RULES!

WOMP WOMP!
it's bummer city in new england, u.s.a.
the regional team lost the big game;
to the considerable woe, misery, and shame of almost everyone in the area,
despite the fact that none of them actually played in,
nor even directly contributed to,
any sportsing scores that happened at any point in this whole season.
that's not me, dudes.
nope. not once, not ever.
i'm pretty lucky, really-
never have i tied my sense of self-worth to the performance of strangers
doing things that have no impact on my daily life.
i'm not happy per se that the local populace took a hard L,
to their mood,
and maybe their money (because gambling is really cool if you're not cool),
and their sense of communal confidence,
as provided by people who get paid a lot of money
to run around on pretend grass for eleven minutes of actual game-playing-
all no doubt more keenly and acutely inflicted by the the use of alcohol-
but,
while i might not be happy they're unhappy,
i'm sure as sh!t not even a little scoochie speck of sad about it, either.
i didn't watch the game,
not even for the commercials.
no thanks.
every other time an advertisement interrupts us viewing something
to try and sell us things we don't need, it's a bummer...
...and it's STILL a bummer .
so,
what in the heck am i even going on and on about then?
well,
i DO love a reason to make some situationally-appropriate site-specific succulent
shark-gluttonous superfeast beast smörgåsbord big business, tho.
mmmhmmm.
because that's something that actually affects my life and well-being;
not to mention that i create it all myself,
so nobody can fumble the food and eff it up but me.
the thing of it is: i'll celebrate stuff i don't even care about,
just to get freaky-diki on the main tenet of my sharky feeding frenzies:
too much is the right amount.
that's IT.
guys,
i made a whole holy-sh!tballer-A* doodie-twinklin' barbarian buttload of touchdown triumphs,
and i ate a preposterous F*-mountain of all of it.
i lucked out, though, because i wasn't all by my lonesome, either.
nope.
on the ones,
you can't be fortunate without nate. ....get it?
yup.
my homeboy had a fresh-to-death day of tattbombin', as did i,
and he came through afterwards for our sportsless game-night of face-stuffin' fuel-ups.
word up.
ok. if you read all that, i commend you.
if you skipped to the picture, that's cool too, but i bet you watched the game, didn't you?
ha!
teleport:

SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPER!!!!!!!!!
that's a lotta hottness, loud, fresh, hard, fried firebombs of flavor for your face!!!!
word up.
first off, i don't mess with soda much these days,
but on those special occasions when i doo-doo that sugarbubble stuff,
i only get down with root beer.
you know that.
it's ok not to drink.
really.
you might've never been told that before,
but i promise, nothing bad happens if you don't use alcohol.
*
OKAY,
we're gonna have to pull a play-by-play on all this delicious dopeness.
first up, my personal favorite:

PEE EYE ZEE ZEE AYY!!!
yeah, it's always amazing to get some pizza-pie for your eye.
homemade crust?
naturally. the semi-semolina stretch of from-scratch high-gluten goodness is incomparable.
caramelized onions and fried garlic sprankles?
umm, yeah- rules is rules, bro.
smoky, paprika-powdered vegan sausage slices?
c'mon, man, it's SUPER time.
parsley for garnish?
pretty food is what i need, neighbors. believe it.
-
i had the oven circulating 480℉ degrees all night,
but i also had the dough proofing well in adavance.
i make my magic in the morning, and stretch it out in the evening,
so the yeast has a chance to get good and active, and the developed gluten can withstand a major
dose of crushed tomatoes, daiya mozzarella, protein, onions, and garnishes.
-
this dough, made in my stand mixer (always) went something like this:
1 cup white flour;
1/2 cup semolina flour;
1 tsp salt;
3 T olive oil;
1 tsp sugar;
1 tsp exxxtra wheat gluten;
2/3 cup warm water;
1  bread machine yeast, bloomed in the water.
kneaded, risen for twenty, covered, and refirgerated all day.
it's become my standard situation in the ornings, and it works great every time.
i baked the whole thing until it was good and browned, and i was glad i did.
this pizza was tremendously satisfying, more than usual, and that's saying a lot.
*
do y'all mess around with white corn tortillas?
i had some, i sixth'd some, and i baked some, all to make dippin' chips for my
RAINBOW FIESTA GUACAMOLE!!!

wordimus prime.
guacam-yolo, that's what they say in tahoe, i guess.
i've give you my legendary supreme guac recipe often enough that i'll skip it now,
(here's a link)
but,
let me add this:
the avocados were in that sweet spot where their texture and flavor were absolutely perfect.
like,
they had zero flaws in any way, and they activated this bowl all the way off the charts,
into an even MORE legendary level of sexxxiness.
i am grateful as F* when circumstances converge that way.
*
what do you guys even know about BACON CHILI CHEE' FRIES?
well, get ready, and strap in, because you're about to learn a LOT about 'em.
teleport:

S'GREASY!
S'SPICY!
S'GOOD!
the chee' sauce is like this:
1 cup non-dairy milk;
1 T flour;
1 T nootch (nutritional yeast);
1 1/2 tsp each GP & OP (Garlic and Onion Powders)
1/4 tsp ground mustard powder.
1 1/2 tsp turmeric;
1/4 tsp black pepper.
heat it, whisk it constantly, let it thicken, and serve it up.
it's too good to waste, but there won't be any left to waste.
*
and the fries?
i had steak fries, seasoned fries, and even shoestring fries, all in that 480℉ oven.
i crisped up some weird vegan baconish stuff, minced up, and all smoky and sweet,
just to have the right stuff on hand to top these bad babies with.
mmhmm.
then there's that CHILI-
it's flippin' expert, kids.
-
half an onion, diced, sauteed in olive oil.
plus, three chopped sweet baby bell peppers;
one minced jalapeno pepper;
cumin, oregano, cayenne, coriander, thyme, GPOP, smoked paprika, and a bay leaf,
toasted with the veg;
deglazed with 2 T cider vinegar,
and stirred with 1 T tomato paste.
add:
2/3 can (10oz) rinsed roman beans;
1 can petite diced tomatoes ( 14.5oz);
1 tsp better-than-bouillon soup base;
and HOT SAUCE.
...i used nate's homemade chipotle habanero jauns, and it was TIGHT.
-
simmer it down, add a tablespoon of agave, and a punch of cilantro,
then serve it up all hot and spicy for everybody.
damn, duders.
everything expert was in sync all night long.
jalapeno rings and scallion sprankles competed the big picture,
and a big win was guaranteed.
*
there's MORE to talk about, too-
those nashville hot seitan nugs,
and the double-dipped chick-pea-battered deep fried buffalo cauliflower chunks,
as well as those exxxtra-exxxtra nachos, too.
it'll have to wait, because i'm OUT OF TIME.
we'll talk about 'em soon;
never quiet, never soft.....

BANG-BANGER!

y'all ever had a super-deluxxxe massive giant-sized stack-up?
i'm talking about a sandwich so big you wonder why you're still eating it,
but also, you can't stop eating it,
and when it's gone, and you're on the cusp of discomfort and fullness,
you sorta still wish there was just one more bite?
let me tell you, dudes-
last night's suppertime specialty was specifically serving up that big action.
if too much is the right amount,
...and it is...
then the super banh banh mi-oh-my-ay-ay that i made myself for dinner
was the most right on thing that's happened this year.
no lie.
the bread was a magnificently soft, thick, fluffy, flavorful exxxplosion,
baked to perfection.
the fillings were all completely expert,
each tier bringing so much taste and texture to the table that i needed a bigger table.
ha!
neighbors,
just the one super-sized sandwich, packed to the t!ts with terrific treats,
was so unbelievably burly and bountiful and beautiful
that no side dishes were necessary.
that's some good sh!t.
i need you to take a look at this big bad banh mi, please.
check the teleport:

kaBOOOOOOM!!!!!
there's nothing bad in this thing.
every ingredient is exxxactly where it needs to be,
and the timetable wasn't even really all that crazy,
not that being home all alone on a frigid saturday night
was detracting from any other plans i might've had.
in fact, the main event was making this meal.
i deserve to experience something productive, creative, powerful,
nourishing, and extravagant,
made with my own two hands,
and enjoyed as a process AND a finished product.
word.
*
like i already said: the bread was perfect.
it was the result of a long cold-rise in the fridge.
that seems to really turn the taste up to eleven, and i like that a LOT.
you want to make some banh bun baps?
i bet you do.
to make two of 'em,
i did this:
-
* 
BANH!
-
in your stand mixer, with a dough hook attached,
combine:
2 cups flour;
1 tsp salt;
1 tsp vital wheat gluten;
4 T olive oil;
1 T sugar;
1/2 cup + 2-3 T warm water;
1 T bread machine yeast, bloomed with 1/2 tsp agave, in that warm water.
knead it on low power for eight minutes.
check in after all the ingredients are roughly sticking together.
maybe it needs more flour, maybe it needs more water. look at it. if it looks great, it is.
if it looks dry, or wet, use your head and fix it, man. c'mon.
let it rise for fifteen minutes, covered.
punch it down, cover it again, and let it hang out in the refrigerator for 8-12 hours.
shape some loaves - i made two 10" fatties,
olive oil the tops, and let 'em rise on a baking pan
while your oven heats to a convection-circulating 375℉.
give 'em about 20 minutes, or until they look golden, smell amazing,
and generally seem irresistible.
cool 'em and cut 'em and get 'em ready.
with a slather of vega mayo,
and a double stripe of RED & GREEN SRIRACHA this bread is LEGITNESS!
yeah.
sriracha is integral to banh mi.
the red is great, always; but green gets me going.
and getting going is where we're headed, if you catch my meaning.
*
ok,
so now we've got your bread baked and prepped.
it's time to make all the interior components of this perfect sandwich.
-
*
SLAW!
-
a handful of pea tendrils, torn;
a quarter cup of raddichio, shredded;
a few T of purple cabbage, chiffonaded;
three T of finely chopped parsley;
a pinch of pink salt, a few cracks of black pepper;
1 tsp lime juice....
that's it. shake it all up, and let it wilt a bit under the citric acid attack, jack.
*
-
*
TOFU!
-
in a very hot pan, melt a tablespoon of unrefined coconut oil,
and add those 1/4" thick slabs of exxtra-firm tofu.
don't flip them until you see the crisp skin forming.
you can see it, so if you're not sure, it's not ready.
there's literally no other ingredients in this part.
you just don't need anything else to improve on it.
*
-
*
SWEET POTATO FRITTERS!
-
mmhmm.
too much IS the right amount.
i use one quarter of a sweet potato, skin-on, boiled to softness and drained,
then mashed into >1/4 cup chick pea flour;
salt, pepper, GPOP.
1 T hemp hearts;
1 tsp egg replacer starch.
i let that sit, shaped it into sandwich-sized cakes,
dusted 'em in non-GMO organic cornstarch,
and fried 'em up in olive oil until both sides were browned,
and the interiors stayed sorta soft.
expert.
these go so well with the rest of it,
i almost can't believe i ever leave them out when i make these!
*
i don't F* with pȃté.
OBviously, because i'm not a cruel selfish A*-hole.
what do we substitute for that fatty squish?
duh.
don't be dumb, guys-
AVO-F*ING-CADO, naturally!
don't leave it out, or you'll be neglecting a key element of sensory immersion.
*
-
*
COLD PICKLED CARROTS AND RADISHES!
-
basically, the name is the whole thing:
shredded carrots and radishes,
covered in rice wine, with a dash of salt, a pinch of sugar, and about 30% water.
left in the fridge all damned day, you'll end up with some crunchy munchables
that really tie in to the texture of everything else in the very best way.
mmmmmmmmm.
*
and then, to get it all sexxxy for the grand munch-up feeding frenzy,
you've just gotta garnish the hell out of it-
paper-thin red onions;
jalapenos;
fresh cilantro;
fresh basil;
and fresh mint.
that's where it's AT.
all the leaves, all the hots, all that onion,
all in between all those big layers of big flavor.
there's nothing better than biting into that soft bread,
and feeling your whole skull tingle with satisfying sustenance.
it's good for you,
and then, it's sort of bad for you-
yup.
because there's a LOT, but there's not enough.
that's the infinite nature of shark-gluttony, man.
and nature wins.
this sandwich is the only one to consistently appear at some point
on every last sandwich week menu.
that's real.
it might be the defining dish for any self-respecting sarnie connoisseur.
i mean it.
every time i get into this, i get excited.
every time i bite into it, i get invigorated.
i love good food,
and i'll choose making it myself over going out every single time.
***********
i have a situation.
it might be nothing, it might be a big deal.
i'm not sure.
but here it is:
tattooing is where i fill up on sociable pleasantries.
i mean it.
other than work, and the grocery store, i don't feel any urge to be social.
not one little teeny tiny bit.
in fact,
it's sort of funny to me when people joke about preferring to stay home.
it's funny, because i ACTUALLY just stay home.
that's the truth.
i see lots and lots of different folks, and i talk and talk and talk to them-
about tattoos mostly, but also just about everything else nearly as much;
and i touch them, in all the areas covered by a bathing suit...
(mostly with gloves, because, ew),
and maybe in their sentiments, as well;
and i permanently change them, physically, and with any luck- philosophically-
all from within a contained, controlled environment that is closely monitored
so as to maintain specific conditions conducive to the services performed thereabouts.
...and when i'm done, i do NOT ever feel like going out into the darkening world
to stew in the sauce and steep into a stupor,
nor to buzz my brain to a blurry-edged bleared blitz,
just to fit in to the interactions of the vague dishonesty of drinking alcohol
in the name of being social.
social drinking ranks as one of my least favorite terms.
it should be called group standard lowering-
although, while more accurate, that sure sounds a whole lot worse.
meanwhile,
i'm over here in the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress doing work.
yup.
reading, writing, cooking, baking, exercising, organizing...
there's SO much to do, always, that F*ing off for hours, numbing my brain,
and being the weakest, least-impressive, crutch-leaning version of myself
celebrating sensory-deadening ugly-impulse-encouraging inebriation
seems like suck a waste of time, energy, health, wealth, and space
that i'd really rather stay the hell home, for real.
and that's exactly what i DO.
i'll freely admit i have a hatred for drinking alcohol that borders on fanaticism,
but,
i've yet to see it make anyone a better version of themselves.
if being social didn't pervasively include booze at it's focal point,
or as an enfilade surrounding or bookending activities and festivities,
maybe then i'd be more social?
or maybe i'd still stay home and create something.
that sounds more likely.
i'm less interested in belonging or fitting in
than i am in fitting another banh mi into my face.
like the godfather of straight edge said:
"There’s nothing I hate more than hearing people use that [alcohol] as an excuse. 
Too many times it’s “I’m sorry what happened last night, I was f*cked up.” 
Well, f*ck that sh!t, man. [...] I don’t buy it. 
Can you imagine what drinking has done to people’s consciousness, 
just in what they’ve done under the influence 
and allowed themselves to do under the influence and then when they sober up, 
realizing what they’d done? It’s sad to me, it’s sad."
y'boi ian mackaye knew it back in the nineteen eighties, and yet, somehow
all y'all unimaginative, lazy, ordinary dumb-dumbs
STILL out here doing the exact same tired-A* sh!t.
there's no time for that.
we all get a choice, kids,
and you get to make a new and better one every minute.
it might seem hard to decide to try harder,
but it never works against you,
and that's the truth;
never quiet, never soft.....

FREELOOKFRIDAY!

dudes!
i was serving up some scandalous pictures last night.
yup.
hot noods, for all the dudes.
uh-huh.
they weren't dirty, really, but they sure were spicy.
believe it.
RAMEN NOODOOS were representing all the positivity and flavor for supper!
word up.
wanna see?
i know you do, because y'all nasty.
that's alright, because i'm about to show you, anyway.
that's real,
because y'boi nasty, too!
check the hot-and-spicy-sweet-and-sour-type teleport:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOODZ!
i had a heroic heaping helping of squigglers, in some house-made broth.
(don't you ever come at me with a flavor packet, kid)
i like mine wet, but i want MORE stuff than just soup and noodles.
that's the truth,
because as always, too much is the right amount, right?
right!
i had sesame oil searing up two whole cloves of sliced garlic,
and the flavor was otherworldly in the most heavenly astral-projection kind of way.
expert.
i seared all that tofu in the garlic-infused remaining oil, until all sides were crisp af.
expert.
i toasted those sossamon sesame sprankles in whatever was left after that.
expert.
and that's just what was poppin' in the fry-up pan.
the soup pot was even TILTIER, neighbors.
sesame oil charred leeks, carrots, and cabbage started things off right.
that's half a cup of sliced leek, one medium-large carrot, bias-cut,
and a cup and a half of chopped cabbage, for the record.
the leeks get so good in that small spot of sesame oil.
the cabbage, when blackened a bit on the edges is molto molto tight, man.
and carrots with a slight char, still crisp, are the business, bro.
believe it.
then there's celery heart, about half a cup, diced-
and a couple cups of broccoli florets, too boot.
those get added along with the broth, and boiled just enough to get softish,
but not turn doo-doo green.
the broth is the boss, too-
4 T tamari;
4 T rice wine vinegar;
4 T green sriracha;
2 T ho'sauce;
1 tsp each Garlic Powder and Onion Powder;
1 tsp coriander seed;
2 T agave nectar;
2/4 tsp better-than-bouillon soup base;
2 tsp finely-chopped organic skin-on ginger;
and enough water to bring the volume up to 2 cups. (and to 11 as well)
-
from there, y'just prep some ramen, in water.
add half the soup, the noods, the rest of the soup,
and then activate all the exxxtras.
yuuuuuup.
lettuce! jalapeno! cilantro! scallion! the tofu and the garlic!
those sesame spranks!
and, just to be a champ- half an AVO-F*ING-CADO!!!
that's a massive attack on dinner,
but i triumphed and consumed every last morsel, including the broth.
man, oh MAN, i do love a sexxxy nood.
*
i think i was eating all my feels, actually.
home alone with crappy crabtree,
colder than witch nips,
winded upon by a northwesterly wotanic devilbreath,
feeling old and busted and torn and forlorn and all that.
happy new, though, guys-
the ramen bomb set it off, and offset any initial sadness with
full-bellied full-bodied burly tingling spicy new hottness.
that's why i do the things i do.
because food is my medicine,
and it's essentially a nutrient-dense mood-and-performance enhancer,
one stovetop lab dose at a time.
yikes.
oh, c'mon.
...i'm ok with it.
and tonight, it's likely to be just as cold, and just as dark, again-
so i'm going to have to cook just as hard, or harder, even.
we do build immunity to pleasure over time, right?
that's why there's no such thing as too much of a good thing.
because yesterday's limits are today's standards.
the whole point is MORE,
and i'm doing my part to make it happen.
perpetual improvement in quality and quantity.
that's the goal this weekend, next weekend,
and every one henceforth, forthwith;
never quiet, never soft.....

HEARTS, ALREADY!

y'gotta have the hearts, neighbors.
i mean,
it's february,
and even though for some people that just means american football championships,
OR car dealership presidents' day mega-sales-
and i wouldn't buy a car this month if ONLY because i don't eff with any presidents-
OR k-12 childhood winter vacation breaks (at least in the u.s. northeast)-
i'm not doing ANY of that.
nope.
for me there's just one thing i'm especially pumped up about.
it's all valentine's pink and red and white snow magic the whole first half of the month.
because after that,
it's colder'n cold and busier'n heck for the whole tail end of the calendar page.
yup.
these first two weeks have to come on strong,
and bring enough heat to radiate warm feelings to last me throughout the back half.
mmmhmmm.
and besides, i really like hearts, kids.
i do.
...and romance stuff.
i guess you could say i'm a little soft in the center of this craggy, haggard,
old busted barbarian craptacular carapace and face, man.
yeah.
and also, i'm kind of into chocolate, too.
ha!
so, even though it's early on, it's never too soon to start valentining!
real talk.
chocolate chocolate and white chocolate chip strawberry muffin hearts?
wait.
what??!
oh.
i thought you were keeping up.
no? well, to recap: i like hearts, and chocolate and it's never too soon.....y'feel me?
yeah?
alright, then.
check the teleport:

WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
dudes-
these fluffers are where you want to be!
that's no joke.
they're slightly sconey, only less dry,
and they're very choco-luscious, in F*ing full effect.
would you like the recipe for your own personal use?
sure thing:
-
*
STRAWBERRY CHOCOLATE DOUBLECHIP HEARTS!
-
preheat your oven to 400℉
-
in a medium-sized mixing bowl, cream together:
1/2 cup sugar;
1 stick (8T) non-dairy butter substitute;
1/2 tsp salt;
1 tsp vanilla.
stir in 1/2 cup non-dairy vanilla yogurt, and mix well.
next up is the dry ingredients:
2 1/4 cups flour;
1/4 cup tapioca starch;
1 tsp bakey powder;
1 tsp bakey soda;
1/3 cup cocoa;
1/2 cup chocolate chips;
1/4 cup white chocolate chips;
and 1/2 cup freeze-dried strawberries.
give that a stir, and then fold it all together with:
1/2 cup non-dairy milk.
if you do it correctly, you should have a very soft dough.
fold it and form it and press it into two equal circles on a floured surface-
flatten them to about 1" thick, and cut them each into 6 wedges,
and press them into heart-shapes. arrange 'em on a baking tray,
and freeze 'em for ten minutes.
that helps to firm 'em up before you bake them for twenty minutes...
mmmmmmmmm.
holy sh!t they're good!
but, they aren't nearly expert enough until that double-drizzle stripes the tops,
and then the sprankles pretty the whole thing up...
wordimus prime.
too much is the  right amount.
powdered sugar, vanilla, non-dairy milk, and powdered strawberries.
that's dope.
chocolate chips, powdered sugar, vanilla, and a little more non-dairy milk.
that's dope, too.
and together, they make these already-awesome hearts s'kyooooot!!
-
i'm not going to say how many i ate,
but i can tell you it was a wholly irresponsible number.
i can't help myself, bro.
i'm a shark-gluttonous wild animal when it comes to treats,
and i honestly worry that i physically cannot resist a good baked sweet thang.
i guess that's my weakness.
that, and romance.
awwwwwwww, man.
***********
crabtree ate a weird bone.
it gave him a sour butt.
he didn't sleep, at all, and neither did i.
or, more accurately, i snugged him up super hard, and we both fell asleep early,
so we both paid the price for the entire rest of the night.
that's because we're shark-gluttonous battle beasts, both he and i.
but,
this dog is a suicidal juggernaut of appetite and self-destruction.
i'm just trying to get fat without trying to BE fat.
he's on a drastic weightloss plan,
and it's turning all the snow outside into a mudslide.
yuck.
this is my real life.
when the cake is baked, and the day is done,
i'm still trudging along in arctic gale winds,
sniffing hot heaps of storm-whipped gusting and disgusting whiffs
of soft-serve sh!t-salad.
oh,
and i would've slept alone, too,
but that means i would've had to have gotten some sleep-
which was not in the fortune-telling nighttime forecast, at all.
the thing is-
today is a new day, and tonight is a better night.
...that's what i'm telling myself.
now all i have to do is make it come true;
never quiet, never soft.....

QUINCEAÑERA!

fifteen F*ing years of this woodsly goodsly world around me.
groundhog day, punxsutawney phil, the works.
today is that day.
the anniversary of choosing this adverse microverse.
uh-huh.
over and over and over and over,
february has done it's best to remind me that it's not exactly awesome up here
in wintertime, especially if you're completely disinterested in outdoorsy diversions.
ugh.
i'm not gonna sit in an outhouse on ice, trying to poke holes in fishfaces,
as a duck-and-coverstory for getting drunk in close quarters with other dudes.
nope.
and i'm definitely not gonna go up a hill to try and get down much faster on slippery sticks.
no way.
and there's a zero percent chance that i'll be snowmobile sled-machining,
not once, not never, mostly because that sh!t is super dumb.
jeez.
well, then why am i here?
i mean, i'm here to make things.
like, that's my purpose.
and in the broader sense:
i am a creator, and i create, and that would happen anywhere i happen to be.
but, specifically, though- why am i here?
because where you're AT isn't exclusively location-based.
where you are, physically, is far less important than what you're all about, philosophically.
a good time is all in how you make it.
and honestly, as i'm typing and look out the window
at the sunlight barely breaking over the treeline
and washing the white mountains of northern new hampshire in gold and red?
where i'm at feels pretty flippin' good right about now, anyway.
home is where the house is.
and spreading out from there, the world i live in is independent of what other dudes are into.
sure,
the political vegan liberal progressive art scene isn't thriving in this corner of the world.
but that's not really what in need to feel fulfilled.
my life is smaller and more focused than that.

the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress is warmer than the repetitive windy winter outdoors;
AMPERSAND TATTOO is a luxurious epicenter of artistic expression
and competent conversational complexity;
the oven is roaring;
the bread is baking;
the plants are growing;
the dog is happy....
really, with all of that, and a sense of purpose,
where else could be any better?
i've created a concentric ring of real Folk Life-
fresh, loud, hard-styled hottness without the helping hands of an overly-receptive populace,
and turned it into something special.
that's the truth.
i've built an environment of my own design,
nestled snugly in the marginally inhospitable mountains of the northeast.
if i was anywhere else, i'd honestly be doing the same things.
that's incredibly accurate,
and impossibly fortunate.
i do what i do,
and it cycles and recycles a symbolically symbiotic set of circumstances every damned day.
i'm a self-contained biosphere, bro.
a terrarium of harmonized causes-and effects in F*ing full effect.
and that's here, there, and everywhere.
fifteen years of northern new hampshire,
through feast and famine, love and loss, joy, despair, and eveything else.
fifteen years, man.
in a row.
and i'm still going strong.
i don't know where i'll be in fifteen more,
but i know where i'm headed- and it's inward and it's upward and it's onward.
i may not be moving away,
but i'm always moving forward;
never quiet, never soft.....

RASPBERRY ROLLS!!!

holy sh!t!!
i took cinnamon rolls,
skipped the cinnamon,
added raspberries,
and lost my mind over how F*ing awesome the results were.
...that's no joke-
they came out hot, and fresh, and seriously sexxxy lookin',
and once we added a DOUBLE drizzle of icing,
they surpassed my original idea, which was already pretty expert,
and went off the charts well beyond a perfect ten,
into the realm of some raging savage stormswept elite level-eleven new hottness.
i'm for real right now on some really-real talk.
check the february-first-type teleport:

WORD!!
dudes, it's a cast-iron spitfire bakery bomb;
it's a fruit-activated berry biscuit bonanza;
it's the best dang set of rolls i've maybe ever had .
yup.
and i ate half of 'em in one shot.
i regret not one bit,
although my belt may need to be let out a notch after that much shark-gluttonous gorging.
ha.
honestly, though-
these jauns were the ONES, on the ones.
look:

c'mon!!
yeah, that is a drizzly dousing of exxxtra icing.
i mean, too much is the right amount, y'know?
yeah, you know!
i'm not saying you need these, but, like, you NEED these.
and i'm about to tell y'all how to make that a reality.
ready?
here we go:
-
*
RAZZY BUNZIES!!
-
preheat your oven to 375℉
-
line a 10" cast-iron pan with parchment
-
in a small pan, warm up over low heat:
1 cup non-dairy milk;
1 tsp vanilla;
3 T vegan butter.
when the butter is melted, let it cool-
and stir in 2 tsp bread machine yeast.
next,
in your indispensable upright stand mixer, combine:
3 cups white whole wheat flour;
1 tsp vital wheat gluten (to help the dough stay tight and sturdy af;
1/2 tsp salt;
4 T raw sugar;
1 tsp cinnamon;
1 pkg ( 2 1/2 tsp ) yeast.
add the milky sauce to the dry stuff, and knead it on low for six minutes in a row.
cover it with plastic wrap, or a wam, damp towel, or whatever,
and let it rise for fifteen minutes.
-
meanwhile, make the interior spread:
1/2 cup brown sugar;
1/4 tsp vanilla;
2 T seedless raspberry jam;
3 T earth balance vegan butter;
1 1/2 T powdered freeze-dried raspberries.
mash all that up into a uniform paste, and get ready to rock, bro.
-
on a well-floured surface, roll your dough into a wise rectangle about 1/4" thick,
and spread the pasty pastry filling evenly across it,
leaving one long edge bare, about 3/4" from the end, so you can moisten it,
and let it stick to the rest when you roll it up.
i wrap my roll and freeze it for five minutes, to firm the whole thing up,
which really makes slicing into individual rolls a LOT easier and less messy.
cut the whole log in half, then each half in half, then each quarter into thirds.
yup.
twelve tasty triumphs,
one dozen doses of delicious,
eleven plus one parcels of pure-being berry bounty.
arrange 'em in your iron, with room to swell,
trim the parchment, for presentation's sake,
and bake those righteous rolls for twenty-five  to thirty-five minutes,
depending on your oven, and how golden you like 'em.
heck. yes. neighbors.
they're honestly awesome,
and they only got better with icing.
uh-huh.
y'all ever had icing?
it's that extra-extra that makes these exxxtra excellent.
powdered sugar, vanilla, and non-dairy milk.
three ingredients, combined and stirred, and dripped all over the surface
in order to really activate a top tier of tasty sweetness that can't be topped.
...unless you add another 'nother layer of even MORE fantastic icing.
yuuuuuuuup.
i took my raspberry creamchee' frosting, and thinned it to a drizzleable consistency
with some of that non-dairy milk,
and add that to the party, as well.
and it boosted my buds with added fancy-pantsy pretty-in-pink magic, man.
mmhmm.
that's a thing.
what else could there be?
how about powdered freeze-dried berry sprankles.
F*ing right, kid.
rules is rules, and spranks are on the list.
das IT.
a good morning roll, to start a new month,
in pinky hues to get the valentine times kicked off from the very first minute.
that's what i'm about.
i do that. hard.
it's just how i am.
***********
i'm home alone for a while.
what am i gonna do?
oh, right.
all the same sh!t i always do.
OBviously.
because that's what's required of me in my daily responsible adulthood.
my sincerest hope is that these next few weeks are busier than average,
so that the missing pieces aren't as dominant as they feel at the moment.
the first day is always a bummer,
and the last day is the longest one,
but, if i can squeeze a heroic amount of productivity
into all the glaring empty spaces where that lovely face usually is,
the maybe the time will span faster?
damn, i hope so.
i'm happy that it's adventure time for my valentine,
but i'd be a liar if i said it was gonna be easy back here at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
and truth tellers can never stop.
nope.
so, here's to making the first two thirds of february into a werewolfen whirlwind of
wildly-wrought well-written warrior poetry.
it's all going to happen,
the trick is to channel the flow into the right and righteous course.
but as implied above- it's tricky;
never quiet, never soft.....

RABBIT! RABBITT!!

it's the first of the month, dudes!
yuuuup.
today is the day.
the big premier.
the debut of the shortest one,
which also happens to contain one of the raddest commercial holidays,
and represents the sweetest juice from american history's black gold.
that's right,
valentine's day and B.H.M., in F*ing full effect-
i love both of those things, a LOT,
and i'm ready to have one hell of a good time celebrating both all the way to eleven.
word.
so, just to be clear, you DO know what has to happen as soon as the calendar page turns,
and the just-for-today-is-the-dayness of the adventurous first foray
into new monthly goodness exxxplodes into existence, right?
that's riii-ii-iight.
before anything else happens, as soon as your eyelids snap open,
and the clock says it's time,
the very next thing that had better pop off is a sporting spurt of polysyllabic summons
to attract the active ingredient in fortunate favoritism
from the secret universal echoes of abundance to the epicenter of your heart and mind an' that.
uh-huh.
rules is rules, man.
and you'd better believe i said it and meant it;
it's documented and imprinted for posterity-
like a watermark or a timestamp on the spectral permanent record.
yes, that's a thing.
the magic mutha-'ucking words, fresh from my pursed lips percussive and staccato
straight into the aether of existence, neighbors:
rabbit! rabbit!
THAT'S IT!
y'know it's the truth.
cultivating coincidence and manifesting the laws of attraction.
that it might be a thing is appealing to the process of positive thinking-
and at the very least,
it certainly doesn't hurt one bit to maintain mindful attentive awareness
in the realm of Positive Mental Attitude, does it?
believe it, and do it, and see where it leads.
***********
guys,
i sent january packing with a crescendo of convergent flavors.
ummm, for realsies, though-
i brought he burly barbarian big action down on the finale of the first twelfth.
and, i'd like to add that it was a BANGER, broski.
check the teleport:

y'all ninjas had enough?
GIMME S'MORES!
y'all ninjas want the wild sh!t?
GIMME S'MORES!
that's what's up, friends.
SMORE'S COOKIES in full effect your your big fat face.
and they're crazy good, too.
you want 'em?
i have a couple left, but they're going fast.
maybe you should just make some of your very own.
yeah. i think that's for the best. lucky for you, i'm not greedy, and i'll share the recipe.
ready?
ok, good.
here you go:
-
*
S'MORES'GASBØRD!!!
-
preheat your oven to 375℉
-
in a medium sized metal mixing bowl, cream together:
1 stick (8T) earth balance buttery substitute;
1/2 tsp salt;
2/3 cup sugar;
1 tsp vanilla.
stir in:
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce;
1 pkg pulverized graham crackers;
1 cup chocolate chips;
1/2 bag vegan marshmallows, minced in flour (to prevent sticking)
1 1/2 cups flour;
2 T agave;
1-3 T non-dairy milk (in case of excessive dryness, don't add it if it doesn't need it)
-
ok, so there are a couple things worth noting:
the crackers work better in smaller powdered bits.
and the marshmallows will stick to everything once sliced,
which is why rubbing the cut sides in flour is a great move.
nobody wants clumped marshmallows unevenly distributed through your dough.
and did you notice there's no leaveners?
good eye.
why's that?
oh, well it's because these are S'MORES, dudes.
we want thick little blops that pack a perfect powerpunch of all those flavors,
without being all smooth and lame.
actual golf-ball'd semi-shaped spheres are what i made,
and they baked up unchanged in the oven, after just 11 minutes of cookin'...
are they good warm?
they are;
i mean, you've had a S'MORE before haven't you?
but, then, how about once they've cooled off?
ooooooh, they're even better in my opinion.
try them for yourself and then get back to me with your verdict.
*
i'm gonna be keeping it realer than ever,
albeit all by my lonesome, for the first half of the month.
that's real.
there's plenty to keep me occupied, for sure,
but i'm going to miss my girl no matter what.
ugh.
kayla is crossing the country,
and i'm crossing my fingers that she makes it here and back in no more than three pieces.
she's on winter break,
while i'm on winter broke.
that means that i'm going to get good and close with crabtree while he keeps me company
for the next few weeks.
starting on groundhog day every day is likely to be startlingly similar
until my sweetest heart returns to the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
damn, dudes.
february is off to a rough start.
it's all really happening,
and i'd hate to imagine how much harder the styles might get
if i hadn't said that rabbit rabbit pseudoscientific magnetic warrior poetry.
so, there's nothing for it but proactive participatory immersion.
that's all that's on the menu until we're together again;
and i'll be damned if i let absence do anything but make the heart grow fonder,
and what's more, ill be even damnededer if it stops the valentinian
juggernaut of joy that i feel for the loveliest heart-filled holiday of the year.
this is it,
and no mater what,
it unfolds outwards in origami creases of big-picture third-and-fourth-dimensional
puzzle-piece interconnectedness.
you're either about it,
or you're out of it;
never quiet, never soft.....

TACO CINCO!!

5x the flour flaps!
dudes!
taco tuesday number five already, and it's somehow still only january...
shoutouts to the longest month in history.
and what's more,
there's a super blue blood moon out there over my head this morning,
tugging insistently at all of my lycanthropic lunacies,
urging the emergence of that never-desired werewolfen wild'n out.
y'know?
no?
oh.
well,
that's a thing.
i can feel it pulsing like blood, like magnetics and gravity surging the tide,
and raising the cold iron in that hot lava running through my veins.
the moon is big as heck, and round, and close, and bright bright brighter than ever,
reflecting and refracting the blueish hues that bounce across the winter lansdcape,
in old snow and glare ice.....
it's all really happening, man.
and that's today, tonight, tomorrow;
always, all the time, from the bath in satellite rays,
to the brutal cold and bitter wind,
and the timestamps and milemarkers that make up real life in the woodsly goodness.
mmmhmmm.
it's a wolfman blood sacrifice in the sky, a blue moon blue light special,
and it's also the last day of the first month of the year.
neighbors, that's a LOT.
but anyway,
back to tuesday, and tacos.
as usual, i created an overdose of delicious dopeness in abundance.
i don't know why i can't rein it in and get a hold of my ambitions.
...i guess i just really like fat tacos.
check the taco cinco type teleport:

SOFT FLOUR ONLY IN THIS HOUSEHOLD, BRO!
look at those bad boys.
*
coconut-lime black and white ricey jasmine jauns!!
a spoonful of coconut, a heavy squeeze of lime,
and a scoop of blended dried garlic-and-onion in with mostly jasmine rice,
activated with a small sprink of black hulled hottness to dye 'em all pretty in lavender.
nice!
*
and then there's that turmeric tempeh!
that's where it's at.
onion, minced jalapeno, and cubed tempeh, sauteed in coconut oil,
with a heaping spoonful of turmeric and a whole mess of black pepper
-to more effectively increase bioavailabilty an' that.
a spoonful of cumin, and coriander, and a little lime zest,
plus Garlic Powder and Onion Powder, too for good measure.
all of that, toasted up, and then simmered in 1/2 cup water, until all of it is absorbed.
you've got yellow bean cakes, fully loaded in spices,
herb crusted to perfection while superbly soft inside.
that's tight, kids. i recommend it.
*
habanero pink beans and leeks?!?!
yup!
one minced up red habanero, and half a leek, sizzlin' for a minute in olive oil,
with one 15oz can of rinsed pink beans,
GPOP, nootch, oregano, smoked paprika, and lime juice complete the look.
these little spicebombs had us coughing.
uh-huh.
the vaporized capsaicin tried to choke us out, but it failed,
and the results were not so hot as to be unenjoyable,
juts definitely very spicy in a very satisfying way.
(i might've added a little sugar to help out with that.)
*
salsa fresca, with sweet baby red pepper, heirloom rainbow tomatoes,
red onion, cilantro, salt and lime juice had us in the ZONE, for sure.
it's just so good on top of all that other other stuff.
on it's own, it's refreshing, but on the top? it's ravishing.
me gusta lie a mofo, yo.
real talk.
*
pickled mixed veggies are forever ON the list.
pink salt, raw sugar, cider vinegar (enough to cover the veg),
and radishes, carrot, jalapeno, and onion, boiled and cooled and enjoyed
in all their completely briny, shiny, slightly crunchy glory.
have you made any yet?
well you should.
i know i'm not the boss of you, but i am your friend;
and as your friend i'm suggesting a small pot of these for your next taco experience.
just sayin'.
*
and we've got scallion and red onion and sweet onion sprankles, of course.
too much is the right amount after all.
and pea shoots.
and baby green leaf lettuce.
there's plenty of fresh cilantro, too.
and radicchio, because that sh!t is so pretty.
red pepper rings? of course, a little sweet crunch is welcome on my plate for sure.
cukes? hell yeah, bro. cukes are dope and that's a fact.
is that all?
nope.
there's exxxtra limes, and more importantly:
AVO-F*ING-CADO, homie.
i'll bet you could have some simple tacos,
and that's fine, if you're an underachiever.
however,
those of us who want MORE out of life,
and each meal and everything else
couldn't settle for some hard shelled box mix even if we wanted to.
why not?
i'll tell you why not-
because box mix is for jerks, and because it's a bummer.
and we don't want bummers.
we want that super-deluxxxe exxxtra-fancu unnecessary indulgence that reminds us
that being dope is way better than being lazy.
instead of making fun, or even having fun,
i'm making dinner and having seconds.
and that's precisely how i prefer it;
never quiet, never soft.....

MORNING MUFFINNING!

muffins! muffins! muffins!
i'm a muffin person, dudes.
yuuuuuup.
ok. ok. that's fair-
i'm also a cake, pie, cookie, tart person, to;
but for this post, i'm the mutha-lickin' muffin man, man.
mmhmmm.
blueberry muffins are among the most revered of all muffins.
i'm with that.
the thing is- i can't leave well enough alone,
so my bloobs are never just bloobs.
nope.
and these new bloobie bloobers are yet another 'nother example of that.
y'ready?
alright.
check the teleport:

wooohoooo!!
these are the ones, neighbors.
uh-huh. the ones that make that blueberry sh!t go to eleven.
blueberries.
white chocolate chips.
coconut.
streusel AND raspberry frosting.
hell yes that's what we're reppin' in the woodsly goodness for breakfast.
why two sizes?
because too much is the right amount, bro.
jeez, keep up why don'tcha...
ok, so i know you want to make some,
so i s'pose that's the next thing to discus and describe.
-
*
BLOOBWHITECHOCONUTS!
-
preheat your oven to 350℉
-
in an appropriately-proportioned mixing bowl, combine and cream:
1 stick (8T) vegan butter;
3/4 cup sugar;
2 tsp vanilla;
1/2 tsp salt.
once completely blended, stir in:
2/3 cup non-dairy yogurt (you could totally use blueberry or vanilla here, for exxtraness)
-
next, add:
2 1/4 cups a.p. flour;
1/3 cup macaroon-fine unsweetened coconut;
1 tsp baking powpow;
1 tsp baking soda;
1/2 cup wild small blueberries;
one huge handful vegan magic white chocolate chips;
and one cup of non-dairy milk.
combine all of that, gently, but completely,
and scoople it evenly into your greased cupcake/muffin tins.
i got a dozen regular-sized, and two dozen midi-minis...
-
some of 'em have that streusel.
y'all eff with y'boi dr. streus?
ha!
oh, c'mon.
it's a scoop of vegan butts, a bigger scoop of powdered sugar,
a spoonful or two of that fine coconut, and oats, cut together until clumpy.
eyeball it. that's a great way to intuit your own hottness.
i've literally never measured streusel ingredients.
why?
because the worst case scenario is you made cookie dough,
and the best case is that there's a a lot of it.
throw those crOmbles on top,
and bake those bad little blumps for 30 minutes.
guys!
they're too freakin' tasty, and they caused problems amongst all my peoples.
yup.
two dozen bite-sized prizes, AND those crumb-caked bloobonauts from the future???
c'mon.
mutha-'uckers said they tasted like cereal.
like, they were called spookyfruits.
huh?
no. i have no idea what that means either.
i do know that the leftover raspberry frosting only served
as a magic metric activator for the flavors that were already inside these little nubs.
i ate a lot.
...we all ate a lot.
nobody felt bad.
how could we?
soft, firm, slightly textured toothsome treats are what we want all the time.
and that's just it: we HAVE those all the time.
is that what winning tastes like?
i think it might be.
***********
i get up pretty early.
not as early as some, but i do rise and shine
before the sun peeks out over the horizon.
my first light delights are well underway, every day,
from dark til dark,
bookending any bright spots under the cover of shadows.
that's real.
to add another darkside dimension to my mornings,
i'm kinda sore in ways i haven't been in an age.
that's also real.
rules is rules though,
and while nobody prefers a blarpity oddbody,
the proactive preventative process of push-ups for peepants is already bumming me out.
but, i mean, those are the rules.
for realsies,
i really did not think that pushing up was gonna wear me out.
y'know?
but, every single time i pee, the follow-up is twenty.
no.
i'm not kidding.
why peeing?
because it's dry af up here,
and i need to stay hydrated before i wither and shrivel and crumple into kindling.
so peeing often means plenty of liquid is coursing through my cells,
and pushing up means i get some sort of practical aesthetic benefit to all those bathroom breaks.
no.
it is not a lot of fun;
but it IS good for me, i think.
i'll tell you what, kids-
the first twenty in the a.m., and the last twenty before bed are the worst.
how long is this in effect for?
what's the duration of the decree?
well i won't be doing them in a public bathroom,
because i am NOT touchin' up on any sticky stinkfoot common areas, bro.
so,
it's conditional, but also not that conditional.
on the ones, when am i in a public bathroom?
or out in public?
seriously.
i'll be fine.
besides, broken is fixed?
maybe;
never quiet, never soft.....

MIDDLE MISSING!

man, i effed up a chocolate raspberry cake.
i did.
i should've know it was gonna go wrong,
but i ignored the nagging doubts at the edges of my mind,
and instead ran against time constraints and consistency obstacles,
which ended up bestowing me with a too-soft center in my treat.
yeah.
it happens... especially when using frozen fruit.
that's real.
unhappily,
 even with a longer baking time, the middle mas a muddy mush.
i'm telling y'all-
frozen raspberries are my enemy.
they are.
this is not the first time i miscalculated the hydration involved
especially since the batter was initially really flippin' thick.
it ended well.
i'll say that.
the edges all baked up like the best brownie you've ever eaten-
crispy on the contact surfaces, spongy and fudgy as the interior got gooey-
and FULL of deep chocolate flavor, and berry tartness,
and heavy-duty sweetness, too.
dudes!
check the adapt-and-overcome-type teleport:

CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHIP RASPBERRY RING BROWNIES BY ACCIDENT!!
yeah!!!!
the recipe is a little difficult to list accurately,
since an entire 3 1/2" center was excavated away.
there are three kinds of frosting,
AND raw sugar sprankles, however.
that's right.
too much is the right amount,
even when not enough has just happened to happen to the entire middle.
i think a higher baking temperature, for a longer time,
with convection circulation might've cured the ills that befell this baddie...
but it tastes F*ing great anyway.
and, the raspberry creamchee' betterestcreme, whipped chocolate,
and chocolate raspberry swirls on top didn't hurt it one little baby bit, either.
neighbors-
i'll tell you what i did,
in the hope that you can adjust for my mistakes-
it's like this:
-
*
YIKES!
-
preheat your oven to 365℉
-
in a medium mixing bowl, thoroughly mash:
1 cup demerara sugar;
1/2 tsp salt;
1 stick (8T) vegan butter;
2 tsp vanilla.
add 1/2 cup cocoa;
4 T non-dairy yogurt.
next, stir in:
1/2 cup lil mini chocolate chips;
2 1/4 cups a.p. flour;
1 tsp bakey kapowder;
1 tsp bakin' soda;
1/2 cup frozen raspberries;
1/2 cup non-dairy milk.
stir it up, spread it out in a pan-
i'd imagine a rectangle brownie pan would've been SO much smarter,
but i used a 9" springform, and that's where the mudbutt all went wrong.
alas,
even after an hour of baking, the innermost ring was still sh!t.
it sunk, and sucked, and suffered the price of failure-
that's correct.
i gave it the ol' middlectomy, and let the brownie battery big action do the rest.
it's good.
tastewise, it's actually freakin' incredible.
that's good news, at least.
try it yourself.
the flavor combination is at the top of my list;
i'm interested to see if you can make it better.
also, save me a piece, please.
***********
y'ever have one of the weird nightmares where you start out somewhere believable,
like the grocery store,
but in a short span of subconscious deciphering,
and smash-cut-scene sequences,
you're suddenly trying to find a whole entire misplaced human being
from inside of a small medicine cabinet,
looking into bandage wrappers, frantically,
for the make-fun mocking voice that's calling for you?
no?
hmmm...
that's weird.
because i had that happen last night, and i woke up alarmed.
i didn't know where i was at first....
and almost immediately, i felt sorry.
ha!
shoutouts to the 90's indie rock,
but also,
shoutouts to less-than-restful slumber.
i've got bags under my eyes, guys.
also,
i decided to decree a '20 push-ups every time i have to pee' mandate.
uh-huh.
and rules is rules,
not to mention that hydration is essential,
so we'll see how it goes.
no sleep, weird dreams an sets on sets of pushing up.
january is ending on kind of a sour minor key note, bro.
that's no joke;
never quiet, never soft.....

ROCK CITY!

detroit-style deep dish pizza.
do you know about it?
the dough is fat, but it's also light.
the edges are crispy,
and there's a whole mess of cheese under everything else.
dudes,
it's cooler than robocop.
and he's the coolest thing in detroit.
yeah.
i made some, from scratch, as soon as i got home from work,
for a super saturday night pizza party,
and my main mango, nate, came through for a shark-gluttonous powerhouse pig-out
and together, we took down an epic acre of expert rectangular action.
word.
check the motor-city-madman-type teleport:

daaaaaaaaaamn.
if i were the type to count calories,
i'd be feelin' pretty flippin' badly about myself right now;
but since i'm NOT, i'm feelin' on top of the world,
in a greasy-rimmed garlic sprankled righteous right-angled corner-slicin' food euphoria.
that's real.
the dough is dope,
and the pan was buttered,
and oiled,
and ready to rise up and crust somebody.
good bread makes better people,
and good bread makes for deeper doper detroitier dish pizza, too.
lemme let you know about this dough, bro:
-
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PIZZA PAN CAESAR SEIZURES!
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2 1/4 cups a.p. flour;
3/4 cup semolina flour;
2 tsp salt;
2 tsp sugar;
1/4 cup olive oil;
1 pkg yeast (2 1/2 tsp);
plus:
scant cup warm water, w/ 2 exxxtra tsp bloomed bread machine yeast,
and a squeeze of agave to activate the hottness.
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knead it all in your stand mixer for eight minutes, on low;
or by hand, only that means you'll be at it forever,
possibly because you love having popeye forearms.
cover it and let it rise for 15,
then drop it into a rectangular 10" x 14", greased, and press it to the edges,
so it can rise inside the proper form.
...it's thick as heck, man. and it's fluffy, too.
you're going to want a HOT oven for the baking part.
i had mine reppin' 480℉ with convection circulation.
that's hot, and that helps.
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i also used two different daiya non-dairy cheeses.
mmhmmm.
i minced up some provolone-style jauns,
which comes in slices to begin with (i used 4 slices).
i also minced up some shredded mozzarella,
because it's much better when it's even smaller.
yup.
rules is rules around here, and that's one of 'em.
i also drizzled olive oil around the crust where it touched the buttery pan,
and i dusted a teaspoon of nootch on it, to.
one of the things about detroit deepness is the burnt chee' rim.
i don't have brick cheese, i don't want brick cheese, and i don't need brick cheese.
i did, however, toss some haphazard mozz againt the edges, just to see what'd happen.
and you can see that it was good.
like, really good.
the crust was airy inside, soft at the chee' top, crusty af on the sides,
and crisp like you read about on the bottom.
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i got kale on top.
and braised broccolini.
that's right.
naturally, there are caramelized onions, too.
they're on there in abundance,
because those muthas are what you need on some expert pizza.
also,
browned and burly baby bella mushies made their mark.
mmmmm.
you gotta precook 'em to deslime the surfaces.
nobody likes rubbery wet nibs, neighbors.
it's not a good look.
the fried garlic spranks do their duty, as does cracked black pepper..
and what's a deep dish without crushed tomatoes on top?
it's wrong.....that's what.
i got a little fancy, kids.
i did.
and i tossed on some little bitty basil leaves, for color and flavor an' that.
awwwwww.
i think those lil exxtras are pretty cute.
yeah, that's right, i said it;
and don't you dare judge me for wanting to munch up on adorable food, man.
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sooooo,
full disclosure-
i have NO idea how long i baked this big baddie for.
nope.
i put it in, turned it once when the crust was getting golden,
and let it run until the darkness was deepening,
and the chee' was bubbling,
and the whole house had that garlic aroma flicking at the edges of our brains.
y'know?
like when you walk outside, then come back inside, and the smells are so awesome
you almost get sad that your brain had gotten so used to them?
so, you go outside and back in again, just to recharge the appreciation....
uh-huh.
i do that.
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pizza night is always good.
i trust in pizza, and it's never misplaced.
trust, however, is usually otherwise pretty hard to come by.
it's no longer in my nature to initially put my faith in other people.
i mean, i trust in pizza,
but i'm also the mutha-'ucker making the pizza;
so mostly, i'm just trusting myself.
that's a hard style.
especially since my life overlaps with others,
and those intersections require cooperation and communication and consideration.
which is no easy endeavor if you're counting on all of 'em letting you down.
damn, guys.
that's not very optimistic, is it?
don't i know it.
here's the thing:
we can all only exert proactivity on our own productivity.
creating worth-a-sh!t experiences that should attract like-minded warrior poets.
i'm not letting anyone down.
we'll see where that takes us.
i trust in pizza, and i'm willing to share it.
i trust in myself, and i'm willing to share that, too.
i don't trust none of y'all tho.
nope.
if our interests run parallel, i'll be seeing you.
if they're divergent, i'll be heading out to points north.
there's got to be more that just pizza out here.
although, i've seen little evidence to suggest that;
never quiet, never soft.....