the cookies avalanche has launched,
and it's an onslaught that can't be eaten fast enough.
real talk,
i have been devouring a dosage of dopeness far greater than most
mere mortals can manage.
seriously.
eleven cookies is a lot of cookies;
but,
even though almost a dozen cookies is impressive,
eleven kinds of cookies is what's poppin',
and it leaves the door open to ingesting multiple dozens all damned day long.....
and if they're there,
and they're only purpose is to get munched up.....
well,
then i've gotta doo-doo that munchy-munch-up style sh!t. kids.
i mean,
i wouldn't want to miss out, otherwise would i?
no way.
so,
it's stacks on stacks of shortbread and buttersnaps
and all the big action in between,
with sprankles and sugar and dusted cocoa,
and several sorts of other other sexy sweet confection creations,
each and every available option all being terrorized by my teeth
for the entirety of the afternoon until there's nothing left.
friends,
i am a destroyer of delights..
perhaps i secretly only bake treats so i can wreck them with my mouth.
(just like every single other thing i've ever encountered)
awwww.
anyway,
i made some good ones,
and i'd like to show you-
check the teleport:
viennese whirls, reinterpreted.
yeah.
the british, non-austrian piped-out swirls that have so much crunch,
and so much airy lightness,
and a properly poised balance of toothy crumb and buttery smoothness.
i made that.
and i pumped the better buttery batter out of a pastry bag into circles,
with the critical cornmeal kernels keeping the whole thing together.
then,
i filled them with double-whipped coffee frosting filling,
and hit 'em up with a snowy kiss of powerful powdered sugar spritzin'.
mmmmmm.
that's expert.
and because cut-outs are a key component of crimbotime,
we punched out some radiantly inscribed star shapes,
and baked up soooo many dozens of brown sugar buttersnaps from the future.
damn,
it's like taking a boring old sugar cookie,
and instead of trying to polish a turd,
we just begin by throwing it away,
and then upgrade the whole idea by replacing it with the mutha-F*ing TRUTH.
that's no joke.
plus,
i popped out a few more coconut peanut butter dark chocolate no-bake actual cookies, too.
because hearts are cute as heck,
and being cute is good for you at XImastime.
ha.
*
these jauns took sometime,
and i think i utilized the limitations of the hours ahead to my advantage.
i've got papers and papers and papers to wrap and roll and cut and crimp and crease,
and magic tape that only performs one trick,
which happens to be the exact same trick that all non-magic tape does, too.
i like wrapping gifts,
but i ALWAYS experience the angsty anxiety of provided shystie piles.
y'know?
like,
when the stack of color-coordinated new hottness looks pretty short, or sparse?
ugh.
that's the WORST feeling.
no kidding.
i'm only shopping for three people,
an everybody else is gettin' the big x'd out O.
that's like hugs and kisses xoxo, but without either.
ha.
however,
the shystie piles leave me up at night worrying that i haven't adequately
proven my gratitude and appreciation through generosity.
and i can't hang out with that.
do i break the bank,
or break my own heart?
that's a no brainer, broski-
save your homemade sh!t for sentimental suckholes,
i want to know how many dollars worth of love you have for me.
i'm low on precious metals,
but i'm stocked up on metallic foil for spoiling my peoples;
never quiet, never soft.....
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