but, to make 'em, you need a F*ing ton of sugar.
or maybe not, if you're into avocados and black beans in your cake.
that ain't me, though.
i like more cake in my cake, and avocado on my salad and sh!t.
yeah.
the thing is, i knew i was gonna have a FAT day.
i knew it because i woke up,
and the first thought i had was how to get MORE cacao into my mouth in the morning.
the answer, after a big scoople in my antioxidant smoothie,
was to also ,make something sweet and rich and brown.
here's what happened:
CAKE/brownie/bars/somethin'.
they're fluffy, spongy, springy, and super-elite.
that's real.
here's how it happened:
>1 cup organic sugar;
1 stick vegan butter (8T);
1/2 tsp salt;
2 tsp vanilla;
2/ cup vanilla non-dairy yogurt;
1/3 cup raw cacao powder.
whipped into a muddy froth, all together,
and activated with:
1 cup non-dairy milk.
whipped again, so all the wet stuff was in one wild stormswept savage sea
of chocolaty moosh.
then it just gets better, with;
2 1/2 cups flour;
2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
aerated all the way with that whisk on your trusty, upstanding stand-up mixer.
obvi.
you could do it by hand, but it'll just suck twice if you try it.
-
baked, in a greased brownie pan, spread evenly, at 350℉, for 35 minutes,
you've got something ridiculous on your hands.
honestly, why is it so expert?
it's just cake, presumably, y'know?
except it's not.
it's better. a LOT better.....you'll see.
-
that ganachey drippy, drizzly, decadent chocolate SAUCE, tho.
that's a mishap that went right.
huh?
oh, it wasn't what i wanted, but it was dope ayway.
ha.
yep. that's what happens sometimes when you don't measure anything.
i think i'm doing something cool, but i'm really grossly under/overestimating
the skill-to-attention ratio, and getting it wrong.
it happens.
i wanted mousse. i got sauce.
too much is the right amount, right?
for sure. just, be sure it's the right ingredient, first.
womp womp.
overly wet melted chocolate isn't good for anybody.
it worked, and it's tasty af, and it held all the goodness on top.
that's all great news.
but, whipped mousse would've been better, and what i intended.
just sayin'.
-
toasted coconut, medium flake unsweetened sexxxiness.
as sprankles.
that's the right answer.
and again, don't get that bendy, limp easter baskety grass-type doo-doo strand stuff.
that's what poor people do; and besides, it's practically poison, so avoid it.
*
the cakiness of the crumb, tho.
that's the future of brownie time.
they're rich, but they're light, but they're solid, but they're fluffy.
that's tight, bro.
for realsies.
***********
there's more to life than treats, it seems.
as meditative and methodical, and pleasingly procedural,
and productively practical as it is,
i think i just provide the means to undermine my own feelings.
no, really.
do you have any idea how hard it is to NOT eat ALL the brownies?
sure, maybe some folks can have just A brownie.
and very proud we are of all of them....
but, i want every brownie.
mine all mine all mine all mine.
you know i've got that P.M.A., and through the power of positivity,
i often actually do resist most of those temptations.
and you must also know i've been on that appropriate reaction activation,
since lunar new year, which was a little minute ago by now,
so when i do slip up, i avoid falling right off the edge
and into the deep end of shark-gluttonous treats infested dark waters.
that's helpful.
but, one brownie is all it takes, man.
ok, three, maybe four. i don't remember, exactly.
i sorta blacked out after the first one.
that's a F*ing problem.
or, worse, saying NO to lunch pizza.
because i never say no to lunch pizza.
here's the issue-
i don't wanna look worse, but there's very little time available to exercise MORE.
i also don't wanna miss out on these expert vegan treats i make,
but there's very little restraint once the seal is cracked even just a little.
that's just it-
how will i know if what i'm making is turbo-amazing if i don't try it?
but, then how can i just try it a little bit, without gorging myself on all of it,
especially once i taste how reliably amazing each individual element is when combined??
damn.
i know the answers,
i just don't have the answers;
never quiet, never soft.....
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