Tuesday, April 3


y'all ain't even ready for day two.
you'd better hold onto somethin', and brace yourselves,
because the newest new hottness is a bass-boosted subsonic supernova
of deli-style supersexxxiness!
i'm serious.
you don't even know about this much level eleven expertism yet.
like, u.o.e.n.o., bro.
...but you're 'bout to.
check the springtime-pretty dinnertime-dirty teleport:

like those grill marks? me too!
how about all that pastel easter-season color coordination?
i know, right?!
y'boi is a sandwich architect, building new monuments to the best eight days in a row.
shouts out to sandwich week for being the first best thing
to actually utilize the former best thing- which is of course to say:
sliced bread.
homemade toasted caraway seeded dark rye sourdough bread.
i got you.
(vegan) buttered, assembled, pan-toasted (grilled chee'-style),
and pressed under the cast-ironing board for those bad-A* brown hasmarks.
that good-good bread is key, for sure.
but, i'll bet you're wondering:
what else is in a vegan reuben studdard?
maaaaan, be patient. i'm obvi gonna tell you-
just look a little bit closer, first:

c'mon, neighbors.
that's SO pretty in pink and purple.
we've got dill pickles, and shredded purple cabbage,
and grilled thin-sliced smoky black-pepper seitan.
that's standard seitan slabs, all from scratch, (four fat ones)
sliced lengthwise into sheets, and marinated in a heavy shake of ground black pepper,
a tablespoon of tamari, and a lil' splash of liquid smoke, olive oiled,
and baked on parchment until the edges get brown in a 420℉ oven
doing double duty for some fries.
that's the way to go when you're headed to victory.
multipurpose multi-use multi-tasks are mandatory during sandwich week.
olive oil and a hot pan are all you need to activate the BEST cabbage on earth.
you need one firm, dense, green cabbage, quartered.
take one of those quarters and halve it.
now lay it cut sides down until they char, flip it and repeat the process
on medium-high heat with the sizzles serenading your eardrums, kid.
break 'em up, and let the long lengths of leafy love toast a bit more.
you can't really overdo it; at least, not if you love the taste of greatness.
that's real.
let's recap.
there's good bread; pickles; double cabbage, crispy-fried and raw crOnchy;
all that's all good stuff.
there's seitan making a heroic effort to stand in for corny-A* beefin'...
but that'snot all, y'all.
no way.
too much is the right amount,
and sandwiches always need MORE flavor.
that's why we have those perfectly pickled red onions.
one red onion, peeled and sliced, just barely covered in cider vinegar,
with a few cracks of big crystal pink salt, a spoonful of raw sugar,
and a half teaspoon of black peppercorns,
plus a dash of whole mustard seeds, a pinch of celery and caraway seeds,
and a little baby bit of crushed red pepper flakes,
brought to a boil, reduced to a simmer, and allowed to bubble for fifteen minutes,
and rest all damned day,
so the whole bowl if ready to exxxplode your whole face with flavorful freshness.
that's real.
damn, duders. that's one heck of a sandwich, huh?
hang on even tighter,
because there's MORE.
how about homemade vegan sandwich sauce?
F* yes, buddy.
now maybe you can see why sandwich week is the TRUTH!
1/4 cup vegan mayo ( i'm a vegenaise man, myself);
2 tsp black pepper ketchup (melinda is my homegirl);
1 tsp sriracha;
1/4+ cup wasabi powder (it's actually just horseradish, don't sleep on reality, b);
1 T nootch;
1/2 tsp ea. GPOP;
1/2 tsp paprika (for color);
1 tsp tamari.
that's the stuff.
and it's essential and integral to activating the molto magical masterworks of this sandwich.
the hot press doesn't hurt either.
did i add a side of that slightly-soviet sauce for fry dippin'?
heck yes i did.
rules is rules.
y'can't come through on the weak sauce  or the waterbaby lil b!tchbag tip.
this is a time for professional appreciation,
active participation,
inventiveness and creation,
and everything else is irrelevant.
get back to me next monday if you want to be a bummer.
sylvan esso was fan-F*ing-tastic.
full stop.
those two weirdies know how to make it nicey-nice.
the sound was perfect.
the lights were tight af.
her creepily beautiful voice was 100% on point.
everything was expert.
it could well be that i was still euphoric from that sandwich, though.
i'll take it.
sharing all the good things is good for you.
we spanned time, we spanned space, we expanded to the limits of both.
it's all really happening,
and that's the whole point.
unfortunately, as far as this morning goes?
we outta time,
so the easter treats i STILL haven't told y'all about will have to wait a nother 'nother day.
you'll live, i'll live, we'll live, and tomorrow we'll read all about it;
never quiet, never soft.....

No comments: