menu. they're on the schedule. they have a standing invitation.
they're very welcome and they're always appreciated.
i wasn't gonna, like i said, but i'm glad i did, and that's no joke.
***********
if these clouds clear up,
me and my damned dumb dirty dog will be headed out into the trees.
it's cold enough that the bugs might not be out.
i'll take that as a sign of what kind of a day we're likely to have.
there's plenty to do.
there's no time for all of it, so we'll prioritize, and leave the rest alone.
if you're getting my attention, and i'm giving it to you,
that says a lot.
because i'm pressed for time and i'm pushed to the limits....
i'm grateful for the folks i want to span my days with,
and i'm just as grateful when they span 'em here with me.
it's all really happening, and that's the whole point;
never quiet, never soft.....

FANCY CRUMBS

coconut lemon chai, guys.
that's something especially expert that i just stumbled upon.
and there's no going back now that it's a thing, either.
i wanted to bake up an in-absentia berfday party cake for my very best buddy,
since he's in wyoming with his family,
and i'm here, with just this F*ing dog and nobody else to celebrate with.
i figured that while he's out west trying to keep it low key on his big day,
i'd keep doing what i do, and go hard on some new-new, and get a little fancy
with it while i was at it.
here's what happened:

COCONUT. LEMON. CHAI. CAAAAAAAKE!!
neighbors, are you not reading that right?
you should be more excited about this, because it changed the way i think about cake.
mmhmmm.
unfortunately, the cold,damp, dreary, lugubrious weather distracted me just enough
that i was whole-cloth fabricating a recipe, with imprecise measurements
and eyeballed amounts-
i'll give you my best guess, and you go ahead and adjust it as you see fit, okay?
okay!
oooohhhh-kaaaaaaaaay-
-
*
CAKE IS WHAT WE BAKE!
-
preheat the oven to 350℉
-
grease two 6" springform jauns (i LOVE springforms, bro, fight me)
-
in your trusty stand-up mixer, with the cake paddle on,
cream together:
5 T vegan butter;
1/2 cup raw sugar;
1/4 tsp salt;
1/3 cup coconut yogurt;
2 'bengal spice' decaf chai tea sachets;
1 tsp vanilla;
juice of 1/2 lemon;
1/2 lemon's zest.
whip that into a frenzy-
add 2 T lemon juice to 2/3 cup non-dairy milk, set aside.
sift in;
1 tsp bakey powder;
1 tsp bakey soda;
2 cups flour;
1/2 cup medium-flake unsweetened coconut.
add the s'milk-
whisk into the fluffiest batter and spread evenly between the two pans-
bake for 30 minutes, and allow to cool completely before frosting.
SO expert.
that's lemon betterthanevercreme frosting in the middle and on the sides and top-
but it's coconut magic in the swirls-
i dunno what the eff i did to make the frosting-
there's butteish and powpowdered sugar, lemon juice, zest, vanilla.....
i frickin' winged it, man.
but, because rules is rules,
i made sure to overactivate it with heart-of-gold-glitter sugar sprankles,
lemon zest sprankles,
AND coconut sprankles on top-
because too much is the right amount,
and MORE flavors is better than less, obvi-
i doo-doo that freaky sh!t, and i do it because i love cake,
and i love my friends,
and i love making things,
and all of that is all that really ever makes me happy,
so what the eff else would i do? right?? i KNOW!!
***********
i ate pizza for lunch, again.
i'm not sorry about it.
just happy.
ha!
i had a full day of tattzaps,
with good folks whose company i enjoyed to the best of my ability.
which is harder than it sounds, kids.
really.
i've got my attention being pulled in several directions,
and i've got my affections confused with my affectations,
and i've got pizza over here, cake over there,
dudes hangin' out, other dudes workin' across from me,
and in-between, i've got all the thoughts you'd ever want,
and all the desires you'd never tell,
and the F*ing phone ringing,
and all of it is all really happening,
and it's NOT more than i can handle,
but it's NOT effortless either.
i'm working ten tiers deeper than just the tattoo,
and let's be real-
y'better be paying close attention to the THAT.
it's permanent, man, and there's little to no room for error.
so, the pizza is a comfort, and the cake helps, too.
thank goodness for great food saving the day-
without it, the days'd be a real batch of bummers;
never quiet, never soft.....