Tuesday, April 10


what's the best way to move forward without too much sorrow,
sadness, depression, and despair,
once sandwich week has finally officially ended?
there is only ever one answer,
and it always the right one:
F* yes.
nothing overcomes bummers like a slice of hot, fresh, and tasty pizza.
...and THIS one right here?!
glorious. heavenly. expert. TILTY af.
check the teleport:

c'mon, man.
this is IT.
a full grandma pan of the deepest dopest doughski-mo on the block.
and it's got ALL the flavor.
it starts with the crust-
and it spreads throughout every fiber of the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
real talk.
this kind of healing magic is like druids and shamans and wizards and sh!t.
i feel better, kinda.
(i have laryngitis, and it is a literal waking nightmare, because normally i talk a LOT)
so, the dough, though-
turn your oven ON (with a striptease, perhaps) preheating it to 485℉
in your stand-up mixer, with a dough hook doing it's duty, mix:
1 1/3 cups bread four (high protein, high rise);
1 cup a.p. flour;
2 tsp salt;
1 tsp sugar;
1 pkg fast actin' yeast;
3+ T softened vegan butter;
let that mix up a bit,
and add:
1+ cup warm water, bloomed with 2 tsp bread machine yeast and 1 tsp agave,
sat for 11 minutes for maxxximum activation-
knead it all on that hook, on lowish medium speed, for ten more minutes,
until it's a shiny, cohesive, sexxxy ball of beauty, and let it rise while the oven keeps heating.
after twenty or so minutes, you can stretch it out in an oiled grandma pan, man.
that's the stuff.
it's cool, it can keep rising until you and your oven are ready.
now while my oven was preheating, i roasted the heck out of
some baby-sized red potatoes- quartered and olive oiled-
until they were well-browned and crisp.
potatoes on pizza is what smart people do, dudes.
try it, you'll feel smarter i promise.
i caramelized half a large sweet onion, too.
i don't eff with pizza sans onions.
i just don't.
so, the order of ops was like this:
crushed tomatoes, ripped baby kale, carmies, minced daiya mozzarella.
that's the base, and it's DOPE.
next, halved grape tomatoes and roasty toasty potatoes, evenly spaced.
and after that?
well, after THAT the new hottness took form.
word up.
3 bias-cut homemade red lentil seitan sausages,
simmered in smoked paprika, hot paprika, black pepper, half a cup of water,.
and a few glugs of olive oil had the whole house poppin' with power, people.
that's for realsies.
the exxxtra liquid had 'em juicy, the exxxtra spice had 'em spicy and smoky,
and the fact that they're from-scratch had me and my buddy dylan,
a fellow pizza enthusiast,
freakin' out over all the flavor exxxplosions we were being bombarded with.
on the ones,
these jauns were extraordinary.
and that wasn't even IT, neighbors.
after all, rules is rules-
and you KNOW i gotta have fried garlic sprankles on there.
that's my signature move.
this big bad mama baked up with a FAT crust, and thicccness in every direction,
it was fluffy like italian bread, but still firm enough to withstand the sag test.
y'feel me?
heck yes.
we freaked it off with a lil bit of italian snobbery, and tossed some arugula on there.
too much is the right amount, and MORE stuff means better pizza.
true story.
pizza is my favorite,
and it pulled me up from my sandwich withdrawals quick, fast, and in a hurry.
what's better than pizza?
i'll wait.....
and that's coming from someone who effs with pizza on the regular.
no voice?
no bueno.
fever? pretty neat.
a little change of season spring head cold never hurt anybody, did it?
i'll be thrilled to breath these germs into the confines of AMPERSAND TATTOO,
and share them with any and all of y'all who feel like sniffling for a bit.
me without the ability to converse is like gluten-free pizza-
it still counts, but barely, and it kind of F*ing sucks.
this is my day, kids,
and i'm SO sure that traipsing along in the still freezing temperatures of the morning
will do wonders to heal me, too.
crabtree doesn't listen anyway,
but try to get a stubborn shark-bullet to give a single sh!t
when all you've got are sharp whistles and waving arms.
it's all really happening.
i guess i should maybe think about all the worth-a-sh!t things i wish i was saying
and maybe use more of those, instead of filling in all the quiet spaces in the studio
with an everlasting sonic syllable assault.
i s'pose we'll see once the ol' voicebox is back in action;
never quiet, (except today) never soft.....

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