Wednesday, June 6


coconut lemon chai, guys.
that's something especially expert that i just stumbled upon.
and there's no going back now that it's a thing, either.
i wanted to bake up an in-absentia berfday party cake for my very best buddy,
since he's in wyoming with his family,
and i'm here, with just this F*ing dog and nobody else to celebrate with.
i figured that while he's out west trying to keep it low key on his big day,
i'd keep doing what i do, and go hard on some new-new, and get a little fancy
with it while i was at it.
here's what happened:

neighbors, are you not reading that right?
you should be more excited about this, because it changed the way i think about cake.
unfortunately, the cold,damp, dreary, lugubrious weather distracted me just enough
that i was whole-cloth fabricating a recipe, with imprecise measurements
and eyeballed amounts-
i'll give you my best guess, and you go ahead and adjust it as you see fit, okay?
preheat the oven to 350℉
grease two 6" springform jauns (i LOVE springforms, bro, fight me)
in your trusty stand-up mixer, with the cake paddle on,
cream together:
5 T vegan butter;
1/2 cup raw sugar;
1/4 tsp salt;
1/3 cup coconut yogurt;
2 'bengal spice' decaf chai tea sachets;
1 tsp vanilla;
juice of 1/2 lemon;
1/2 lemon's zest.
whip that into a frenzy-
add 2 T lemon juice to 2/3 cup non-dairy milk, set aside.
sift in;
1 tsp bakey powder;
1 tsp bakey soda;
2 cups flour;
1/2 cup medium-flake unsweetened coconut.
add the s'milk-
whisk into the fluffiest batter and spread evenly between the two pans-
bake for 30 minutes, and allow to cool completely before frosting.
SO expert.
that's lemon betterthanevercreme frosting in the middle and on the sides and top-
but it's coconut magic in the swirls-
i dunno what the eff i did to make the frosting-
there's butteish and powpowdered sugar, lemon juice, zest, vanilla.....
i frickin' winged it, man.
but, because rules is rules,
i made sure to overactivate it with heart-of-gold-glitter sugar sprankles,
lemon zest sprankles,
AND coconut sprankles on top-
because too much is the right amount,
and MORE flavors is better than less, obvi-
i doo-doo that freaky sh!t, and i do it because i love cake,
and i love my friends,
and i love making things,
and all of that is all that really ever makes me happy,
so what the eff else would i do? right?? i KNOW!!
i ate pizza for lunch, again.
i'm not sorry about it.
just happy.
i had a full day of tattzaps,
with good folks whose company i enjoyed to the best of my ability.
which is harder than it sounds, kids.
i've got my attention being pulled in several directions,
and i've got my affections confused with my affectations,
and i've got pizza over here, cake over there,
dudes hangin' out, other dudes workin' across from me,
and in-between, i've got all the thoughts you'd ever want,
and all the desires you'd never tell,
and the F*ing phone ringing,
and all of it is all really happening,
and it's NOT more than i can handle,
but it's NOT effortless either.
i'm working ten tiers deeper than just the tattoo,
and let's be real-
y'better be paying close attention to the THAT.
it's permanent, man, and there's little to no room for error.
so, the pizza is a comfort, and the cake helps, too.
thank goodness for great food saving the day-
without it, the days'd be a real batch of bummers;
never quiet, never soft.....

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