linzertorte!

raspberries are good in jam,
and raspberries are good in compote,
and raspberries, most of all,
scream out: 'please put me in a tart'.
at least,
when i'm listening to raspberries,
that's what they always tell me, anyway.
there's no good reason not to do just that, either.
the tart part, i mean.
listening to raspberries is something only anthropomorphizing vegan kooks do.
and i doo-doo that put-a-personality-to-it-type freaky sh!t.
hey man,
i don't need your judgement, i just need your help eating all these treats.
and the tart part of the treats scene these days, though,
neighbors,
i think i accidentally made the sweetest flakiest new hottness,
and i dunno if i can replicate it.
awwwww.
maybe i should measure some sh!t once in a while?
who knows?
but still, check this mutha-'ucking teleport:

linzer, linzer, LINZER.LINZER, LINZER, LINZER!!
guys, that's a pound of raspberries, and half a cup of powdered sugar,
and lemon juice, and lemon extract, and vanilla,
all stewed into a suave, if seeded sauce,
and thickened up like a rap video model.
word up.
lemon zest right in there, and starch, and stirring, and voila,
the middle is magical.
however,
the crust is the big action form the future, y'all.
that's real.
a cup of flour, a cup of almond meal,
almond extract, lemon extract, vanilla extract, a pinch of salt,
a third of a cup of sugar,
a third of a cup of demerara sugar, for textural temptation,
coupled with lemony zest, and three tablespoons of lemon juice,
with half a cup of butters, but about a 50/50 split of soy and non-soy jauns,
and a big ol' scoople of vegan creamchee'.
how much?
I DON'T KNOW!
ha.
plus,
a big splash of almond milk,
again, totally eyeballed,
(sorry, duders, i'm creating so hard, i can't keep count of stuff)
blasted togeher in a food processor,
for a wet, sticky, soft pastry dough.
so soft, in fact, that even after chillin' overnight,
it was a squishfest between my fingers.
so,
i adjusted to the circumstances, obvi-
and that just meant a LOT of flour on my floured surfaces.
no big deal.
i baked it at a higher temp than i normally would've, because it was all so wet-
and for longer too: 375 F for 40 minutes,
and it came out steamy, sultry, and succulent,
with all that red berry blarpitiness lookin' it's best
nestled in between those layers of golden goodness.
that's the way it worked out this time,
and it worked in MY favor,
because i just happen to get busy munching on tarts like it's my second job
the thing of it is- it's reallllly good.
like, danish buttercookie good.
like, superfancy unnecessary good.
i'll try it again, maybe with blueberry,
but i'm not sure even my crazy brain can recreate the circumstances.
ah, well, such is the life of a barbarian baker a la prima.
what's up with those circles on top?
yes.
that's all.
circles are dope. and circles are expert.
and moreover circles are what i had enough dough for.
mmhmm.
a lattice would've looked exxxtra-skimpy,
and wouldn't have had the echoing orbits of those planetary pasty pasties.
you also know i couldn't let it go at circles, right?
word.
too much is the right amount,
and that meant big raw sugar sprankles were mandatory on top.
*
i LOVE baking treats.
i do.
and that freeform active participation, and the intuitive force-sensitive jedi jauns
that guide my hand have got to be the result of gentic infinite nature.
i mean, i come from a line of makers and bakers,
and i believe it's coded in sequence, with added aberrations from the other side,
to predispose me to this Folk Life,
despite being nurtured throughout the formative times in an urban environment.
conscious choice as a byproduct of free will is a real F* of a thing,
and it seems like it might actually work a whole bunch better
when you've had a chance to make an informed decision based on opposing experiences.
could it be i turned into a treat-bakin' art-makin' bearded weirdie solely because
nature wins, and environment takes a hike out the back door?
i can't say for sure.
i will acknowledge that i am grateful for both sides of my life,
and i couldn't really appreciate one without the other.
i have what i have because of information and experience,
tempered by time.
i'm pretty sure that's still called wisdom,
and that's a damned good thing to develop.
this is the way i've chosen to span my time,
it's all really happening;
never quiet, never soft.....