mmmhmmmm.
who is a real jerk?
it's me.
no.
because of the spice rub, buddy.
take it easy.
sweet coconut jerk seitan?!
is that even a thing?
oh, yes, it's absolutely a F*ing thing,
and i stuffed my big dumb face full of it last night.
YEAH!!!
and that wasn't even the half of it.
duders,
i got pretty expert on a lime and coconut overlap attack,
in the theme of island time calypso magic an' that.
mmmhmmmmm.
but first, let me gripe a bit.
rainy dark and storminess is sometimes cool.
yet, if it pops up and pours out right when it's time for a suppertime photoshoot?
that's not cool.
so,
i had to use the big lightbulb,
and the worse location
(which didn't affect the flavors in any way whatsoever),
but had me a little put off during the pic taking portion of the program.
anyway, i'm never satisfied, so just check it out:
BOOMFIRE BUH BUH BUH BUMBASHOOT CALL ME NOWWWWW!!!!
hahahaha.
ISLAND RICE, BOI!!
that's jasmine rice, with 1 tsp fresh grated ginger,
and a smallish scraped splat of fresh turmeric,
1/2 a lime's zest, and a dash of salt,
plus juice of that same lime, at the finish line????
daaaaaaaaamn.
that's incredible, for as simple as it is.
get on it next time you're effing around with rice and that.
*
aaaand THAT SEITAN, THO!!!
homemade shredded wheat meat,
sauteed with onion, sweet bell pepper, jalapeno, poblano, and red chili,
plus big hunks of garlic, and a dash of cilantro-
and the seitan dusted and dredged through a special blend of spicy nicey-niceness-
that's cayenne, smoked paprika, turmeric, GPOP (obvi, always)
coriander, star anise, a subtle baby dash of cinnamon, cracked black peps,
pink salt, thyme, basil, red pepper flakes, fire-roasted tomato flakes, cumin,
and ground mustard.
sizzled in coconut oil,
with lime juice to deglaze the whole skillet a couple of times,
and agave added in to sweeten up the whole platter.
i didin;t measure a dang thing, but, you might want to start light,
and get heavier after a taste.... mine was straight FIRE to the point of sweaty hiccups,
which is to say, it was perfect.
mmm.
the red chili sprankles and jalapeno slices were especially hot for some reason,
but, then again,
too much IS the right amount, right?
hell yes it is.
i don't know why i thought that baby kale would make it less fiery.
i mean, since when has that ever been a thing?
and yet, i honestly was like: 'this'll cool it off'.
am i secretly optimistic, or just sometimes a little baby bit stoopid?
don't answer that, thank you very much.
*
JICAMA SLAW??!!?!
yes!
shredded jicama, spicy french radishes, radicchio, minced jalapeno,
parsley, cilantro, salt, pepper, and lime juice.
could that be easier?
only if you left something out.
ha!
*
PLATANOS!!!!!
coconut-oil fried, coconut sugar glazed, pink-sea-salted, lime zested,
and lime juice spritzed plantains for your FACE, neighbors!!
...BOOM.
with red chili spranks to fire 'em up, on top of all those other other subtler flavors?
i was in heaven.
i mean, seriously, those buhnaynays were golden, soft, juicy, sweet, savory....
like tropical kettle-corn fruit chips.
wait,
that's exxxactly what they were.
also,
they were delicious and molto molto dope AF.
real talk.
...
seems like more food than one man should eat?
probably.
but i'm more than one man's worth of man.
so, it stands to reason that if i'm on some threesome-by-my lonesome
but only as it applies to my workload jauns,
i'm likely to be powerfully hungry at the end of the day, right?
damned straight, bruh.
which is why, even with all that food,
i still had room for one more awesome add on.
yuuuuuup.
*
COCONUT CURRY DEEP-FRIED CAULIFLOWER BOMBS!!!
guys,
these were incredible.
tthe batter, which was mixed right in with the cauliflower,
was:
cumin, paprika, black pepper, star anise, red pepper flakes, a pinch of raw sugar
coriander, parsley, minced jalapeno, lime zest;
4 T flour, 1/2 tsp bakey powder;
GPOP,
and a few T of non-dairy milk, to glom onto, and seep into,
the spaces between cauli and flower.
an inch or so of hot-HOT veg oil, in a small pot,
and wu-TANG!
instant amazing new hottness.
cilantro and coconut in a bowl, to adhere to and activate the last level
of eleventh-tier terrific taste, too?
woooooooooooooooooord.
***********
i make a lot of food, when i make food.
lately, it's been less frequent for all the other directions my attentions are being pulled.
and as an aside- how tall is a pizza box, bro?
like 2 1/2"?
i've got a feet-tall stack of them in my 'recycling' box.
i guess i could get into a bit more kitchen time these days
because when i DO do it,
i get busy with it.
and you like that ital style.
i get into some things when i've got my mind on 'em-
and also,
i get grumpy with rainy days.
and i'm molto grumped out at the impending thunderstorm looming above my dog walking prospects this morning.
i'm about to get v. wet, and that makes me v. unhappy.
however,
me and my little buddy are going to run most of the way,
unless he's got dumber, more distracting, overacting ideas.
we'll know in a minute, i s'pose.
it's all really happening,
under water and over land;
never quiet, never soft.....
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