Monday, March 5


an aureole of righteous bloobs?!
heck yeah!
i think i'm sometimes just determined to make somethin',
and i grab the first pan at hand,
and tailor my treats to whatever shape it happens to be.
in this instance,
i made a ring cake that tasted just like a prefect blueberry muffin.
i did.
and here it is for you to look at:

one flat ring pan, a few sneaky tricks,
and a whole lot of big tastiness, all right there for the eatin'.
as usual, i've been kickin' around the freeze-fried berries.
they keep alllll the flavor, but don't make your cake all mushy,
or too steamy, or disappointingly blarpity.
the dried jauns are great for deep dish appliocations like this, dudes.
i mean it.
find some immediately,
and prepare yourself for a whole new realm of fruity possibilities.
you want to make a blueberry cake at your house?
you do?!
here's the behind-the-scenes tell-all for all y'all:
preheat the oven to 350℉
in your trusty stand mixer,
beat up:
1 stick (8T) vegan butter;
1/2 tsp salt;
1 tsp vanilla;
2/3 cup sugar;
1/4 cup powdered sugar;
2/3 cup non-dairy yogurt;
when that's a gummy, sloppy, slurry, pour in:
1 cup nondairy milk.
slowly, add:
2 3/4 cups flour;
1 pkg freeze-dried blueberries (it's like 1 1/2 oz.!)
1 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda.
that's insanely simple, right?
i know!
sprankle a handful of those dried bloobs on the bottom of your greased ring pan,
and spoon that thick fluffy batter all around it, spreading it evenly.
bake it for at least 35 minutes, probably closer to 45...
-check it for doneness, so it doesn't doo-doo down the center,
and have a mushy middle-
then let it cool enough to remove from the pan,
and reach room temperature.
that's important.
otherwise your icing will melt, and look like sh!t.
ugly icing is for ugly people. ...don't be like that.
the icing is just powdered sugar and s'milk for the first layer,
and then, because too much is the right amount,
there's that second sexxxier blueberry-laced layer, too.
a little lovin' spoonie-spoonful of powdered dried bloobs to turn it up,
and take it to eleven?
that's a good idea, man.
did i freak it off with a few blooby spranks, as well?
rules is rules, fools-
y'can't skimp out in the home stretch.
that's what an A*-hole would do,
and i'm not that guy.
you'd never know those weren't yesterday's bush-picked berries.
and that icing?
sweet, and neat, and thick, and just what this little succulent circle was askin' for.
i love it when it all works out.
that's no joke.
smoothies are nothing new.
y'boi is ON it over here.
i haven't gotten into showing off all my dark purple blops, yet
but i'm on my way to radical expert frozen super hottness!
i'm serious.
i got powders, and nut butters, and seeds and sh!t,
all pulped up and pumped up and pushed to the limits.
my morning situation is fully activated with full-frontal fresh-to-deathness,
and while my toast consumption has been marginally reduced,
my nutrient absorption is at an all time high.
i might be winning.
i might be powered up.
i might have a brain-freeze.
all of it is on the menu these days,
and i'm pretty psyched about something so simple having such an impact.
that activated charcoal in my bellyhole is probably pulling out all the evil,
and giving my insides a tight pre-spring cleaning.
i'm grateful as F* for the time i've been given,
and for this super-blender thing on my counter;
never quiet, never soft.....

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