wrenching.

sleeping on the floor,
curled up in a little teeny tiny ball for warmth,
while the surprise temperature drop makes
normal people put on socks and get under the covers?
that's right, neighbors.
i doo-doo that colder and harder style floor sleepin' sh!t.
yeah.
now,
i could have easily gotten into a bed.
i could've closed a window, even.
i could've gotten a pillow, at the very least.
but that's not really how it goes, y'know?
c'mon. you do know.
once the decision to have a bad time is made,
no half-measure of compromise is ever gonna work.
so instead,
i shivered my way to morning,
with about four winks worth of unawake and unaware time-
uh-huh.
that's a decimated dose of rest.
you can guess what type of morning this is, right?
wrong!
there's no such thing as waking up on the wrong side of the floor.
all sides of the bottom of the room are the correct side.
it was hard?
it's supposed to be.
it was uncomfortable?
yep. mission accomplished.
it was terrible?
yes. it was terrible.
and that was exactly what i was going for:
by comparison,
everything that happens today will be either less sh!tty,
or failing that,
will seem like more of a victory based on my introductory awakening.
if it's bad, it's better than not-sleeping on the floor.
if it's good, it's because not-sleeping on the floor couldn't hinder me.
smart.
if only i could stop yawning-
i think i look pretty bored as it is,
in-your-face-yawning isn't going to make the people i meet today
feel any more interesting, that's for sure.
purple circles where my eye sockets are?
yeah.
drawn skin and wan complexion?
yeah.
bad hair and worse face?
hell yeah.
today is another day,
another chance,
another inescapable unavoidable opportunity
to stay ugly,
and hopefully also stay dope.
that's the best i've got for y'all on two days without sleep.
it's all really happening, in a fugue state,
on the floor, in a fetal foldover, shivering.
you know you like it;
never quiet, never soft.....