Saturday, September 7


what the eff is a sloppy joe?
apparently it's a big butt-nasty mess,
which could probably be better,
and that's what i'm all about.
instead of finding out about sloppy joe,
i decided to forge my own path,
and upgrade to a couple of FILTHY JOSEPHS.
check it out:

buttery soft and toasty buns!
crispy roasted then pan fried potatoes!!
wilty spinach!
white onion penstils.
what are penstils?
well, when i was a kid, the first time i experienced little onion bits on a hamburger
i freaked the F* out.
i'm talking tears, disconsolate distress, borderline tantrum sh!t.
because i didn't know what they were-
and i decided in the moment that would be know as, you guess it: penstils.
some of those,
and a whole big batch of that tempeh-based crOmbly messiness.
all together that's actually a really damned good tasting sandwich.
and good tasting sandwiches are the only ones invited to sandwich week.
whats IN this slovenly giuseppe?
man, a LOT.
you want the list?
in a 2 quart saucepot, with 2 T oil, on high heat, combine:
one half of a sweet onion, minced;
2 cloves crushed garlic;
1 cup chopped baby sweet tomatoes;
1 8 oz block of finely chopped tempeh;
when the onions get clear,
add 1/4 cup each diced red orange yellow green pepper;
1 tsp cumin;
1 tsp hot paprika;
1 tsp ground coriander seed;
1 tsp guajillo or whatever dried pepper powder;
2 T tamari;
2 shakes of liquid smoke;
black pepper;
1 cup vegetable broth;
1 cup crushed tomatoes;
1 T brown sugar;
1 T maple syrup;
1 tsp vegan worcestershire sauce.
bring it all to a boil,
then simmer it for an hour.
it's just a pot of stuff.
adjust the spices as necessary according to your personal tastes:
i added two glugs of ho'sauce and some cayenne, too.
and i finished it off with a tablespoon of chopped parsley
and another one of fresh cilantro,
plus a tablespoon of chopped scallion, as well.
it's really good.
and simple.
and it's almost ugly, if it weren't for the white onion sprankles,
and the exxxtra scallions, and the spinach (to make it healthy),
and those crispy salt-and pepper fries.
the fries do a certain special kind of somethin' to it.
that's real talk.
i mean, i've been making fries all week-
what's better than bread? potatoes AND bread.
just what i needed.
olive oil, salt, pepper, parchment, and a 400℉ oven.
that's all you need.
i finished mine off with a high-heat skillet flash fry,
after i toasted up the brea, for that little exxxtra-crissspy action,
just because OVERdoing it is the ONLY way.
rules is rules.

THAT'S what i'm talking about!!!!
the bread was beyond awesome, and i made four buns,
two for the joses and two for buffalo cauliflower.
the buttered tops and bottoms, fried in a glug of olive oil,
really had me feeling a special kind of way.
a fattie-boombattie toasted bun is one of the most satisfying pleasures on eath.
for real.
here's how i did it THIS time:
in my stand mixer, using a provided (a.k.a permanently affixed) dough hook,
i combined:
1 cup king arthur bread flour;
3/4 cup king arthur all-purpose flour;
1/4 cup +2 T king arthur white whole wheat flour;
1 tsp sugar;
1 pkg active dry yeast;
1 pkg fast-actin' yeast;
2 tsp sea salt;
1 cup warm water.
i kneaded all that up for 11 minutes,
formed it into a tight shiny ball, covered it and let it triple in size.
while that was going on i preheated my oven to 400 luscious degrees.
i punched down and divided my dough into four even pieces,
and arranged them on parchment to re-rise again for thirty minutes.
i drizzled 'em with oil, slashed a few steam slots in there,
and baked them for twenty-five minutes,
adding hot water to the baking stone i keep in my oven,
to improve the crust a whole bunch with that steamy dreaminess.
what did i get for my trouble?
the best damned bread i had all week, SON.
word up.
and there you have it.
MORE sandwiches.
i'm full.
i'm always full.
but i keep eatin',
because that's what the objective is.
i dunno if i'm doing it right,
i just know that i'm doing this for just another day and a half,
and then it's broccoli and lettuce and sh!t six days a week for the rest of the month.
we'll see if that's true or not,
but right now, i think that's the right idea;
never quiet, never soft.....

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