Monday, April 9


a strong finish is pretty much a necessity to any sandwich week.
without a grand finale, a fond farewell fête,
and a fabulous fuego feast for our faces,
it'd sorta be kind of a bummer.
like, if the last bite was bad, the whole thing would feel ruined.
...and we wouldn't wanna go out like a batch of lil baby b!tches, would we?
no way!
and that's why i baked up the best bread yet,
and filled it with from-scratch vegan chickie parmie, dudes.
yes, i did,
and yes, it was F*ing off-the-hinges expert.
no lie.
check the teleport:

i was deep into some italian SAUCE, and it felt as natural as breathing.
shoutouts to y'boi's innate marinara magic, y'heard?
where should i begin?
that bread is FLUFFY, guys. almost as light as a feather, even.
without it, this jaun would've been less amazing,
but that's how it goes, right?
everything converges at one focal point and turns up the awesome all together,
making altogether MORE hottness than any one solo singular component.
preheat your oven to 375℉
in your incalculably useful stand mixer, with the dough hook on, knead up:
1 1/4 cups bread flour;
1 cup a.p. flour;
(i should mention that i ONLY use king arthur flour, because it is THE BEST.)
4 T vegan butter, softened;
1 1/2 tsp saalt;
1 tsp sugar;
1 pkg fast-actin' yeast;
1 + cup warm water;
1 T agave;
2 tsp bread machine yeast, bloomed.
combine the agave, water and b.yeast, stir, and let it activate for ten minutes,
while the butter and flour hang out patiently waiting.
add it all in, and knead it on low-medium for ten (or more) actual minutes,
until that high-protein bread flour really gets smooth and sensual-
let that dough ball rise, covered, for thirty minutes,
shape up some loaves ( i made 3), and space 'em less than an inch apart on a floured tray.
cover them with plastic, and let 'em puff up again, for another 'nother fifteen minutes,
olive oil the tops, score the tops, and bake them on a stone (preferably) for 20 minutes.
these were almost unbelievably dope.
no jokes.
but, i believe it, because i ate it.
you need some. you really, really do.
and that marinara??
you know i F* with N.T.S.W.T.S. right?
never the same way twice sauce?
well, i DO do that freaky sh!t, and this version was as exceptional as every other-
half a sweet minced onion, a huge clove of crushed garlic,
half a carrot, chopped into itty-bitties, sauteed in olive oil until soft,
with 2 cups of crushed tomatoes, 2 T red wine vinegar, and 2 T of nootch-
before a healthy shake of both Garlic Powder and Onion Powder,
oregano, basil, thyme, sage, parsley, pink salt, and black pepper-
plus half a cup of water, and a pinch of sugar, just to bump it up.
i confess, i also added a tablespoon of crushed fire-roasted tomato flakes, too.
and anpother punch of fresh curly parsley right at the end-
it's in my infinite nature to eff with things a little exxxtra.
i am beholden to the floorplan of my future, friends, what can i say?
i let it simmer for the whole morning, and it really helped turn up the well-blended
perfectly-spiced flavor profile to eleven.
why settle for chumplestiltskin-A*-havin' jar sauce when you can activate ALL the
turbo-elite supertastes yourself?
on the ones: homemade tastes better.
...unless you suck.
radicchio, arugula, and baby kale fulfilled the leafy salad sexxxiness portion of the sarnie.
caramelized grilled onions took care of the big mommy umami spot,
and fresh parsley sprankles made sure that
the rules is rules section was satisfied, too.
we covered all the bases, as the basis on which sandwich week is built.
lemme tell you all about that chickenless red lentil wheat gluten BOOMFIRE, bro.
it's so friggin' good, i made nine, and i ate five of them.
there are NO leftovers. i feel no guilt, nor shame.
i did what needed doing,
which was to indulge in superior savage stormswept shark-gluttony.
that's my purpose, and it's been fulfilled.
prepare the red lentils-
1/2 cup red lentils;
1 1/2 cups broth;
2 T olive oil;
1/2 minced onion;
2 cloves crushed garlic;
oregano, basil, sage, black pepper, nutritional yeast (to taste)
GPOP (obvi)-
onions and garlic first, to soften,
then red lentils for another couple of minutes,
then liquids and spices all simmered for twenty or so minutes...
just cook 'em until they're mushy, and allow to cool a little, before adding them to:
> 1 cup wheat gluten;
4 T chick pea flour;
MORE sage and oregano and nootch;
you should end up with a soft spongy dough that pulls apart easily-
i rolled out all nine evenly-sized balls, and flattened them nicely into cutlets.
i mean, i haven't had a chicky parm in decades, but i know what they look like-
i baked them in an oiled brownie pan, with 1 cup of broth, covered,
in that same 375℉ oven, for twenty minutes.
and they came out great-
so what did i do next?
i covered them in that fresh SAUCE,
and added half a cup of minced daiya mozzarella,
and a punch of crushed up nutritional yeast flakes all over the top-
put the foil back on, and gave 'em fifteen MORE minutes.
friends, you don't wanna sleep on these.
they are the TRUTH!!!
i mean it.
and the sandwich soared to immeasurable heights because of them.

THAT'S HOW YOU CLOSE OUT sandwich week!
even dylan, who is NOT vegan,
but also NOT narrow-minded,
and also also a professional appreciator of good food,
tuned his up in record time, with the help of a bit of exxxtra dippin' sauce.
of course i had MORE sauce-
too much is the right amount!
what do you think i am?
an A*-hole?
...and do you think an A*-hole would bring homemade, from-scratch,
fresh-baked chiggy sanguinis to his dudes?
that's what i figured.
and just like that,
eight glorious days come to a conclusion.
sandwich week,
i love you, and i'll miss you.
...oh, stop.
don't cry.
i'll be seeing you again before you know it.
i have it on good authority ( my calendar)
that july starts on a sunday, too, this year.
so, get ready, because we're back at it sooner than later.
and now,
the big news that'll have half this area rejoicing:
at present, i do NOT possess a voice.
i have laryngitis.
that's real.
no voice.
the pippiest squeaks hurt to produce.
that's my actual kryptonite.
i. can't. talk. at. all.
real talk (figuratively) that's a real bummer of a way to go to bed,
and an even worse way to wake up.
like, it didn't fix itself at all overnight-
weird, right?
i know! today is the day,
and arguably, it's nate's lucky day.
an entire workday with no audible input from me.
wishes do come true,
but not all miracles are victimless, buddy.
remember that;
never quiet, never soft.....

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