Monday, September 2

SANDWICH WEEK!!! day one.

sandwiches, b!tches.
that's what's up.
and it's sandwich week.
all week.
sunday to sunday, all day, every day,
a veritable anti-diet of carb-heavy wheaten slabs and pseudo-meaty vegetable proteins.
if you aren't ready, you had better get ready, and quickly.
it's already monday.
labor day.
a holiday.
and it's raining.
which i LOVE.
because i don't like barbecues or leisure or fun in any capacity,
but i do like it when those things are a little ruined by ma nature.
nature wins, and that's a fact.
ANYway, i hadn't planned on a BBQ sandwich, so my day is still gonna be expert.
but before i explore my options for today,
i gotta let y'all know what's up with side one track one of sandwich week.
it's a full-blown exxxplosion of excellence,
in taste and texture and quantity.
check the teleport:

the first of the month means cinnamon buns.
rules is rules.
we've got this new hottness for your face.
that's big buns,
and salt-and-pepper thin-fried exxxtra-firm tofu.
and a chick pea flour omelette.
and tempeh bacon.
and real new hampshire maple syrup.
and a homemade maple breakfast sausage fattie-patty-boombatty.
too much is the right amount has never been more true.

c'mon, neighbors.
that's an EPIC exercise in edible accomplishment.
here's the rundown:
two fat cinnamon buns, as per the usual recipe.
only, i rolled 'em longwise, to make em bigger, and baked 'em free and loose on parchment.
how good are they?
well, maple says i make the best ones on earth,
and i like that about her.
the tofu was just fried in a pat of coconut oil with salt and pepper until it was golden.
think of it as a fried egg consistency, if you know about that.
i've seen it done, even if it's been a quarter century since i've had one myself.
the chickpea omelette?
i made two of these sandwiches, so that's double of everything-
but, i used 1/3 cup chick pea flour;
1/3 cup warm water;
black salt;
black pepper;
1/4 tsp ea Garlic Powder and Onion Powder;
1 T nutritional yeast.
stirred, thinned with a splash more water, maybe?
you be the judge, it shouldn't be runny, but it also shouldn't be paste.
and then you just fry 'em like a couple of pancakes, gently on both sides,
so it's not too dry, but pliable and soft an' that.
the tempeh bacon was the same-ish as ever-
a glug of olive oil in a small hot pan,
plus 12 strips of thin tempeh;
1/2 cup warm water;
black pepper,
1 T tamari;
1 tsp agave;
1/4 tsp ea GPOP;
1 tsp maple syrup;
3 shakes smoked paprika;
2 shakes liquid smoke,
all boiled up until the liquid is gone,
and caramelized until it's lookin' crisp edged and pretty after that.
pay attention and don't burn it and you'll be happy af about it.
the sausage patty was 100000% on point.
red lentil seitan sausage, like this,
but, divide the recipe into thirds,
and take this 1/3rd, and add:
2 T maple syrup and 1/4 tsp maple exxxtract, and knead it all up,
forming two thiccc patties, before you steam 'em like always-
these were fried up in a hot pan and semi-drenched in leftover seitan broth
as they cooked to prevent sticking.
i could've used water or regular broth, i just have so much of all the sandwich prep stuff
that it'd be dum-dumb headed to waste any of it.
and then another 'nother bun on top,
with ICING.
holy sh!t.
this is the TRUTH.

sandwich week started with a blast of heavy-handed heavy-duty hot fire.
i don't have nearly enough comparable ideas for the rest of the eight days,
but you's best believe i'm gonna give it my all anyway.
i'll keep it expert, even if i get fatter'n fat while i'm at it.
that's a small price to pay in order to celebrate something you love....
and i LOOOOOOVE sandwiches, stoopid.
everything may not be amazing all the time,
but every single sandwich is a triumph of taste and texture.
i'm making chocolate almond butter.
i'm stewing up TWO kinds of berry preserves.
i'm toasting coconut.
i'm slicing fresh berries.
ANYbody can have a smooth peanut butter and grape jelly sandwich,
but a real-deal nutty-buddy isn't ever gonna settle for that kind
of run-of-the-mill ordinary box-dwelling bummer.
not even one time.
can a PB&J be sexxxy?
i think it needs a new acronym if that's the case.
i guess we'll find out around lunchtime;
never quiet, never soft.....

No comments: