CHOC-U-LIT!

hey!
just cashed the check,
and i'm 'bout to spend it ALL on chonkyoolit!
hmm?
oh.
right.
that's chocolate to all you non-phonetic white folks out there.
ANYway,
i have been reppin' the silken tofu pretty hard lately.
first with that elite vegan ranch dressing,
which was featured on last night's tacos,
which weren't ready until well after the last light had faded,
and so,
there's no documentation of their savory, salty, seitan sexxxiness,
but trust your boy when he says:
they were right on it, like these tight pants, son.
word.
ok.
but getting back to chocolate-
check the teleport:

CHOCOLATE CREME PIE IS TOO DOPE!!!
duders,
cocoa and chocolate are your friends, that's real.
but,
if you're gonna front like you're not cool with them?
well, now,
they're also MY friends,
and around here, we have rules, man.
one of those is that friends take sides.
yup.
so, you can't hang out with us anymore.
now,
i hit this little thickie up with some cocoa on top,
which may or may not have been a great idea.
the tart zap of cocoa against the supersweet silkiness of the filling was expert.
the deadly dust-effect choke-out from that powdery puff was less so, tho.
yikes!
an appreciate inhale of that chilled chocolaty hottness had me almost asphyxiated.
worth it?
not quite, but still pretty damned tasty nonetheless.
-
.....is that a cocoa graham crust?
yes, it is.
you want one?
easy:
that's one pkg of chocolate grahams,
and half a pack of regular jauns,
with a few tablespoons of sugar, and a few tablespoons of cocoa,
pulverized into coarse crumbs in a food processor,
or, if you're really a crazy person, by hand....
add three tablespoons of melted vegan butter, a few teaspoons of vanilla,
and enough non-dairy milk to make it all stick together, 1 T at a time,
and kaPOW! you've got crust to crimp into a pie pan,
and bake at 350℉ for eleven minutes.
that's a crust, just like that.
-
the filling might even be easier to make-
1 pkg of silken tofu, pressed to remove most of that lame beanwater,
processed in the blades of our favorite kitchen tool,
with 2 T cocoa;
2 tsp vanilla;
3 T powdered sugar;
and 1 bag semi-sweet vegan dark chocolate chips, melted.
how easy?
TOO dang easy.
how delicious?
TOO dang delicious.
how expert?
c'mon, kiddo, you know how we doo-doo that freaky sh!t-
too much is the right amount-
that's where the cocoa and the kapowdered sugar shapes come in,
and that chocolate frosting jacobean ruff stuff, too.
if you don;t want MORE awesome,
what's wrong with you?
like, are you an ambitionless weakwater baby b!tchbag or something?
'cause i'm on some ferociously flavorful decadence over here, cuz,
and you're invited,
but only if you can hang out with this much dynamic delightfulness.
and if not?
no had feelings, bro, but stay home!
let me enjoy my whole damned pie by myself.
that's all there is.
*
there's a new batch of shelves and sh!t at the new spot.
we've been hanging mirrors and frames and everything else for days and days,
and have barely made a dent in the sheer volume of loud hard freshness.
that's impressive in and of itself, to me, anyway.
the new new super-turno deluxxxe deskly domination gets delivered today.
it needs a special truck to get here.
if that isn't some sumptuously luxurious big action,
then i dunno what it'd take to wow you, man.
also,
i should've probably asked how many dollars that's going to absorb out of my wallet.
ha.
except,
if you have to ask, you likely aren't ready for that much eliteness.
and i'm ready.
and i'm willing.
and i'm about to desk it up like an executive, homie.
this is it.
one more large part and parcel or the big picture,
plugged in and activated for the betterment of the whole dang thing.
i am so grateful for this time i've been given;
never quiet, never soft.....