Sunday, June 2


mmm mmm MMMMM.
i'm back on that suuuuugar, neighbors.
me and my sweet sweet boo-thang are back in business,
and we're making something magical happen, for sure.
the first of the month means a lot of things,
but one of the best parts for me is that i've decreed that the first is gonna
almost always be the day i bake up a big ol' batch of cinnamon buns.
because they're expert, and i love them.
why'd i say almost always?
ummmmmmm, because of sandwich weeks, obvi.
what are you?
an A*-hole?
don't be dumb.....rules is rules, after all.
ANYway, when it's the first of the month, and it isn't also sunday,
i'm definitely gonna be the guy gettin' down on some cinnamon spirals
with all the requisite intensity and enjoyment that you'd expect from
somebody who issues edicts about buns and designates dedicated days to 'em.
check the teleport:

that's right.
toasted pecan sprankles, to add that bigger, more robust taste and texture.
and do you even see how large and in charge these mofos are?
f'relly-real, though, dudes.
i could've made a dozen.
i only made eight.
that's MORE cinnamon swirl per bun per bite,
for softer centers and steamier dreamier sides.
i mean it.
nobody has more appreciation for a sweet sticky bun than y'boi who has been
without refined sugar for the past month.
real talk, i ate a LOT of them.
yeah. heck, i might've had six; don't worry about it.
would you like to know what i did to make such extravagant and luxurious treats?
you would?
here's my recipe:
preheat your oven to 375℉
in a small saucepot, over low heat slowly warm up:
1 cup non-dairy milk,
with 1/2 stick 4 T vegan butter, and 2 tsp vanilla.
*i added 1 tsp bread machine yeast as it cooled,
while it was warm enough to activate bubbles but not so hot that it killed those lil guys.
in your upright stand mixer with the dough hook attachment affixed in place,
3 cups king arthur flour;
1/2 tsp sea salt;
1 tsp vital wheat gluten;
1/4 cup brown sugar;
1 pkg fast-actin' yeast;
1/2 tsp cinnamon;
1/4 tsp nutmeg;
add the s'milk buttery wetness to those dry ingredients,
adjusting the liquid if necessary by adding 1-3 T warm water to keep your dough pliant.
knead all of that up for 11 minutes on lower speed,
cover it, and let it rise for 15.
combine and cream together:
6 T vegan butter;
1/2 tsp vanilla;
1 cup dark brown sugar;
cinnamon and nutmeg in heavy-handed shakes,according to your personal taste.
on a well-floured surface, roll out your dough into a big fat rectangle,
and spread the brown sugar mixture all the way to the ends.
leave one 1" long-side margin unsugared, to seal the seam as you roll up
the rectangle into a spiral log.
line a 9" springform pan with parchment paper.
keeping your log of luscious brown sugar hottness seam-side down,
slice it half with a bread knife-
do that 2x more with each subsequent half, and now you've got eight powerful pucks
to arrange in that pan, man.
let that rise for another few minutes,
then bake the whole thing for 25 minutes or until the tops are bubbly and golden brown.
there will be caramelized buttery sugar in the bottom, and soft centers in those spirals,
and crisp tops, and all of that is F*ing awesome-
but, too much is the right amount,
and we're for sure gonna also need icing....
so let 'em cool for five minutes,
and whip up a cup of powdered sugar, and vanilla, and cinnamon all together,
and add a teaspoon of non-dairy milk at a time to it,
and stir, until you've got that thick, sweet, sticky goodness ready to go.
i mean, if you've ever had a bun,
or maybe even just seen one, then you already know what we're going for here.
do that.
and then eat them all, y'all.
holy sh!t.
these were transcendent.
i'm sayin'.
it seems i maybe love sugar a whole lot,
and i absolutely missed it while i was away from it...
now while i may never indulge as heavily as i used to,
i might actually respect and admire it more after a long absence.
also, i did eat six of them, which i think is more like nine of them?
that's right.
don't put that much goodness in front of my face and think i'm gonna just look at 'em.
if i can smell 'em and see e'm and touch 'em?
you KNOW i have to have as many as i can manage as quickly as humanly possible.
that's what i do.
loud, fresh, hardness is the only style i rep.
it's getting busy around here.
AMPERSAND TATTOO was full yesterday.
the town is quickly being occupied by vacationers.
weekends mostly, for now, but there's more of 'em than ever before.
the woodsly goodness is full up, and there's lots and lots to do-
unfortunately for me, i'm still tired from friday.
that's what happens when you are mostly old.
you just be tired.
and even if you rest, it hangs out a little longer each time you go out and do anything.
stay home and go to bed.
that's more my speed today;
never quiet, never soft.....

No comments: