Tuesday, February 21


damn, dudes-
i had one of those forever running late kind of days yesterday.
i did.
and i don't flourish and prosper in those conditions.
i don't.
i always feel like there's so much more to do.
i'm just that kind of guy,
which in turn has made that a specific kind of tolerable anxiety.
when i'm moving as quickly, and performing effectively, as i am able
and i'm still just running in place,
while shoveling sh!t against the tide?
in those instances,my very thinly-covered second skin of berserker barbarian
starts to show through the careworn carapace of calm i'm barely keeping control of.
that's no bueno, neighbors.
it's like this-
i got up early,
and made some of my custom rainbow fiesta guacamole.
because mexican monday is expert, y'goof.
by the time i got home........late,
i was ready to tear out the last ten or so hairs on my head,
and the thought of enchiladas was fully an hour and a half
past the parameters where they'd seem acceptable to start.
did i let that stop me?
c'mon, kids.
we all know that even when it's a huge bummer,
and even when there's no time,
there's not actually NO time,
in fact,
i think that really just makes it GO time.
here's the thing-
burritos are hard to take sexy photos of.
i mean,
a floury full-diaperload of wrapped up and tucked away stuff?
that doesn't look good even in the nicest of tortillas...
and when you do the thing, where it's covered in sauce,
so it looks like a rock by the seaside, with all that ocean crap and birdsh!t on it?
...that's a other 'nother 'no thank you'.
i have a solution, though.
well, no.
i don't think that's the answer.
if you cut a burrito in half to show the cross section,
then it just became a wrap with rice.
and the only wrap i F*s with has no w in it.
the solution is the full deconstructed view,
a.k.a. the burrito bowl.
check the answer-type teleport:

that's that doo-doo butthole gurgle goodness,
and that's the fat dookie dopeness that we can make in twenty effin' minutes or less.
wordimus primo, my amigos.
no time, no problem.
we're home, we're safe, the day is done, and dinner awaits us.
it's decompression from the chronospheric aggression
of a hectic harried heck of the day.
start with the guacamole,
and start waaaaaaaay earlier.
we want the garlic and the onions and the citrus
to really infuse the whole thing with flavor-
you are using lemon and lime in your guac, right?
man, i hope so.
y'want a refresher on the requirements for rainbow fiesta guacamole?
rainbow fiesta guacamole!
1/3 poblano pepper;
1/2 jalapeno pepper;
1 each red, orange, yellow mini baby sweet peppers;
4 T red onion;
^^all minced up, in little cute bitsies^^
2 T shredded spring onion/scallion greens;
cilantro, to taste (don't be weak, eat your soapy-scented leaves, babies)
2 cloves crushed garlic;
1 tsp each Garlic Powder and Onion Powder;
salt, pepper;
3 avocados;
lemon and lime juice, for tastiness and acidic preservation.
moosh it all together,
and let it hang out in the fridge until later.
so, that's that.
what else do we have going on?
rice, with sriracha chili flakes and lime juice  for the base,
spooned out over shredded baby spinach and purple cabbage.
there're fresh tomatoes, and red chili pepper rings.
we have sauteed black beans, with a little mesa chipotle seasoning in there.
that's GPOP, cumin, chipotle pepper, smoked paprika, and cayenne.
....and it's also pretty dang delicious.
plus, the big action, activated with green peppery cholula verde ho'sauce.
homemade seitan, asada-be-kidding-me style.
it might even be asada-assata-shakur style.
i mean, it IS pretty radical, even if it's not hiding out in cuba post jailbreak.
seitan is still the big business in my house.
and i made a huge pot of it.
(i've got plans, man.)
Folk Life & Liberty Seitan!
1 cup wheat gluten;
1/4 cup chick pea flour;
3 T tapioca starch;
2 T nutritional yeast;
2 tsp ea. GPOP;
fresh cracked black pepper;
1 cup broth,
+ 2 T soy sauce,
+ 1/2 tsp liquid smoke.
kneaded, rolled into a rough log.
rested for fifteen minutes at least.
sliced into slabs.
^ this step is my personal favorite.
some people refer chunks or shreds, or whatever....
but here's the smart move-
you can shred or chunk a big slab,
but you can't combine shreds into slabs,.
start big, get small, use your head.
simmered in a big pot of frothing
salty liquid-smoked broth ( think 6-8 cups)
for at least 30 minutes.
i store it in broth, in an airtight container,
and it'll last the week, if somehow i'm not using it up asap.
seitan: check.
sliced into strips, just like the poblano and red onion
that go along for the ride,
all sizzled up fajita-style,
on high heat,
with oregano and thyme, cumin and smoked paprika,
a little coriander seed, black pepper, ancho chili pepper, and
GPOP, (rules is rules).
softened up with a little ho'sauce and a slash of soy.
which in turn caramelized on the exterior of those spicy slices.
and naturally, we gotta hit it with scallion and cilantro sprankles.
we wouldn't want to skimp out on the extra-goodness.
lime wedges?
toasted whole wheat tortillas?
i put 'em in there,
but i sure wasn't losing my mind over 'em.
that last remnant of burrito was NOT a key element.
feel free to omit those beige stupids when you make yours.
you'll notice i didn't give amounts of rice, or beans, or seitan.
a. too much is the right amount.
and b. you're probably not just cooking for one.
so make enough for you and your people.
i don't know how hungry y'all are.
only you can decide if you're a bunch of delicate sodababies,
or a savage stormswept sect of shark-gluttons.
you choose your own level of involvement,
i just relay the relevant ingredients.
it's a cooperative effort.
a little how-to, a little improvisation,
and a whole bunch of active participation.
burrito bowls, tho, bro.
twenty minutes,
while the semi-ready-already rice did what it does.
i believe in you;
never quiet, never soft.....

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