Thursday, March 15


y'all had best beware today.
because it be your own dudes who'll get you got.
you don't eff with history?
well, don't say i didn't warn you.
it's the ides, bro.
the midmark of march.
it's still sort of snowing, which is beat.
it's still very cold, but it might get warmer later.
that's nice.
this is where we're at.
it's almost spring, but only on the calendar.
these days do not indicate anything resembling springtime.
for all the wary watchful lookin' that needs doin'-
i'm powered by residual fuel from my dinnertime last night.
i am.
a super-sized full pan of Pi(E) day pizza pie.
it was big, it was crusty, it was de-flippin'-licious,
and it was split between friends which made it taste even better,
despite there being a little less for all y'all due to the exxxtra division.
check the enormous-type square-style teleport:

it NEVER gets old.
not one little teentsy-weentsy little bitty tiny bit. is the best one.
and this big ol' batch of from-scratch dough was fast, wet, and mostly stretchy.
there were a couple of patched holes,
which in turn became crust-affixed pan-pizza rip-ups,
you can't tell in the picture, can you?
know why?
because me and my buddy dylan tag-teamed a salvage search-and-rescue operation,
and saved every last damned scrap of this lil baby b!tch from certain doom.
that's for realsies, neighbors.
we double-spatula excavated every shred of edible awesomeness,
and then we ate all that awesomeness audibly.
lip-smackin' jaw-gnashin' gnoshin' was in F*ing full effect,
and we made and ate it all up.
how quick a dough did i make?
pretty quick.
the key, in my opinion, is to make a wet dough, and let it super-bulk like a boss.
the in-a-hurry quick-up!
in your stand mixer with the dough hook attached, do this:
add three cups of a.p. flour;
4 T olive oil;
2 tsp salt;
1/2 tsp wheat gluten.
start to stir on low-low power,
and add 1 1/2 cups pretty flippin' warm water;
1 1/2 tsp sugar;
and 1 T bread machine yeast.
let allllll of that get kneaded up for ten minutes straight,
with regular intervals of added flour
to keep it from slumping into a sticky heap of sh!t.
that's real-
pinch after pinch, every minute, to make sure it's wet, but not soupy.
look at it.
you'll see, and if you're meant to pizzaiolo like a really-real muh-fuh,
you'll know what to do instinctively.
it's okay if you don't.
not really, though, since your dough will suck balls.
it'll rise like wild, and after fifteen minutes,
you should be able to flour it, stretch it, and let it double-dough-up
on a well floured (possibly oiled) pan.
the goal here was crustiness,
and we achieved our goal.
i had no idea i was such a square pizza enthusiast-
it turns out, that's sorta my thing.
exxxtra crust, and even a few slices without any, depending on the cut.
this baby bihhh had my homemade pepperoni on it,
which was especially expert.
and caramelized onions, of course, because no pizza should be without those.
fried garlic sprankles made their appearance,
mainly because rules is rules,
and also cuz they taste so g-dang goooooooood.
we used kale for the bake, and arugula for the finisher,
classics never go out of style, and we have styles for miles.
double leafies is the way to go, if you're going to go for the gold as your goal.
nature's first green is gold, and it might even be baby kale for all i know.
tomatoes? on top of crushed tomatoes?
tomatoes have stuff that's good for you.
and MORE good for-youiness is not a bad thing.
daiya chee' on most of it, minced, as always, for maxxxiumum meltability.
don't sleep on the pro-tips, people.
you're only hurting yourself.
and we freaked it off with rings of supersweet pepper.
a little sausagey-pepperoni-and-pepper jauns for e'r'body is tight.
the crust was great.
crisp exterior, fluffy interior, deep taste, especially for rising in a hurry.
those crushed tomatoes always invigorate me-
that's real.
my sauce-count in the ol' bloodstream is never allowed to get anemic.
i got white cells, red cells, and marinatra cells,
and they ALL need reactivating sometimes.
the best part, though?
sharing a pizza pie with people.
i wouldn't do it today, of course.
i mean, what with it being the ides, and all.
like i said, it be your own peoples, dude.
but on Pi(E) day?
that's the move.
there's never gonna be a bad time for pizza.
there's good times for it,
and then there's great times for a slice,
but even at the worst of times,
pizza is a good time;
never quiet, never soft.....

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