Thursday, March 22


there ain't no party like a vegan sourdough homestyle family pizza party,
especially if it's poppin' off at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress,
and double-especially if there's gonna be a buffalo bomb exxxploding in your mouth.
dylan, and miranda were both in attendance,
right here alongside kayla, crabtree, and i,
and together, we devoured a F*ing eff-TON of pizza pie.
no jokes.
if you ain't all about a pizza party,
you will never be welcomed into my pizza palace,
nor will you ever be considered a complete human being.
pizza is life, and life is good when there's MORE pizza.
don't believe me?
well, that's a mistake-
go ahead, really quickly, maybe just check the teleport:

hooray for pizza, neighbors.
i mean it.
i literally want to eat it every day; and yes i know what literally means;
and no, i don't do it every day, so i am often displeased.
no worries, however, because last night was TIGHT AF.
one semolina sourdough crust, gigantic, and a little grainy,
and definitely kind of an A*-hole, if we're being honest-
which we always are, right?
...right on.
it was NOT the hero of the day,
but it actually got better as it cooled off, so that's neat.
look at how much pizza it made, man:

the veggie deluxxe is no joke.
i mean it.
heavy veggie pizza is the TRUTH, and that's all we run and tell up in here.
kayla pulsed our patented masterful marinara with a stick-mixer
(a.k.a an immersion wand blender)
and we spread it heavy on that A*-hole dough.
(i'm not even going to give you a recipe. it's not invited back here again)
there's daiya mozzarella on there,
and homemade seitan crOmbles, too.
we got broth-braised broccolini, lengthwise-halved sweet grape tomatoes,
caramelized onions, and mushrooms on half.
there's fried garlic sprankles, of course, because rules is rules,
and arugula on top as a garnish at the end,
because we know what's really good,
and besides, between 75% of the humans present,
there was a whole lot of italy in the room, bro.
four corners, sixteen slices, no leftovers.
that's how you do a pizza party at my house.
and i may have mentioned this once or twice before,
but too much is the right amount,
so we also fired up a quick double-yeast dough,
and brought out the big buffalo blaster-cannons for these dudes.
they weren't ready, but they caught up quick:

broth-braised minced cauliflorets, and browned, dry-fried mushrooms,
drenched in that homemade albie rock buff-zone baste.
if i can whip up somethin' that'll make my venomous vixen say 'oh yeah',
like she's doing a kool-aid man impersonation?
well, then you'd best believe i'm gonna, guys.
no question.
the dough was easy:
in your inestimably heroic stand mixer, combine:
1 1/2 tsp salt;
2 cups flour;
3 T olive oil;
1 pkg commercial yeast.
give it a whirl to combine it all,
and add 3/4 cup warm water, plus 1 T agave nectar,
w/ 2 tsp bread machine yeast, bloomed and activated within.
let it knead up on low-low power for seven or eight minutes,
then let it rise for fifteen, before dylan tosses it sky high.
you don't have a dylan?
that sucks.
ummmm, i guess stretch it yourself then?
then you're gonna need the sauce, kids.

albierockin' buffblast!
2 T sriracha;
1/2 cup frank's red hot;
1/4 cup vegan mayonnaise;
1 tsp ea GPOP;
1 punch nutritional yeast;
1 tsp hot paprika;
1 tsp paprika.
that's it, man.
whip it up, stir it, don't spill it, and pour half of it over your caulis and shroomers.
spoon the other half on your dough,
then add:
shredded spinach;
daiya cheddar;
shredded red onion;
your pre-sauced buffzy bits,
and fried garlic sprankles.
always, bro. always.
i bake my za'za's at 480℉ on convection.
bake yours however you want, but make sure your oven is HOT af,
and cook 'em until they look done....check the bottoms, you'll be ok.
that could've been it...
but only if i was an effin' A*-hole, which i am NOT.
we also hit it with green onion and cilantro garnish,
we freaked it off with some radical expert vegan ranch dressin', kiddo.
1/3 cup vegan sour cream;
1/4 tsp GPOP;
1/4 tsp dill;
1 clove macerated garlic;
a lil' shake of dried parsley;
lemon juice to taste;
22 craxxx of black pepper.
all the regular-A* white girls you know will LOVE you for this one.
WTF are leftovers?
they're make believe.
i gotcha.
we took down another 'nother eight slices of that buffler, and left nothing behind.
you stay until the job is done, friends.
that's the only way.
here's a thing-
i don't have ANY ideas for supper tonight.
i think my superfruit smoothie has me too well-nourished to think about later on.
that's a new experience for me.
but, i s'pose being packed up to the top with vitamins isn't the worst thing i've felt.
i just have to formulate some dinner plans,
because time's tickin' this morning, so an extra treat isn't in the forecast, either.
the days are getting over-packed with activities.
the nights are crashing into oblivion after dinner and dog times.
is that what responsible adulthood is?
doing stuff until you fall asleep?
i hope so-
because if it isn't, i don't know when i'm gonna figure out how to be a grown-up;
never quiet, never soft.....

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